Give Me a Reason to Believe

Three weeks after that day, Gerard did a huge 180 and was released from the hospital. He eventually returned to school, and was the best friend and boyfriend I could ever ask for; things were better than they had been when we first got together.

Sometimes I think crisis makes you realize just how wonderful things were when everything was going okay. Recovering from that crisis is the best feeling you could want.

I had visited him every day in the hospital since, and the guys would usually be in there when I walked in. We helped him get his clothes together that Thursday and skipped school to check him out on Friday morning.

Much to his dismay, a fifteen year old candystriper had to wheel him to the door, hospital policy. He practically sprung from the chair and ran to his car, or at least tried to. His leg was fucked up, and he was limping slightly. He could at least drive his own car home, though; Mikey had brought it at Gerard’s request.

“So when are you coming back to school?” Bob had asked then.

“Not sure. Doctor says I have to take some recoup time, take it easy, chill out at home, no school, crap like that. They said two weeks, if I go real easy,” said Gerard, obviously not digging that idea.

“Shitty,” was the general response. I didn’t care. I was in the passenger seat, holding onto his hand resting on the gear shift, and at every stop light and yield sign he would lean over and kiss me. That moment was perfect, and as for him not being at school for a while, well, I’d deal with that lameness when I came to it.

Later that night we were hanging out in my basement, shooting the shit, eating junk and flipping through the channels. It wouldn’t seem that great to most people, but this was one of our favorite things to do. No pressure to be exciting or fun, just a few friends being together, doing whatever.

We were all in our own little worlds, Gerard and I contained in our little corner on the couch, and the guys stretched out on the floor and various seats, texting God knows what to each other like dorks.

I was laying with my head in Gee’s lap, looking up at his soft delicate face. His features were so refined, but his jaw was strong and defined. He looked so relaxed, his eyes half closed, his fingers absently stroking my hair.

I wanted to bring him out of his little reverie, so I reached up and gently brushed his hair out of his eyes. He perked up a little, caught my hand in his and held it against his cheek, nuzzling it.

His eyes met mine, and I felt suddenly shy. I blushed and could only hold his gaze for a second. He smiled, leaned down, and kissed my lips softly. He held it for only an instant, and when he pulled back, he whispered in my ear, so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

“I love you, and I’m sorry,” he said.

This tugged at my heart, and it showed on my face. I whispered back, “I love you too... but you don’t–“ I began, but he put his fingers over my lips and shook his head. I turned my head and nuzzled into his soft body, just enjoying the closeness and warmth.

Before long, I got the feeling I was being watched. I nonchalantly turned my head ‘to see what was on TV’, and found Frank’s eyes flick back to the screen. I felt a stab of guilt, knowing that my happiness was all his doing, and I was being completely selfish. It soon passed, though, and it was once again just me and Gerard on our little cloud.

That little glance had made the silence start to become slightly uncomfortable for me. Then after a while it got a lot more uncomfortable. I was really suffocating in my awkwardness, until Bob spoke and broke it.

"So I'm thinking we should take some time off during the break and go to New York," he said casually.

"Great idea. That's exactly what I have that nine hundred dollars in the bank for," said Mikey sarcastically.

"Well that's why I'm saying during the break, jackass, so we have time to save," replied Bob.

"I think it's a good idea," Gerard said, "We should go to Manhattan and blow a shitload of money."

Frank and Ray showed general agreement, and so the rest of the night was spent making plans and drawing up cost estimates. Gerard wouldn't hear of me saving any money, because he planned to buy me everything I wanted. I pretended to resist a little bit, but really it was very sweet. It was just like him to do something like that.

Saturday and Sunday passed quietly and without much event, as Gerard's mom made him rest and wouldn't let anyone see him. I was dreading the following Monday without Gerard. Sure, the guys would be there, but... they're not him.

I trudged into the school and threw my shit in my locker. I was later than usual, classes started in about ten minutes, so I went to a little nook outside the library where we usually sat and did dick all until the bell rang. Sure enough, Frank and Mikey were there; Bob and Ray were always late.

Just as I walked up, Mikey got up to go to the can, so I was left feeling very awkward, not sure whether I wanted to sit down and strike up a chat, or keep walking and pretend I wasn't coming to sit. I decided the former.

"Hey. How's it goin'," I said as normally as I could.

"Tired," he said. He sounded like it.

"Listen...", I began awkwardly, "I just... wanted to make sure that, I don't know, you're okay with... stuff... because I don't want things to change, you know? I mean, things have changed a lot already, but ... you know... I don't..." This wasn't going well.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's going to take some time, I'm gonna be honest. I've never actually felt any envy for Gerard before, and it's something I'm going to have to get used to, I guess. But whatever, I'll get over it," he said, pretty dully.

I was about to say something more, but something caught my eye. A familiar, unfriendly face was walking down the hallway towards us. She seemed to slow down, as if she meant to stop and talk, so I said, loudly and monotonously, looking directly at her, "So Frank, how about them Jets?!"

He caught on quickly, and responded in kind, "Yeah, baseball and stuff, 'cause that's what we're talking about."

She got kind of a wierd look on her face, and kept walking down the hallway. She gave me a passing glance though, and the strange look turned into a sneer. I flipped her off as she got farther away.

We both burst out laughing at our stupid evasive maneuver as Mikey came strolling back.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Baseball," we both replied, and started laughing again.

"Geez, what'd I miss? It's frigging Monday!" said a smooth voice. I turned my head towards the source, and was shocked and delighted to see the face staring back at me. With a squeal, I jumped up, ran and jumped into Gerard's arms. He stumbled, but managed to keep his balance as he hugged me tightly.

"What happened to two weeks?" I asked, beaming.

"Got bored," he replied, and kissed my forehead.

"Geez, I was hoping for, 'I missed you so much, my love, I couldn't bear another day without you!" I teased.

"Oh. Yeah. That too," he said with a smirk.

This was going to be a fabulous day!