I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

The tears were staining my face as I watched Kevin beating Troy up. I saw my dress lying on the ground, disheveled and slightly torn. My tights were completely ripped. The world seemed to be shaking. It took me a second to realize that it was my loud sobbing that was causing it. I couldn't think. It seemed so unreal. This whole scene. The clothes on the floor, Kevin beating up the guy who had just – raped me.

"You fucking asshole," Kevin punched Troy again. "That's my fucking baby sister."

I grabbed my head. I didn't want to hear this. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to leave this behind. I just wanted the pain to stop. "Kevin please," I begged, grabbing his arm, my tears pouring down more rapidly now. "Let's just go. Kevin, please."

But he didn't seem to hear me. I could see the rage all over his face. It was a familiar look. It was the look he usually reserved for me. I whimpered subconsciously. He looked scary, even if his anger wasn't directed at me this time.

"You piece of shit," Kevin punched Troy in the face again.

Troy started laughing. "This one had it coming," he went to grab me. "Pretty little thing. It's a wonder no one's tried before."

Kevin yanked my arm hard, pulling me out of Troy grip. He pulled me behind him, seething at Troy. He was slightly crouched in a protective stance, ready to charge at Troy. I grabbed his arm quickly. I just wanted to go home. "Kevin, please," I cried. "Please, let's just go."

Kevin huffed, glaring at Troy one last time before turning around, grabbing my arm, and walking out of there. Neither of us said anything as he guided me to his car. I was grateful for his help. I couldn't pay attention to anything, let alone where I was going. I couldn't believe what had happened. I was still in hysterics as he gently sat me into the front seat. We were half way home before he slowly pulled to the side of the road, and stopped the car. He turned to me, his eyes so sympathetic and gentle. It was so strange. This was Kevin. And yet, I had never felt safer. I can't bring myself to look at him. I feel so dirty, so used, so ashamed, so worthless.

"Mia," he said, taking my hand. "You're my baby sister, not just Joe's. I know it doesn't mean much after everything I've done to you, but I love you. I've always loved you, even when I said I hated you. I'm so sorry Mia. You didn't deserve this," his voice broke. That made me look at me, complete shock on my face. "You've never deserved any of it."

And that was a wrap for me. My hysterics started again, this time on Kevin's shirt. I buried my head in his chest, letting my suppressed sobs out. Kevin didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around me, one hand gently running over my head. "D-d-did he hurt you when –," he took a deep breath, as if he couldn't finish his sentence. This causes a whole new round of hysterics.

"It hurt so much Kevin," I cried. "I was so scared. It hurt so much." My voice broke.

I heard him take another deep breath before holding me closer. "It's going to be okay Mia. I'm right here. You're going to be okay."

I didn't say anything, just letting my tears out. Kevin kept repeating those lines over and over again until I was quiet. Then he started driving again. Once he parked into the driveway, he quickly stepped out, coming over to my side to help me. He gently grabbed my wrist. "Did he use a condom," Kevin asked seriously.

I tried to think back to when – it happened. He was kissing me, taking my clothes off, climbing on top of me, -- penetrating me. It was all a blur. I couldn't think straight. "I—I don't remember," I admitted, my voice quiet as I felt a new round of tears coming on. My breathing was getting more strained, my chest starting to hurt, my head pounding. I didn't remember. The tears started again.

Kevin held me tight. "Don't worry Mia. It'll be okay. There's only a 50-50 chance." He kept repeating that. But I couldn't really hear him. Had Troy used a condom? I couldn't remember. Panic and fear swept through my whole body.

Kevin spoke again, this time, his voice just a whisper. "What do you want to tell Nick and Joe," he asked.

I froze. "No," I half shouted. "Kevin, we can't tell them."

"But—"

"No Kevin," I cut him off. "You know them. You know how protective they are. If you tell Joe, he'll go after Troy. You know he will. He'll kill him."

Acknowledgment hit his face. He knew I was right. He knew Joe would go after Troy. And he knew Nick would be right there behind him. They couldn't find out. Kevin was analyzing my face. I knew my tone and my expression were dead serious. Joe and Nick could not find out. Kevin sighed. "Okay Mia. This will be our little secret. Only because if Joe did go after him, I'd be too compelled to help him."

I smiled slightly. "Thanks big brother," I hugged him.

We went inside, stopping in front of mine and Joe's room. Kevin embraced me tightly. His kissed my forehead. "No matter what Mia. I'm going to be here for you."

I nodded and walked into the room. I changed into my pajamas and climbed into the bed next to Joe. It was like one o'clock and Joe was fast asleep on his bed. I just stared at my twin brother, my protector, my best friend. I was seventeen years old. And I could be pregnant. I could just imagine Joe's reaction to that. I could never tell him I was raped. Even if he had to think I was some slut, he could never know. I had to protect him from himself. The tears started again. I bit onto my pillow to not make a sound as I cried myself out. Finally, as I felt control coming back to me; I turned to look at Joe. "I'm sorry," I whispered, resting my head on his extended arm. "I'm so sorry I let you down."