I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

"It'll be okay Mia," Kevin said as he took my hand. I was sitting on his bed, holding my knees to my chest, and he was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying, once again, to comfort me. "I'll be here for you."

"Thanks Kevin," I said quietly. It was so weird. Kevin was comforting me. Kevin was telling me everything was going to be okay. Kevin was the only one who knew my secret. Kevin. Not Joe. The thought made me laugh a bit.

"What's so funny," he asked timidly, obviously wondering if my sanity had been affected.

I knew why. This was no laughing matter. But still, I continued to giggle. "I was just thinking about how it's you that's helping me, and not Joe. I mean, he doesn't even know. And he's my twin. And not even two weeks ago, you hated me. And here I am, in your room, talking to you about something I can never tell Joe."

He smiled a bit. "Weird how things change, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "It's so weird."

I left then, going back to mine and Joe's room. When I walked in, I saw Joe sitting on the bed, staring out ahead of him, a slight deranged look on his face. He seemed lost in thought, yet not in peace. "Um, Joe," I said, timidly. "Something wrong?"

Finally, as if finally noticing my presence, he said, "Just thinking."

"About," I asked.

He shrugged. "I was looking in the trash can."

I smiled slightly. "Why? Looking for leftovers?"

"And I found something," he said, continuing as if I hadn't talked.

I held my breath as he held it up. It was my test. I gasped. He found it. He knew. "Joe, I—"

"And I was sitting here," he continued. "Just thinking about this. First I thought. Mia? But then I was like no. If this were hers, she would have told me. She would have come to me in tears no doubt." A tang of guilt rushed through me. "Wouldn't she? I mean I'm her twin. I am her big brother. I'm her best friend. She would have told me. But then I thought, would she have told me? Before, two weeks ago, yeah she would have. But now? Now that she was with Kevin all the time, now that she had a new older brother, would she still tell me?" Finally, he looked at me. He stood up and walked over to me, his hand gently pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. "Mia, is there something you want to tell me?"

I sighed. There was no way out of it. "I—it's mine," I finally choked out. "I'm so sor—"

It happened so fast then, I didn't even have time to blink. Joe's fist connected with my face. It took me a moment to realize what had happened, to let it sink in. Joe had hit me. I tasted the blood in my mouth before I even reached up to touch my lips. I gasped as I looked at my hand, my fingers covered with the crimson blood, my blood.

"Slut," Joe said, his voice cold and detached. I looked at him, the sound of his voice, the hurtful word coming from his lips, it hurt more than anything. I realized then that I was terrified. I was terrified of Joe. The fear instilled in me at this moment was far worse than anything I had ever felt with Kevin or my dad. This was Joe, my Joey. This was my twin, my older brother, my protector. But no. He wasn't anymore, was he? Not right now. His deranged expression, his hard, detached eyes, they told me that much. The chill of it ran through my body. I felt the tears running down my cheek. And yet, Joe just stared at me, his expression not changing. My tears, which had long since caused Joe to become the silent and sometimes not so silent protector, had lost their power. I had lost my brother. But no. I couldn't. I wouldn't lose him.

"Joe, I didn't—" I wanted him to understand. I wanted him to realize that I didn't want this. But I stopped. How could I get him to understand? I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him Troy had raped me. How could I? I knew Joe well enough, better than even he knew himself. And I knew what would happen if he found out. I could not let him know. I would not be the reason Joe killed someone. I winced. I knew Joe so well. I knew that would be his reaction. But he knew me as well too, didn't he Why didn't he already know that I would never, ever willingly go against my religion? Why didn't he ask me what had happened? Why had he jumped to conclusions, the wrong conclusions, so quickly?

"Didn't what Amelia," he spat out, his voice harsh as he used my whole name. "Didn't want me to know? Too late for that, you whore."

I winced at his words. This was worse than anything that had ever happened to me. The hatred I had felt from my dad and Kevin all these years – they were nothing to the loathing I saw in Joe's eyes. "Joey, please—"

He hit me again. "Don't call me Joey," he seethed. I fell back a bit, taken back more by his words. He grabbed onto my shoulder and shook me. "Who, huh?" He punched me. "Who was it? Whose going to be the father of my darling little niece or nephew?" I didn't answer. He shook me harder, punched me again. "I asked you a question slut."

"Troy," I cried, tears overwhelming me. I couldn't even see. I couldn't think straight. All I knew was that I deserved this. I let him down. I lied to him, I was still lying to him. He was right to hit me, to beat the sin out of me.

"You little whore," he yelled, hitting me again and again and again.

The door opened, and Kevin and Nick stormed in, pulling Joe off of me. Nick held Joe's arms back as he thrashed to get at me again. Kevin wrapped his arms around me, positioning me so that he was standing between me and Joe. He was protecting me. He was saving me from Joe. I buried my head in his chest and cried even harder. "Are you okay," Kevin asked me, running his hand down my hair as I continued to soak his shirt.

"Thanks Kev," I nodded slightly. But the truth was I wasn't okay. I was never going to be okay again. Joe hated me. He truly loathed me. And I couldn't even fix it or apologize because I couldn't tell him the truth. I could never tell him the truth.

Joe spoke then, his voice low but deadly. "You're going to let this bastard take my place Amelia? This asshole who has been treating you like crap for how many years? You're going to pick him over me? How could you? How could you keep that from me? That Amelia? I was your twin, your big brother. Not him."

I didn't say anything. My mind was wrapped around one word. Was. He was my big brother, my twin. Was he saying he wasn't anymore? I felt my heart break. I felt half my soul leave me. I felt empty.

"Let's just calm down, okay," Nick said soothingly, and completely obliviously. Nobody said anything. "What is going on? I mean seriously. What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Joe snatched his arms out of Nick's loosened grasp and threw the pregnancy test at him. "The little princess is pregnant," he seethed, pausing to throw a disdained look at me.

I saw Nick's eyes widen, his mouth dropping a bit. I winced, getting ready for his attack now. But instead, he just looked at me. It surprised me. In his eyes, I didn't see anger, or hatred. I saw shock. I saw pain. I saw pity.

"Nicky, please," I cried, reaching out to him. I needed at least him to understand. I couldn't tell him the truth either. His reaction wouldn't be too far from Joe's. But he didn't hate me. And I had to salvage what I could. "Nick, I didn't want to be. I didn't—"

Joe cut me off. "You know what Amelia? When Dad finds out, which he will, even if I'm the one telling him, he's going to beat the living shit out of you. And you know what else? I'm not going to be there to protect you. I'm not going to step in. I'm sure your new brother Kevin can do that just fine." I could hear the slightest sound of jealousy in his voice as he spoke. But then, I couldn't as he said, "You're just like Dad always said – worthless, spoiled, and nothing but a slutty poison on all of us." I cringed at his words.

"That's en—" Kevin started.

"In fact," Joe cut him off. He walked over to the room, and grabbed my arm, wrenching me from Kevin's grip. "Why don't we go share the love and joy with Mom and Dad? I'm sure neither of them would want to miss out on a chance to be Grandma and Grandpa Jonas." And before anyone could say a word, Joe pulled me out of our room, pulling me down the stairs.