My life as a loser in High School.

Christmas was approaching fast. I had the usual twinge of excitement but it was drowned out with worry. Last year, my mother took Christmas pretty bad. Of course she did. It was the first without my father. We didn’t even put any decorations up and whilst I went to my Grandfather’s for dinner, she spent all day in the bathroom crying.

I didn’t know whether to bring the subject up this Christmas. My mother seemed happy enough and I really didn’t want to ruin that. Anyway, she seemed rather preoccupied with this guy she met at the gym. His name was Wayne and I haven’t met him. Nor did I want to for that matter.

It was pathetic. She was acting like a schoolgirl again. I thought she was bad enough with the decorator but she has really outdone herself this time. Maybe I was just being selfish? I mean, shouldn’t my mother deserve to be happy? I know what had brought this on. He was the cause for all other life’s problems too.

Tutoring with Dylan had stopped. Not permanently; just until the days get warmer and night time stops beginning at like four in the afternoon. At first I was happy about the arrangement. I mean, this was what I wanted all along, wasn’t it?

However, I think I’ve actually started to miss Dylan. It must be the same way you start to miss a really big headache if you’ve had it long enough, or when you get hiccups and they suddenly stop, and it completely throws you because your body waiting for this next hiccup.

Not even Jay knew how I felt about this situation. It had only been three weeks since we had stopped the tutoring so how love struck would I look, yearning after some boy I was suppose to hate. But of course, Jay still didn’t know about the kiss. And he didn’t know about the landing on me incident which was confusing as hell.

I see shopping as one of the evils of Christmas. I absolutely hate it with a passion. I never know what to get anyone. My mum gets the family their presents and says they’re from me as well which is just fine with me. I get my mum the same thing I get her every year- a voucher for her to get her hair done. I mean, apart from working, she doesn’t really do anything else. Well that’s if you don’t include her new found interest in the gym.

I had got Jay’s and Sid’s gifts from a joke shop. I smiled as I thought about what their reactions would be. I had got them the same thing and I know Jay would laugh about his but there was a good chance Sid might be offended. He was weird like that.

Another thing that was going to be sucky this season (apart from the extra weight I will put on because of the extra food. Not that I’m hugely overweight anyway, but like most people, I find it a pain when I can no longer fit into my clothes. My bodies annoying in the way that if I do put weight on it will go straight to my hips, leaving my boobs the pathetic bit of flesh they are) was the annual Christmas Disco.

Yes, even though we are young adults now, the teachers still feel the need to call it a “disco”. A “dance” would be a better name for it but they tend not to listen to the students. Apparently it was the usual crappy DJ, the “popular” girls (these were the ones who bunked school most of time and have had a strong addiction to cigarettes since the age of eleven) wore the most revealing outfits ever. The boys tended to run and skid across the floor as this was the only time a teacher couldn’t tell them off. I couldn’t wait.

We had lessons in the morning even though it was the last day of term. I had English with Dylan but like always he ignored me. When I was out Christmas shopping, I even thought about buying him a gift. That is how crazy shopping makes me. I contemplated getting him a card but I was scared he would laugh at me. Plus his girlfriend might just behead me.

The bell went signalling that it was party time and I let go of the breath I was holding. I quickly grabbed my bag and scurried out of the room before I got trampled by the younger years. Most people had just come to school in the clothes they were wearing for the disco however other’s, like me for example, had come with their clothes in their bags. I didn’t know whether I was going to get changed or not. I had on a plain shirt and jeans but in my bag, I had a bright pink vest top that made the most of the little curves I actually had and a pair of denim hot pants.

As I was walking down the hallway, one glance outside told me that I wasn’t getting changed. I would rather look completely under dressed (or however under dressed you can be for a school disco) than get frost bite. It just wasn’t worth it.

