I'm Not a Princess, This Ain't a Fairytale

The tears were still pouring down my cheeks as Joe pulled me into the room, letting me go to stand in the center of attention in front of my parents. My mom stood up off the couch, her face full of concern. I saw her eyes flutter to Joe for a split second before coming back to me. She was probably thinking the same thing as me right now. Why was he doing this? I knew why. He hated me. Joe hated me.

My dad didn't even get up off the couch as Joe stepped forward. "Go ahead Mia. Tell them the great news."

"Joe—"

He glared at me, the loathing evident in his eyes. "Tell them," he seethed.

"What is it Mia," my mom asked, her voice a little scared.

"Stop it," Kevin breathed to Joe. "You're hurting her. You're going to regret this. Stop it now."

"Shut up Kevin," Joe said quietly. And then he spoke out loudly. "Go ahead Mia. Or would you like me to do the honors? Seeing as I'm going to be an uncle."

Everyone's eyes darted to Joe. My dad was the first one to assess it. "So," he said standing. "You little slut. You went and did it, didn't you? You little whore."

I looked down. I didn't say anything. I didn't correct him. I didn't eve look at him. My thoughts were centered on Joe. He knew what my dad would do to me when he found out. He knew what would happen. And yet he threw me into the lion's den. He threw me in here like fresh meat. And he was enjoying it. So many words, names, derogative things were being thrown at me. So much loathing. And yet Joe was enjoying this. He wanted this. My protector had led me into a pack of hungry wolves unprotected, unarmed. This was my end. And Joe was encouraging it. And I had never been more terrified in my life.

My dad hit me, his fist making me stagger back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nick rooted to his spot. His mouth was open, and he was in complete shock. Joe was holding Kevin back. I couldn't believe it. Kevin was trying to come save me. My dad continued hitting me, making me fall back completely, landing on my back. My mom fell back onto the couch, her hand covering her mouth, tears running down her face. With every blow from my dad, every punch, every fist, I felt a part of my soul leave me. My heart broke every time. Joe was standing there, letting this happen. Joe wasn't helping me. Joe wanted this to happen. I could taste the blood in my mouth, and I could feel it running down my face, out of my nose, from the cut by my eye. "Was it worth it, you whore," my dad asked menacingly as he hit me again. "Was it worth ruinging your brothers' career? What are people going to think?" Over and over again, he hit me. The pain was seeping through me. But it wasn't as bad as the slight smile I saw on Joe's face. "What have you got to say for it princess? Huh? What have you got to say you spoiled little slut?"

I was sobbing now, the tears never seeming to stop. But I couldn't tell the truth. I couldn't even tell them to save myself, because Joe would do something. Joe would go kill him. I stood there, taking the pain, taking the words, to save Joe. And I began to concentrate on that as my dad continued to scream at me and beat me. I thought about my twin brother. My real twin brother. My protector. My best friend. My everything. Not this detached – thing taken his place. And I was somewhat comforted. Despite all the pain, I felt my heart mend a bit, only to break again. The truth was that he was this guy right now. He was the deranged guy who had thrown me to the wolves. And it broke my heart. It broke my spirit.

"You're a monster," I heard Kevin seethe to Joe, who was still holding him back. Kevin continued to trash, trying to escape, trying to rush to me.

"I'm a monster," Joe laughed. "Look whose talking Kevin. When have you ever cared this much about Mia before? From what I remember, you were causing her pain. It was you." He pulled his arms tighter behind his back. I saw Kevin wince in pain.

"You're such an assh—"

"Stop it," I screamed. Something inside me snapped. Joe was now fighting with Kevin. I couldn't take it. I couldn't. Joe would do something he was going to regret later. I had to protect him. "Please stop it! I was raped, okay? I was raped! He raped me. He took everything from me. Do you guys want to know why he raped me? Because I'm an easy, worthless little slut. That's why." I was sobbing even harder now, that I couldn't talk anymore. The room had grown so quiet. Suddenly, Nick was next to me, his arms around me. "Who did this to you Mia," he asked, the anger audible in his voice. "What fucker did this?"

"My baby," my mom was crying on the couch. My dad was taken back, his face clearly surprised and taken back. He was speechless.

I just buried my head into Nick's chest and let the sobs take over me. I could feel Nick's own tears fall on my forehead as he kissed my head, stroking my hair. He was comforting me. My little brother was trying to protect me. I heard Joe laughing. He had let go of Kevin now. And he was laughing. "The little bitch is lying," he choked out.

