My life as a loser in High School.

The house looked like freaking Christmas World by the end of the week. My mother and her new “boyfriend” Wayne had bought whole new decorations to go with our brand new tree. Instead of just throwing everything on the tree like we usually did, they actually got colour co-ordinated tinsel and baubles. The lights were just plain instead of multicoloured flashing ones which I was so used to. Christmas was really beginning to feel... not Christmas.

I and Jay decided to go to Sid’s house on Christmas Eve to swap presents. I was okay with this arrangement- anything to get out of the house. Sid’s mum had gone for the whole colour co-ordinated look too but she managed to pull it off and made her house feel cosy instead of a display inside a shop.

Like usual, Sid’s room was a tad messy. He had made his bed though which was definitely a change. Sid was sat by his computer, occasionally pressing a few buttons. He was playing some sort of game although he held the same bored expression he did always. His dark greasy hair was tucked under a hat and his glasses were perched on the end of his nose.

Jay looked overly excited. He kept squealing like a little girl and bouncing on the bed where I was also sat. I really wished this Christmas thing would be over soon so Jay would go back to normal. “I want my presents first!” He sang in a high pitched voice. I cringed and I saw Sid rolling his eyes.

“Here.” Sid said handing him a rectangle shaped box. Jay felt it for a moment before ripping the wrapping paper off. He opened the box and a huge grin took over his face. He pulled out a picture frame with a photo of Sid and Jay inside. Sid was actually smiling for a change. Jay was pouting and pretending to give Sid a kiss. Sid was obviously oblivious to this.

“Aw, you’re a big softy really aren’t you Sidney. I love it.” He reached over to give him a hug but Sid shoved him away.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it.” I snorted into the hot chocolate Sid’s mum had made us. Jay examined his present once more before looking at me expectantly. I handed him and Sid their presents together as I had got them near enough the same thing. They both felt it cautiously before tearing the paper apart. Instantly Jay burst into laughter. Sid shook his head looking less than impressed.

I had got Jay a “Grow Your Own Boyfriend” and Sid a “Grow Your Own Girlfriend.” They were two little figures that you place in water and they grow. I thought they were hilarious when I first caught sight of them in the shop. Sid wasn’t amused but like always, Jay found it very amusing.

“This is amazing, Brie.” Jay gushed. “I guess this will have to do me until that guy who works in HMV wakes up and realises he’s gay and he totally wants me.” He glanced at Sid. “And it’ll have to do Sidney until he grows a pair and actually talks to a girl.” Sid scowled at him.

“Hey, what am I?” I asked outraged.

“You don’t count.” Jay said. I frowned at him and quickly dodged the present he threw at my head. I sighed before unwrapping it. The frown quickly left my head and was replaced by a grin. He had got me a bright pink feather boa.

“Wow...” I said holding it out so I could see the whole thing. “Erm, thanks I guess?” He beamed at me.

“Here.” Sid said handing me a small box. I carefully opened the box to find a pair of ear rings in the shape of stars. “I didn’t know what to get. My mum said girls like jewellery. They were the first pair I saw.”

“Wow Sidney, you really put a lot of thought into that.” Jay piped up. I glared at Jay.

“Ignore him. I think they’re lovely.” Sid just nodded and turned back to the computer. Jay gave him his last present. It was a silver lighter with his initials carved into it.

“Thanks.” Sid said reaching in his pockets for a packet of cigarettes. He and Jay took one each and they lit them with Sid’s brand new lighter. I wrinkled my nose as the smell of smoke hit my nostrils.

“So Brie, doing anything special tomorrow?” Jay questioned. I frowned once again.

“My mum’s bringing her new boyfriend round for Christmas dinner.” I spat rolling my eyes.

“Whoa, scrooge, what’s wrong with that.” I glared at him.

“Scrooge was a man.”
“Okay, Scroogette.” He corrected. He looked at me pointedly, waiting for me to give him an answer. He would be waiting a very long time because I didn’t have one. The truth was I knew I was being a complete and utter biatch. I couldn’t help it though. Surely a year wasn’t enough time to get over someone?

