The Way You Make Me Feel

Tom's P.O.V.

"I need to get drunk tonight," Lila said dully as she sat on the couch and stared down at her feet.

I felt bad for Lila. I mean, even if I wasn't in love with her, I would feel bad. She finally saw her mom after eight years and she was flat out rejected. Her own mother didn't want to see her. How could she do that? She abandoned her daughter not once, but twice. And what made me feel terrible was that I wasn't around to make her feel better. When she needed me the most, I was in Harrow attending a funeral for my sister's dead cat! It just made me feel like a crappy friend.

"Me too," I said with a sigh as I sat next to her on the couch. She glanced over at me with a look of disbelief. I'm guessing she was wondering why I needed to drink my pain away, seeing as she didn't think I had much pain. But, truth was, I did. Being in love with your best friend kind of sucks. I mean, I see her every day and every day I'm reminded of how I can't be with her. So, I figured that I'd just tell Lila the little problems in my life.

"I saw my mom yesterday," she said blankly. "What's your excuse?"

"Well, Carrie's cat died," I said as she raised her eyebrows at me. "And Danny lost my Star Wars DVD!"

"Eh," she said with a shrug. "That's good enough for me. Let's go."

I smiled and hurried into my bedroom to get ready as Lila did the same. My muddy brown eyes scanned through the clothes in my closet before deciding on a pair of jeans, a simple white button down shirt, and a nice jacket that should really have been worn out to some fancy restaurant or something. When I was finally done getting ready, I walked out of my bedroom to find Lila sitting on the couch reading a magazine. She was wearing a short black dress that had ruffles and seemed to flare out a bit at the bottom. Her wavy strawberry blonde hair was messy and left down, but that made it look sexy to me.

"Ready?" I asked as she smiled and nodded.

I grabbed Lila's hand and helped her up off the couch before leading her out of our flat. On our walk over to the club, I attempted to tell some jokes. All of them were terrible, but she still laughed. I think that it was out of pity, though. It made me happy to know that she cared enough about me to laugh at my bad jokes. And part of me hoped that she realized how much I cared about her because I was telling her bad jokes.

The bar was the first place we went to when we got to the club. Lila collapsed onto a stool and put her elbows on the bar, resting her head in her hands. I glanced quickly at her in admiration. She looked gorgeous in my eyes. Her strawberry blonde hair was draping over her shoulders and her bright blue eyes were shining brighter than they had in a while.

"What would you like, love?" the bartender asked Lila.

"The strongest drink you have," she said with a blush as my jealousy began to kick in.

"I'll have the same," I piped in as the bartender nodded and began making our drinks. Lila and I quickly downed our first round of drinks. I'm not even sure why I was drinking. Maybe it was just because Lila was doing it. Or maybe it was to wash away all of my feelings towards Lila. Some crazy part of me must have thought that I could simply drink away my love for her. Well, the first drink didn't do it. And neither did the fourth.

"I think," I paused. "I had too much to drink."

"You're drunk," Lila slurred as she put her hands on my knees and leaned in closer to me. "Let's dance."

Lila took my hand in hers and pulled me onto the dance floor. We were both so drunk that we didn't even think twice about dancing a little provocatively with each other. We were dancing so close that I could feel her hot breath on my skin and the scent of alcohol wasn't far. Now, normally I would never be doing this. My brain would kick in and tell myself to stop because I'd ruin our friendship or something. But, my brain was kind of off on holiday for the moment, so I was left to make stupid decisions that I would probably regret later.

We danced until the early hours of the morning before deciding to go home. But, when we got home, we stood in the kitchen, simply talking. Although, there was a catch. I was talking about the importance of maintaining good hygiene when it came to teeth. I know, I'm such a charmer. Note the sarcasm there. But, the thing was, I didn't know what I was saying. I could barely string a proper sentence together due to my intoxication, let alone talk about something normal! So, it's just my luck that I tell the girl that I'm madly in love with that she needs to brush her teeth when I'm drunk. I mean, I didn't even attempt to make any moves on her and then blame it on my drunken state. Nope. I just talk about oral hygiene.

"Now, the... the thing is, you've gotta be one with the toothbrush," I slurred as I stumbled and picked up a fork. "This isn't a toothbrush."

"That's a fork," Lila said before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

"I know that, silly," I said as I looked at the fork in confusion, wondering why it wasn't a toothbrush. "It looks like a toothbrush, though."