I spotted Jay as I turned the corner. There were at least twenty girls already queuing outside the toilets waiting to change into their party clothes. I shook my head as I walked past even though I knew I was being a complete hypocrite as if it wasn’t for the fact it was snowing outside and I was one hundred percent sane, I would be among them. Some of the girls were applying make up in the corridors using them little compact mirror things. I’ve never been able to work them. I mean, just to apply lip gloss you need at least one hand holding the mirror, another holding the lip gloss tube and another to actually apply the lip gloss. Technically it should be impossible.

I didn’t feel jealous of their talents though. When I was younger I used to be able to tie my shoe lace and walk at the same time. “Jay!” I shouted catching his attention.

He flipped around and grinned at me. Oh, god he was actually wearing make up. He had on some sparkly eye shadow and lip stick. I watched as he strutted towards me. Around his neck hung a gold piece of tinsel he kept pretending to whip people with. His clothes looked relatively normal although his jeans were way tight.

“Brie!” He shrieked, wrapping his arms around me and spinning me around. I immediately started protesting but he didn’t put me down until I accidently elbowed him in the face. Jay was one of those annoying people who get way into the Christmas spirit of things. I glared at him as he clutched his nose. Serves him right.

“How can you even breathe in those?” I asked nodded to his jeans that looked like they had been painted on him. He gently pulled his hand away from his face and once certain he wasn’t bleeding to death (which he totally wasn’t; his nose wasn’t even red) he answered me.

“I can breathe fine. It’s my balls that are suffocating.” I blinked at him slowly before shaking my head.

“Oh my God.” I started to walk away and Jay hurried to catch me up.

“What? So you’re allowed to share every single detail of your period with me but I can’t talk about my bits and pieces?” I rolled my eyes as he linked arms with me. “Besides, I thoughts besties were meant to share everything together...” He always made me feel guilty when he said something like that.

“Why are you wearing lipstick?” I questioned changing the subject. He looked at me as if I was stupid.

“It’s tradition silly.” He answered.

“For you to wear lipstick?”

“Nooo.” He dragged the word out. “Kissing under the mistletoe.” I understood that much. I watched as he pulled a long piece of fake mistletoe from his bag and started twiddling it around his fingers.

“Then why do you need lipstick on?” He sighed loudly.

“So people know how many times you’ve been kissed. All the girls do it.” And Jay was obviously the only male. I guess it was a fun idea though. Lipstick is practically impossible to get off without a make up remover wipe. If you try and rub it off with your hand, you just end up with a big red stain covering your face.

I heard the faint sound of music and Jay must have heard it too because he started skipping, happily to the beat. I frowned as he pulled me towards the hall. It looked dark from outside but bright lights kept on flashing different colours. I heard laughter and screeching and the thump of the bass from the speakers.

Goosebumps erupted on my arms from the cold gust of wind coming from the doors. The school hall was hardly the warmest place in the school. Not every one was inside yet but already there were little groups forming of people dancing. I glanced around quickly noticing how dressed up some of the girls were. They looked more like they were going to an actual club than the crappy school disco. I couldn’t deny how pretty some of them looked though. They made me feel like I should have made an effort.

I suddenly felt a pair of lips pressed against my cheek followed by Jay’s high pitched giggle. He ran off before I could hit him in the stomach. I sighed before getting Jay’s hoody I borrowed a couple of weeks earlier out of my bag and pulling it over my head. At least now I wouldn’t freeze- one good thing about this day.

Looking around, I found a spot near the back of the hall. I went to stand in it so I wouldn’t be in the way of everyone else. If Jay wanted me again he could come and find me. I wished I had my phone with me or something. That way I could pretend to be texting someone and look busy or completely bored of the whole thing instead of just sad and friendless like I did right now.

I was stood on my own for about ten minutes watching the room slowly fill up. Girls were running around giving random boys kisses on the cheeks whilst I scowled at them. Most of time they didn’t even used mistletoe- wasn’t that the point of the whole thing.