"Joseph," our mom warned.

"The spoiled, little brat is lying," he repeated, sill laughing as he ignored her. "Can't you guys see? She's lying through her teeth." My sobs grew louder.

Kevin stepped in front of him. "You disgust me," he said, contempt flooding his tone. "You're a monster Joseph, you truly are. I went to that party, remember Joseph? I went to see if he was really trustworthy. Want to know what I walked in on? He was hitting her, raping her, taking her life away from her. I couldn't do anything but bring her home. After all my hatred of her, after my horrid behavior, that was all I could do. He took advantage of her. She was so – innocent that she didn't even realize his motives. She couldn't see. He pounced on her Joseph, he pounced on her the first chance he got."

Nick's arms tightened around me as he heard this. I couldn't do anything but cry even more, the memories of that night, that – horrid experience, replaying in my head. The front door slammed. We all looked around to see my dad gone. I cried all the harder. He hated me so much, his own daughter, that he couldn't stick around after he found out I was raped.

Kevin grabbed the front of Joe's shirt, and thrust him forward, making him look at me. "Look at what you've done Joseph. Look at the mess you've created. "Some great, protective brother you are Joseph, truly. But you know what? You know the worst part? It's not that you did this to her, or let dad beat her. It's that despite all of this, Mia will always, always be your little girl. Your little girl, not mine, not Nick's, not mom's, and sure as hell not dad's. Yours. You called me a monster all these years? Ha. You really think anything I could ever do to her, even the worst possible thing, would be worse than you doing this to her?" Kevin released him them, and came over to me, hugging me as well. I knew he was crying, because he was shaking as he held me.

I watched as Joe lost it completely, collapsing on the couch. His fists were balled up, his head in my hands. I cried. Kevin was right. Joseph, Joe, my Joey, had been my twin since I was born. But as we grew up, he had become more. He became my best friend, then my protector, then my everything. I had never known anything but the love and warmth of his personality, the protectiveness he held for me, and the smiles he put on my face. For so long, my dad had wanted nothing to do with me. And until recently, neither had Kevin. But I was okay, because I had Joe. I knew I could make it because he was with me. He had filled those holes for me, the fatherly protection, the brotherly love. Kevin was right. All my life, I hadn't been just a small little girl. I had been his little girl. I had been his baby girl.

My mother was crying hysterically on the couch. Kevin went over to her, hugging her as she cried into his chest. I just buried myself deeper in Nick's protective embrace as the tears continued to pour down my face more quietly now. No one said anything. Finally, Joe took his head out of his face,. I saw his eyes were red and puffy. Slowly, he stood up and walked to me. I heard Nick hold his breath. It took me a moment to realize I was holding mine too. I watched Joe, never having seen him like this. I had never seen him in this state. He reached out and touched my face ever so gently. I couldn't help but wince. I saw Joe cringe at that. Softly and gently, he stroked a bruise on my cheek. "Mia, you're – you're my best friend. You're – everything to me. Can't you see? I – I am such a monster, and I wish you could forgive me, I wish there was something I could do to have you forgive me. I –" And he broke down, turning away as if he couldn't even look at me. I started sobbing again. Seeing Joe in this much pain, seeing my Joey so hurt, hurt me most of all. I wanted to reach out to comfort him. I wanted to feel him warm embrace. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to touch him.

Nick held me tighter. "Why don't you just leave her alone? Why don't you just walk out on her like Dad did so many years ago? She doesn't need you Joe."

Lies. I needed him. I needed him more than anything. Painfully, I watched his cower backwards up the stairs. I was a little girl. I would always be a little girl in this family, especially in Joe's eyes. I was just his little girl. I had always been small, cowering behind my great Joey. But in all my life, I had never felt this small. I was pregnant, on the verge of having another life to be responsible for, and here I was, hysterically crying into my baby brother's chest as he soothed me, making sure I was all right. I knew, pregnant or not, in my twin brother's eyes, I would always be a little girl, his little girl. No one could touch me, no one could harm me, no one could phase me, as long as he was there. He was my protector, my brother, my twin, my best friend. And I was his little girl. I realized then, how little I was, only seventeen and so insignificant in this world. I could be seven or seventeen or seventy. But I would always be seen as a little girl in this house, trying to find love and protection. And before everyone else, I would always be Joey's little girl first.