Emilee

Dear Jane,
Max wooed me today. He’s just...I can’t describe him. He’s a real sweetie. It’s killing me to be cooped up alone in my room, supposed to be doing my homework, with him only 10 meters away from me. I want nothing more than to be in his arms right now.

I gazed out the window to see Max’s dimly lit figure sitting faced away from me on his bed, plucking at his base again.

Today at school, Max followed me everywhere. It wasn’t annoying like I thought I’d find it if someone stalked me, it was just so sweet. He kept asking me how I was and what lesson I had next. I guess with him not being able to read me anymore, it’s getting to him. I can’t say I'm complaining tho. I mean sure, he can’t give me all I want now because he doesn’t know what I want...but now I have the element of surprise. And well...his birthday is coming up soon.
Emilee.

I peeked out the window again, and he was still playing his bass. Figuring he’d be a while, I decided I’d get my homework done. I had less than I thought. Why wasn’t Max coming over tonight? I sighed desperately. I needed him. I was...addicted to him now. Well, more than before. That sounds so stupid, but feels so right. I coulda sworn that from the corner of my eye I saw Max peeking over his shoulder at me. Maybe he can read my mind again...

I awoke fully clothed with a sore neck. I’d fallen asleep in the chair at my desk in an awkward position. Ouch. It was still only 10:07pm. I sighed. Great, now I’d never sleep tonight. To top everything off, tonight was my last night free from my parents for a while...and Max wasn’t here. Max wasn’t anywhere, not even in his room. I checked twice, just in case. It was raining out, which was a little strange for early December. I’d go knock on his door, but I hate to get wet. Besides, I’d not wanna wake his family. Instead, I moped my way to my bed and got changed into my pyjamas. It’s only one night, I’ll live...Pfft. I turned on my stereo really loud and pulled the covers over my head.

I woke up again, but this time in my pyjamas. The music had stopped. Why did my lovely loud music stop!? I pulled back the covers and found that Max was standing by my stereo. My carpet had wet patches leading from the window to where he stood. I was about to get up to get him a towel, but the instant he turned around, he’d paralysed me with the look on his face. His eyes were a pale greyish blue colour, and from them seeped a thousand worries, shown by the shimmery wet streaks down his cheeks. His hands were shaking something bad. I was hoping he was just cold. He’s always cold.

“Max?” I said quietly. “Max, what happened? You can tell me.” His eyes flickered to make contact with mine for a brief moment, but then went straight back to the floor. “Max you obviously want to tell me, because you came here. Please...”

“Emilee, I...d-dunno w-what I’m doing,” he stuttered. He took a deep breath and released it, along with a strangled whimper. He was broken. He was fine before, and now he's broken. “I l-love you s-so much baby, b-but I...I can’t!” He grabbed at his hair in frustration.

“Can’t what,” I whispered. He’d heard me. The silence was too loud and the tension too intense for anything to be missed.

“I can’t change you,” he whispered back. He looked up at me through sad eyes.

“Why not?” I was worried. What does he mean? Is he suggesting anything else?

“Today...today you were...irresistible. I’ve never wanted you so much before. I’ve never wanted anything so much before. I mean, I didn’t know I wanted you in a different way until I went out to eat tonight...and I killed a lot...” Ohh, he’s worried because he wanted to eat me. I sighed a sigh of relief.

“Max, it doesn’t matter, okay? I understand. I’m sure I’d be the same if I were you and you were me.” He shook his head.

“It does matter Emilee. I’ve decided...” He studied my face as he struggled to find the right words. “I’ve decided I can’t change you. It’s too risky. I’m so sorry Emilee.” He looked down at the ground again. “Will you still love me?” he whispered ever so quietly. I didn’t know how to respond to him. How could I make him believe me, and make it stick?

“Max, don’t be stupid!” I yelled at him. He looked up shocked and blinked a few times. “I’ll love you till the day I die, whenever that day may be. And when I die, I’ll love you all the same still. There’s no stopping me.” The corners of his mouth twitched a little. “Nothing is certain yet. Things could change. Maybe one day, you’ll gain control over your uhh...cravings. Or maybe someone else could change me...” His face automatically changed expressions. He’d obviously not thought of that.

“And you’d be happy with that?” I nodded, smiling over at him. “But, what if they slipped up Emilee? I can’t take that chance...”

“I can. It’s my funeral Max.” He frowned at me. “Besides, I die either way. I’d rather die in a way that enables me to live with you forever.”

“I just feel bad for having to break a promise. A pinkie promise at that.” We both smiled lightly at one another. “Come here...” He held out his arms and I pounced into them. He was wet and cold, but hell, I didn’t care. His heart was warm. I pulled away from him slightly and he grabbed for my hands...covering them slightly in blood. My eyes widened.

“Max, why are you bleeding!?” I screeched at him, rushing him into the bathroom.

“Sorry honey...” he whispered. “I forgot. Don’t worry, it’ll be better really soon.” He smiled at me as I bandaged it up. “Really, there’s no need for this,” he said, pointing at his bandaged hand.

“How did it happen?” I asked, kissing his palm.

“I uhh...punched a mirror...” he said softly.

“Why?” I asked. He looked down.

“Because I hate myself sometimes.” I sighed softly in disbelief. How could someone so wonderful hate themselves so much?