“Brie!” Jay had come back with a huge grin on his face. His skin was covered in bright red lipstick kisses and he looked rather excited. “Come on! Let’s go have fun.” Before I had time to protest he was dragging me out towards the dance floor. He stopped every few steps to give someone new a kiss on their cheek or to reapply his lipstick. Twice he nearly poked my bloody eye out waving that mistletoe of his.

I wished I was as popular as Jay. Everyone seemed to like him- even the males. Someone who is as open as Jay about their sexuality is usually treated like they have some sort of disease in the high school years; however everyone seemed to have accepted him. I wonder why he decided to befriend me on that first day.

A sudden rush flowed through me. It was the feeling you get when you realise you would do absolutely anything for your best friend even though they annoy you a good eighty percent of the time. I stopped struggling and let Jay pull me to where a crowd of people were stood who weren’t dancing. I smiled happily at the back of his blonde head. He was making sure I wasn’t stood all by myself.

“Dylan!” Okay, forget everything that I had just said. I began to pull my hand away again so I could go and hide in the girls toilets but it was too late; he had already seen us.

Dylan smiled softly at Jay before flicking his green eyes over to me. My heart started beating frantically because of nerves and because even in the semi- darkness Dylan looked absolutely beautiful.

His eyes sparkled like fairy lights and his dark hair shone with health. His pale skin was already covered with lipstick marks. A small pang of jealousy erupted in my stomach but I ignored it. Jay giggled loudly before throwing himself into Dylan’s arms.

Okay, Jay was either really hyper or someone had sneaked in a bottle of vodka and let him at it. Dylan’s face broke out into a full on grin as he helped lift him back onto his feet. I couldn’t help but laugh at them both. “I’ve got mistletoe.” Jay stated holding the limp piece of plastic in his face. His lips pouted before pressing them to one of the few empty spaces on Dylan’s cheek.

Dylan chuckled, pulling a face as Jay slobbered all over him. Well, I guess it’s not every day you can kiss whoever you want and have an excuse for it. Jay was certainly making sure he got his fill. “You have soft cheeks. Do you moisturise?” Jay asked. I snorted and both of them looked at me. “I’m going to dance now. You two have fun being boring.” Jay sang before skipping off once again. But this time I wasn’t left on my own.

The awkwardness was tense between us. I tried my hardest to look anywhere but at Dylan. He wasn’t making it easy though. “It’s nice to see you got so dressed up.” Dylan said into my ear. I jumped not realising he was so close to me. I could feel my cheeks burning. Okay, so I didn’t look as nice as everyone else. My blonde hair was tied back into two lose braids that were falling out and Jay’s hoody was huge on me. I folded my arms and still didn’t meet his gaze.

“You too.” It was true. Dylan didn’t look any different to what he usually did, minus the kisses on his face. He was obviously too cool for these sort of things. Yeah, right.

He took a step forward so his arm was pressed against my own. I pretended not to notice him though the weight of his eyes on me was heavy. “Aren’t you going to dance?” He asked. I shook my head. A girl appeared in front of us smiling at Dylan.

“Do I get to kiss you?” She simpered. He raised an eyebrow at her. I turned my head to see what he would reply with.

“If you can find a space on me. You’re like the fiftieth person to ask.” She giggled loudly and I rolled my eyes. I looked away so I didn’t have to see her kiss him. I wonder what Katie thought about this anyway. I scanned the crowd looking for her. She was with a small group of girls running around trying to kiss everyone like everyone else. I guess it really was a tradition then.

The loud, bouncy song that was currently playing stopped and was instantly replaced by a slow number. The girl laughed gently and flirtatiously placed her hand on her hip. “Do you want to dance?” She was confident, I’ll give her that. I twisted my head once again to see what his answer would be.

He shook his head and smiled at her. “Thanks anyway.” He said as she walked away. I tried hard to hide my smirk.

“Aren’t you going to dance?” I asked mimicking the tone he used earlier. Dylan licked his lips slowly before replying.

