Changing The Rules

I was so unbelievably thankful when I saw no car parked in my driveway, my parents obviously going out for the day, knowing I was going to be at Nicks. I ran up the stairs, throwing my body onto the bed as I cried out my fear, passion and love for Nick. As much as it pained me, I knew this was the right thing to do. all my life I had wanted things my own way, not cared about wanting to be popular or get all the guys attention, but for once I actually cared about how other people would deal with this situation.

I just came strolling into this town, into Nick’s life, stealing everything from right under his nose but he was too in love with me to see it. Even if it meant having Nick hate my guts, it was the best thing to do. He was the leading figure of his school, the guy both girls and guys alike looked up to and wanted to get close to. I had taken it from them and unrightfully.

By the time I had got myself together, I looked at the clock ‘5.43pm’, Nick would probably be out of the movies by now. My phone rang and I knew it was Nick without even looking at the display screen, making me bury my face into my pillow even more so. My phone made a small beep, signally that I had a voicemail. I lent over, blindlessly pressing the play button, not surprised when I heard Nicks voice.

“Hey Charlene, I just got home and I was half expecting you to be here, but I guess not” He laughed nervously, gulping and speaking shakily again. “Well all of the guys went round to Aaron’s but I wanted to get back to you, so could you please call me and let me know what time you are coming over. I love you, bye”

This message just made me even more determined, the fact that yet again he was blanking his friends to spent time with someone like me. Someone who wasn’t worthy of his time. I got out of bed, slowly walking down the stairs seeing my parents were now here.

“Hey baby girl, we thought you would have been over at Nicks.” My mum said as she smiled at me from the couch.

“Yeah well I’m heading over there now. Can I borrow the car?” She nodded, turning her attention back to the TV. I swiped the keys from the table, walking out and jumping it the car, everything running through my mind a million miles an hour. I stopped the car when I got to Nicks drive, gripping the steering wheel, wondering if I was willing to risk my own happiness for others. I was. Ever since Jesse had enlisted for war, he had always taught me to put the needs of others before your own. I guess in a way we were both going the same way. Jesse died helping others and in a way I was too. My soul and heart was dying but I needed to do this to make my own love happy, even if he didn’t know it or understand it at first.

I turned up the driveway, seeing his bedroom light on, a figure sitting on the side of the bed and even from here I knew he was looking at the photo of us.

“My hero” I whispered, shutting off my car. I glanced up to see Nick peering through his curtains before disappearing from view. I got out of my car, seeing Nick already by the door.

“Hey beautiful” He smiled, walking over to press his lips to mine.

“Hey” I said quietly, trying my best to smile at him.

“Come on I want to show you something” He grabbed my hand, taking me up the stairs. “Take a seat my lady” He said grinning as he motioned to the bed. I sat down warily, looking up to see Nicks face just in front of mine, his lips gently kissing mine. He quickly walked around his bed to pick up a guitar before returning to the place next to me on the bed.

“If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's got to be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
when you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
when you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can”

“Stop please Nick just stop” I sobbed, standing from the bed.

“I’m sorry, I thought you’d like it. I won’t sing again I swear” He said desperately, standing up, reaching out to me but I jerked back from him.

“Nick no it’s not that. That song was truly beautiful but I just can’t, I just can’t” I sobbed, trying to calm myself but failing miserably.

“Baby what’s wrong you’re scaring me” He said, trying to hug me, but I shook my head, taking a step back from him. “Babe?” He whispered, his eyes watering slightly.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore, it’s just too much. I’m sorry” I said, watching the devastation set in on Nicks face. He knew what was going on, but his frantic shaking of his head told me he wasn’t going to accept it.

“No no no you can’t mean this. You can’t. YOU CAN’T! What about everything we spoke about? Everything we planned to do together?” He yelled, tears falling down his cheeks. He will be thankful in the future. He will thank me one day. He will.

“And that will all happen to you; just not with me. I’m sorry Nick, I never meant to hurt you” Disgust appeared on his face as he stared at me, tears still falling as his eyes turned red from the extreme pressure they were having on them.

“Oh and you think that by breaking my heart I’ll be fine. Why are you doing this to me? To us? To you?”

“It’s just easier this way, for everyone” I said quietly, avoiding his stare by gazing down at his carpet, wanting to vanish from the world.

“For everyone?” He laughed coldly, throwing his head back “Yeah it benefits everyone but the two people in the relationship, now if that isn’t fucking irony I don’t know what is! Charlene, tell me, since when have you given a shit about what other people think?”

I didn’t need to listen to this, I quickly made my way over to the door, wiping my tears as I ran down the stairs. I could hear Nick’s pounding footsteps just behind me and it wasn’t long before his arm grabbed mine, spinning me around to face him in the houses lobby.

His face was tear stained and he was clearly struggling to breathe. “No Charlene, you can’t do this. I love you and I thought you loved me” He said, holding my arm in a tight grasp.

“I do Nick which is why I have to do this. We were doomed from the beginning, we both come from two very different walks of life which just aren’t meant to cross”

“What about Romeo and Juliet?” He asked through his sobs staring up into my eyes which like his were completely blurry, smothered with tears.

“Yeah and look how they ended up. I will always love you Nick but I cannot do this anymore. We’re teenagers, life shouldn’t be this complicated. I will be there if you need a friend but that is all I can handle. You can go back to the life that made you famous in this town, the life that you wouldn’t have traded for the world. I have been selfish to think that I could honestly have you, and now I see that I love you enough to let you go and that’s what I’m doing” I turned around, thinking this was the end of it all before Nicks voice broke through the cold, lonely atmosphere.

“And you think what you’re doing now isn’t selfish? The one heart that loves you more than any other is the one you are deliberately smashing up so your life can be easier. You don’t think that’s selfish?” He was now right behind me, his voice coming from just behind my ear. I closed my eyes, gulping deeply as I swung the door open walking out.

“Charlene please I am begging you, don’t do this. Stop thinking of what best suits other people and do what we both know you want. I am begging you.”

There was a loud clap of thunder and it was all too cliché that at that very moment, heavy rain started falling. For most of our relationship there had always been sun with no clouds in sight but now it was time for the rain to fall, drenching the only dry spot our tears had not reached.

I stopped just outside my car, my bottom lip quivering as I looked at his soaking wet form, his entire posture withdrawn, his face looking like he had instantly aged with the stress of everything. I slowly walked over to him, seeing his eyes looking up at me with a slight hope as I ran my fingers through his hair, down his cheek, hating the fact that I could never do this again. He lent into my touch, closing his eyes, ignoring the heavy rain. Both of us were still crying silent tears, being each others entire lives ever since we met. But that was the whole problem. I pulled away from him, turning my back on him as I walked to my car.

“No! No!” Nick screamed, running after me to the car. I refused to look at him until I was safely in my car. I let out a loud sob as I looked at him just outside my window, looking like an absolute mess.

You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life.

The way you're holding on to me
Makes me feel like I can't breathe
Just let me go, just let me go

I put my key into the car, turning on the engine. I glanced up at Nick once more before reversing out of the driveway, forbidding myself from listening to my heart and jumping out of the car, running into his arms, telling him how sorry I was. But I knew I couldn’t do that. Just before I turned back onto the main road I saw Nick fall to the soaking ground screaming “No!” repeatedly, burying his face into his hands, his entire body shaking. There lay a broken man. His heart was gone.