"Tom," Lila said with a huff as she moved closer to me. "I don't care about toothbrushes."

"Than what do you care about?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. I felt my heart race faster and faster as Lila's face inched closer to mine. Her alcohol stained breath eddied around my lips with desire. I felt myself holding back the urge to lean forward and kiss her, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold out forever. It would only be a matter of seconds before I would cave and ruin our friendship completely.

"I dunno," she said drunkenly with a shrug. "Maybe you."

And that was when I complied to my emotions and leaned in and kissed her.

>>>

"Lila, please don't do this to me," I pleaded. A sixteen year old Lila looked up at me with tears in her eyes before looking down at her feet.

Today was the day that she was leaving me. She was going to California with her dad. I tried convincing her to stay. I thought of every way possible. I even suggested that she live with me and my family and visit her dad on holidays. But, nothing seemed to work. Lila and I were just meant to go our separate ways.

"I have to, Tom," Lila said sadly. "You know how important this job is to my dad."

"Why aren't you phased by this?" I asked, a bit upset. "You seem perfectly fine with the fact that we're not going to be able to see each other any more!"

"Now you're just being stupid. You think that I want to leave? I'm going to miss you like hell, Tom, but that doesn't change the fact that I still have to leave tomorrow morning," Lila cried. "I don't want to leave my life behind. I'm leaving the guy I like, my best friend, and all of my relatives! I can't believe you think that's something I want."

"It's not that," I said, trailing off as I sat down on the stoop outside my house. "It's just... it's just I don't get how you can be so brave."

"It's all an act," Lila admitted as she sat next to me. "I'm actually scared shitless. I've gotta start school in an unfamiliar country without my best friend there to help me. I just don't want people to see how scared I really am."

"You don't have to hide anything from me," I stated simply as Lila bit her lip and looked down at her fingers.

"Alright," she said with a sigh as she looked up at me.

"Wha-" I began, only to be cut off by Lila's lips crashing into mine. I'd never felt so happy before in my life. After six years of waiting, I finally got to kiss the girl of my dreams. And it was the best kiss that I ever had and ever would experience. It wasn't because she was a good kisser, but it was the fact that she was the one I was kissing.

"I wanted to see what it would be like to kiss your best friend," Lila said after she broke away from me and looked back down at her hands. "Truth is, I kinda liked it."

"Me too," I said as our gazes met and we stood up, ready to part ways. "Promise me you'll come back."

"I promise," she said as she flung her arms around my neck and hugged my tightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist just as tightly, not intending on letting go. I wasn't ready to let her leave.

"Bye, Lila," I said when our hug broke.

"Bye, Tom," she said as she turned and began walking away towards her house. I watched her turn the corner off of my street as my heart dropped into my stomach. That was the last time I saw Lila Paterson for six whole years.

"I'll miss you."

>>>

I had almost forgotten that memory over the past six years. And lord knows why I remembered it in this drunken state. But, I knew that I was happy to remember it. Because, for all of that time I kept thinking to myself that Lila never cared about me in that way. Sure, she probably liked the thrill of kissing her best friend for the first time, but it was still something. It showed that it wasn't impossible for me to be with her, just improbable.

"Tom," Lila muttered when the kiss broke. "We're drunk."

"I know," I said as I leaned down and kissed her again. This time, though, she didn't break the kiss. That's always a good sign, right? I mean, so far this whole "making out with Lila" thing wasn't going too horribly. I mean, she didn't throw up yet, she didn't slap me across the face, and she didn't start crying. So, by my standards, that was not too shabby. Success, my friends, pure success.

My jacket was the first item of clothing to be discarded as the kiss grew more fiery. Her hands ran through my hair as our breathing became short and quick. My mind became intoxicated as my lips moved down her neck and to her collarbone. She placed her hands on either side of my face and directed my lips back to hers as she moaned in pleasure. Her hands slid down to my chest as she began unbuttoning my shirt. I faltered for a moment as my shirt slid off of my torso.

Maybe making out with your best friend is alright. But, what if sex with your best friend isn't?

"You okay?" Lila slurred as her chest heaved up and down. I pushed my questioning thoughts aside as I nodded vigorously and connected my lips to hers again.

"I love you," I muttered into the kiss as we stumbled into my bedroom.