Never Want to Let You Go

Katy’s POV

I heard the hotel door open and a tall, lean figure enter the room later that evening.

And I knew exactly who it was.

I didn’t need to see the figure, or even hear his voice.

I knew exactly who it was.

“Hey Joe,” I muttered quietly in the darkness.

I heard him sigh before flopping down onto the bed next to me. “So I guess you’re still up?”

“Yup,” I replied, more awake than ever. I found it impossible to sleep with thoughts of the ring in my head.

He released a deep breath. “So…”

“So,” I repeated, the same awkwardly exhausted tone in my voice.

We sat in silence for a good sum of time before he finally spoke again.

“I’m sorry about the whole awkward ring thing,” he blurted out, bluntly addressing the elephant in the room. “I didn’t mean for it to be so weird. I didn’t mean to go into a jewelry store. I didn’t mean to look at rings. I didn’t even mean to look at jewelry, it just happened. It’s not like I planned-“

“Joe, calm down, it’s okay,” I reassured him as he took a deep breath. I could tell he was feeling overwhelmingly guilty about the whole thing.

“I’m just really sorry,” he finished as he rolled onto his side to face me, his voice sounding exhausted and almost defeated.

“It’s okay,” I replied.

Another silence fell over us. This time it was my turn to break it.

“Honestly, I don’t know why it freaks me out so much. It just does,” I sighed, glancing over at him.

“I talked to Rita about it,” he began. “And she had some good insight.”

“Oh really? And what is that insight?” I asked, a chuckle almost in my voice.

“Think of how many positive marriages are in your life,” he offered, his shadowy face looking down at mine. We still remained in darkness; neither of us had bothered to turn on a light.

“Uh…” I began, my mind searching for one. “Your mom and dad?”

“Exactly,” he replied. “There really aren’t any. To you marriage means failure and maybe that’s why it scares you.”

I pondered the idea for a moment as we fell into another silence.

He had a good point. I couldn’t remember the last time there was a good marriage in my family. He, or rather Rita, was right, but there also may have been another reason why I was bothered by the whole thing.

“That’s a good point,” I spoke in realization as I sat up on the bed. “And I think that’s part of it, but…but also…” I began, contemplatively.

His eyebrows rose in curiosity, encouraging me to continue.

I sighed before continuing. “Maybe it just freaks me out because of how big and important it is. I’ve never been in a position where someone wanted to marry me before. I’ve never had someone care about me like that.

“And it really means a lot to me, but it also scares the shit out of me. I’ve fallen for you and I continue to fall, and the deeper I fall, the more the risk of getting hurt if something goes wrong,” I explained, my voice fast and full of emotion. “Marriage and engagement scare me.”

“But marriage means that I want to be with you forever,” he replied, his voice encouraging, but also mildly confused.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be with me forever,” I replied frankly. “When my dad married my mom he wanted to be with her forever and look at them now.”

“So what does this mean?” He asked, his voice almost hurt, almost defensive. “Where do we stand? What are you saying about us?”

I felt my heart cringe. As blunt as I was being, I had no intention of hurting Joe or changing a single thing about our relationship.

“Wait, wait, wait, don’t take this all the wrong way,” I stated quickly, trying to reassure him. “This doesn’t mean anything except that I think we need to wait for engagement and marriage and all that stuff.

“I do have every intention of marrying you one day, Joseph Jonas, I just don’t think I or we are ready to get married anytime soon. I don’t think we know each other well enough or have been through enough to make that step. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

“Really?” I watched a half-smile creep its way onto his face in the darkness.

“Yeah,” I replied, a full smile coming onto my face. “Even though all this love shit is confusing and scares me, I do love you and want to continue on this crazy path with you.”

He laughed. “Good, you had me worried for a moment.”

I smiled before leaning over and giving him a kiss. He pulled me out of my sitting position and onto the bed next to him.

“I love you,” he smiled as our lips separated. “I know this love stuff isn’t easy, but I’m going to prove to you that it’s worth it.”

“Okay, babe,” my lips slanted upward. “Prove it to me.”

--

JOE’S POV

6:36.

6:37.

6:38.

I could not sleep.

And usually it was a miracle to have me awake at such an early time.

But of course the one day I was up at a ridiculously early time, I didn’t have any interviews until the afternoon.

Nope, instead my mind was just flooded with thoughts.

Thoughts of Katy; thoughts of the previous day; and thoughts of how an innocent trip to the mall turned into something deep and emotional.

And these thoughts eventually led me to a revelation.

And that is what had me up at six o’freakin’ clock in the morning. A realization.

Even though this realization went against a promise I had made to Katy recently, I was going to do it.

But I would need some help to do it.

As I looked at the clock, again, and it flashed a bright red 6:41, I realized that it was going to be along time before I could get that help.