***

I heard a loud knock on the door. “Brie, could you get that please?! It will be Wayne.” My mother shouted through the kitchen. I stayed where I was tearing one of the “special” Christmas napkins my mother had bought into tiny shreds. “Brie?” I heard the slap of her slippers against the floor become louder. She paused in the doorway and cocked her blonde head to the side. She had a pair of oven gloves on and her cheeks were pink. “Are you still sulking?”

Of course I was. It wasn’t too long ago when I had to endure her flirting with the decorator and now I had to put up with this. “No.” I replied defiantly. She sighed and opened the front door herself. The sound of mumbling rang in the air before my mother was stood at the door again, a man next to her.

“Give me ten more minutes and dinner will be dished up. Here, do you want me to take your jacket?” She smiled at “Wayne”. He thanked her and handed her his coat. I trailed my eyes over him feeling a little surprised. Wayne wasn’t I expected. When my mother said she had met him at the gym, I had an image of some body builder who was completely full of himself.

Wayne was tall with a small stomach developing under his jumper that comes with age. He still had a full head of dark chocolate coloured hair which looked like it wasn’t styled into any particular shape. His eyes were too a dark brown and he had laughter lines around them.

I raised my eyebrow at his choice of clothing. He had on normal enough trousers but the jumper he was wearing was bright green with Rudolph on the front. Tiny silver bells had been sewed in so he was like a one man band whenever he moved. I had heard about these people but I didn’t know they actually existed.

He must have noticed me staring at his front because he said, “My daughter bought me it for Christmas. It’s her idea of a joke. She always gets me these bloody presents.”

My stomach dropped a little. “You have a daughter?” I choked. Great, this was all I needed. The only thing that could have made the situation worse was if it turned out his daughter was Kate or something. Wow, that would be awkward.

“Yeah, she’s twenty five.” He explained. The tight feeling in my chest instantly vanished.

“Oh.” We were interrupted by my mother coming in with our plates. I quickly stood up to help her and once we were out the room she hissed at me that I had better be being nice. The food looked lovely and smelled even better. Whilst we were eating Wayne told me about his life and I found as much as I wanted to dislike this guy, I couldn’t.

Wayne Cadwell is forty six years old. He has been married twice and he has a daughter named Ashley who is expecting her first child in May. Wayne is a doctor specialising in he eyes. He said the first thing he noticed about my mother was her bright blue eyes.

Wayne’s first marriage was to his childhood sweetheart. They got married when he was nineteen. Two years later his wife gave birth to Ashley. They were all about to live happily ever after until his wife was involved in a car accident three years later. Wayne was stuck raising a three year old child all by himself.

Six years later he met his second wife. They got married a year later. They were married for twelve years but just “fell out of love” as Wayne put it. He has been single for three years until he met my mother and decided she was beautiful. They had been dating a little over a month and thought that Christmas day was the perfect day for him to meet her sulky teenage daughter.

I excused myself from the table and went to scrape what was left on my plate into the bin. I felt like crying, I really did. Wayne and my mother were perfect for each other. Both their partners had passed away. They both liked cheesy soap opera’s and found themselves funny when they weren’t.

I left them in the living room watching some corny Christmas film and headed up to my bedroom. All my presents were in a pile in the corner of my room. My father had died in November last year but still it felt like it had only happened yesterday. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat although it was almost painful.

My bed creaked as I sat on it, folding my knees up so my chin rested on them. The photo of my mother and father on their honeymoon was still on my dressing table. They both looked so happy. How could she be happy with someone else? How can she already be trying to replace him? Even Wayne waited six years before he met someone new.

I thought back to all my previous Christmas’s; at least the ones where I was old enough to remember. One stood out particularly in my mind. It was the only Christmas we had were it had actually snowed.

I and my dad sneaked out side before my mum was awake to make a snowman. I was only eleven at the time. We dressed the snowman up in my mum’s bra and scarf with a pair of her knickers over its head. She came out screaming that the neighbours could see her underwear. My father just thought it was hilarious though, the same way Dylan would if I was in a mood. My mother couldn’t stay mad at my dad for long though.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. They were stinging from the tears threatening to spill. I heard Wayne’s laugh downstairs and it suddenly hit me. I was never going to see my dad at another Christmas again. He would never see me get married. He would never hold my first child. He wouldn’t see me graduate.

I slid further down my bed and held a pillow over my head to block out the noise. They say it gets easier but I wanted to know when. I wanted to know how someone could ever get over pain like this.