“I don’t dance.” Oh, so there was another thing he wasn’t good at. Maybe he wasn’t so perfect after all. I spotted Jay gliding through the slow dancers towards me. I mentally prayed that he wouldn’t drag me out onto the dance floor. I also spotted Kate with her arms around some guy in my art class. I don’t know if Dylan had seen her too but he didn’t look too bothered. Maybe it was a couple thing with them? If a slow song came on, Katie found someone else to dance with whilst Dylan stood at the sides.

“What’s up Briester?” Jay sang as he approached.

“I’m not dancing before you even ask.” I hastily replied. Jay held his hands up in defence. He held the lipstick in one hand.

“You haven’t kissed anyone yet. You’re a Kings girl now. You have too.” I sighed before letting him apply the lipstick on me. I tried not to think about how many other mouths it had touched tonight. Dylan laughed as Jay squeezed my cheeks between one of his hands. I must have looked ridiculous.

Once he let go of me, I quickly kissed his cheek. “Happy now?” I asked. He grinned and shook his head.

“Now you have to kiss Dylan.” I glared at him. He had set me up once again.

“I’m sure Dylan doesn’t want to be kissed by me.” I babbled taking tiny steps back.

“Sure I do.” Dylan smirked taking a huge step towards me. He leaned in towards me turning his cheek. I gulped before moving my mouth near his face. Just before I pressed my lips to his cheek, he turned his head a fraction.

My kiss collided with the side of his mouth. I quickly pulled away to make sure no one had witnessed what happened. Dylan was still way too close to me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to punch him so hard in the face and I wanted to kiss his so bad as well. They weren’t lying when they said being a teenager was confusing.

The expression on his face was unreadable. “Merry Christmas Brie.”

***

“Oh my God!” Jay squealed for like the hundredth time. “I kissed Dylan!”

I smiled and tried to fake my enthusiasm. “Yeah, you did.” He looked at me happily.

“You kissed him too.”

“Hmm...” Jay didn’t seem to think anything was wrong about the fact I almost full on lip locked with Dylan once again. Of course he didn’t know about the other time.

“Let’s go tell Sidney!” I didn’t argue as he suddenly dragged off in the direction of Sid’s house. Sid wasn’t as impressed as Jay hoped he would be. I can’t say I blamed him. Jay took offense to Sid’s lack of enthusiasm and punished him by chasing him around the room with his bit of mistletoe which was looking a little ruined.

I got home about six. Most of the lights were switched on which let me know my mother was home. “Mum?” I shouted into the quiet house. I strained my ears and heard her stumbling around upstairs. I followed the noise and found her in her room trying to squeeze herself into a dress. I frowned. “Where are you going?”

“Wayne told me that he knows a place that sells really good Christmas trees.” She gushed. Her face was pink with either excitement or struggling into her outfit.

“Can I come?” Her face dropped for a moment.

“Honey, his car’s only small. There isn’t enough room for three people and a tree. Besides he’s taking me out for dinner after.” She grinned at the last part. I just stared at her.

“Well have fun.” I spat before storming out of her bedroom.

“Brie...” I slammed my own bedroom door and heard her sigh. The beep of a taxi came from outside and I heard her shout goodbye. Wayne couldn’t even be bothered to pick her up. What a loser. I guess I was just bitter because my mother had a date on a Friday night and I didn’t.

I threw my bag onto my bed with impact. I was angry and taking it out on my mother but I couldn’t help it. I breathed deeply and decided to put the clothes away I hadn’t worn earlier. There was a white envelope in my bag which I hadn’t put in there. I smiled. Jay had already given me a Christmas card but he must have sneaked another one into my bag when I wasn’t looking.

I ripped the envelope open and the card fell out into my hand. On the front was a black and white picture of a snowy landscape. In the distance I could see a man and a woman with their fingers entwined. I opened the card to read the message inside. It wasn’t from Jay.

Dear Brie,
I hope you have a good Christmas. I really mean that.
-D

I stared at it for a couple of minutes before sticking it above my bed. Sad I know, but it didn’t stop the small smile forming on my lips.