I Watched You on the Avenue
My Heart's Cold
Walking Blaze, it got later at night and he was getting tired so I headed back home to find the house quiet.
"Patrick, I'm home,"I unhooked Blaze as I walked further into the house,"Patrick?"
There was no answer, just I found a note on the counter:
'Reg, went to Joe's house for a bit. Be back later. Love Patrick'
I threw the note away then went into the basement to go work out. I actually liked having my alone time right now. Although something didn't feel right. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something's not right. Yeah, that's what I got right now which was bugging me. Not being able to concentrate on working out which I headed back upstairs to turn on the TV then went to the fridge to get some gatorade. Making my way back to the TV my eyes were drawn to the news for some reason or another.
Patrick walked into the house to see my standing there and kissed me lightly.
"Anything interesting happening?"
"I don't know,"I kept my eyes to the screen,"How was Joe's?"
"Ok,"Patrick shrugged opening a can of coke,"We just hung out for a bit then worked on some guitar parts to start recording soon."
"Cool,"I sat down on the back of the couch as I watched the news report that was coming on soon.
"You ok?"Patrick stood behind me slightly.
"Sorta,"I shrugged,"The news mentioned something about Britney."
"Do they ever leave her alone?"
"No, that's what worries me,"I looked at him a bit then it came back to the news and the segment about her.
It talked about how she had a nervous breakdown and they shown footage of her laughing and crying. My sister looked crazy as fuck and yet the cameras wouldn't get out of her face. I don't know what it made me feel. Sad, pissed, a combination of the two. I knew it would happen to her eventually since she wasn't ever one for handling that stuff easily. To me, I'd flip them off and became a bitch which was always put on the news, so it made Hollywood not like me.
"We can get a flight as soon as possible if you want,"Patrick put a hand on my shoulder.
"Part of me what's to go but the other doesn't,"I sighed.
"If memory calls she did keep us together at one point and time,"Patrick chose his words easily,"And she is your sister."
"There's some things you don't understand Patrick,"I got off the couch,"I mean I hate to see her like this but there's a reason I don't want to go back."
"And what is that reason?"Patrick looked at me.
I thought for a second as I looked at him but shook my head,"It's hard to take. You wouldn't want to know."
"Reggie, that's why I love you, I want to know everything about your life,"Patrick's voice stopped me before I walked off,"Please stop running from whatever it is and talk to me."
"If I don't talk about it, maybe it'll go away,"I mumbled as he moved closer to me.
"It won't go away,"Patrick placed a hand softly on my shoulder,"Talking will just help me understand what's on your mind."
I turned to face Patrick slowly with tears in my eyes,"Think you can handle it?"
"Yes,"He looked at me"Whatever's bothering you, I want to know."
"Ok,"I dried my eyes a bit,"Sit."
We sat on the couch, me on the back of it again as Patrick sat in the corner to face me.
"This happened before we started dating,"I smiled,"I was 17 at the time and Britney well she had her back up dancers who I had become extremely good friends with. TJ, most closely to which we started dating after a while."
"Really? Wow,"Patrick looked at me,"You never told me that."
"He's an ex-boyfriend, I didn't think it was important when I starting dating you."
"Go on,"Patrick nodded.
"Anyways, it was 1999 and I had just turned 17 and well things got serious between me and TJ which lead to us well you know, going all the way,"I diverted my attention from him as I told him about the next part,"Then I ended up pregant, I told TJ about it and he said he'd help me, then well Britney found out about it and told my mom. My mom...she decided I wasn't going to have a kid at 17 so she-"I took a gulp to settle my breathing,"She took me to get an abortion."
Patrick gasped as I looked at him, he was speechless.
"I had no say in it, she beat the shit out of me and I agreed to it just because I didn't want to get hit anymore. Then after that, I ran, as far away from her as I could, from there everything. Here to Chicago where I met Pete and then well the rest is history."
"Reggie, I-"Patrick looked at me,"Can you still have kids?"
"Yes,"I nodded,"I'm so sorry I never told you about any of this."
"It's ok,"Patrick got up to hug me,"It's a hard subject to talk about."
"I just, I don't know, hate her for it,"I sighed,"Yeah sure I wasn't ready but I didn't want it to be that way."
"So why are you so down on Jamie about it?"asked Patrick.
"I don't want the same thing to happen to her,"I fiddled with my fingers,"And to hear that's not what's happening with her, it pisses me off. Why did I have to take that? Why am I the one who can't catch a break?"
I broke down on Patrick as he calmed down my crying a bit.
"Let's invite TJ to the wedding,"Patrick spoke softly.
"Maybe,"I shrugged,"I haven't heard from him since I turned 18 though."
"We'll find him,"Patrick smiled,"He deserves to know how you're doing."
"Ok,"I smiled at him then wiped the tears off my eyes.
"Patrick, I'm home,"I unhooked Blaze as I walked further into the house,"Patrick?"
There was no answer, just I found a note on the counter:
'Reg, went to Joe's house for a bit. Be back later. Love Patrick'
I threw the note away then went into the basement to go work out. I actually liked having my alone time right now. Although something didn't feel right. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something's not right. Yeah, that's what I got right now which was bugging me. Not being able to concentrate on working out which I headed back upstairs to turn on the TV then went to the fridge to get some gatorade. Making my way back to the TV my eyes were drawn to the news for some reason or another.
Patrick walked into the house to see my standing there and kissed me lightly.
"Anything interesting happening?"
"I don't know,"I kept my eyes to the screen,"How was Joe's?"
"Ok,"Patrick shrugged opening a can of coke,"We just hung out for a bit then worked on some guitar parts to start recording soon."
"Cool,"I sat down on the back of the couch as I watched the news report that was coming on soon.
"You ok?"Patrick stood behind me slightly.
"Sorta,"I shrugged,"The news mentioned something about Britney."
"Do they ever leave her alone?"
"No, that's what worries me,"I looked at him a bit then it came back to the news and the segment about her.
It talked about how she had a nervous breakdown and they shown footage of her laughing and crying. My sister looked crazy as fuck and yet the cameras wouldn't get out of her face. I don't know what it made me feel. Sad, pissed, a combination of the two. I knew it would happen to her eventually since she wasn't ever one for handling that stuff easily. To me, I'd flip them off and became a bitch which was always put on the news, so it made Hollywood not like me.
"We can get a flight as soon as possible if you want,"Patrick put a hand on my shoulder.
"Part of me what's to go but the other doesn't,"I sighed.
"If memory calls she did keep us together at one point and time,"Patrick chose his words easily,"And she is your sister."
"There's some things you don't understand Patrick,"I got off the couch,"I mean I hate to see her like this but there's a reason I don't want to go back."
"And what is that reason?"Patrick looked at me.
I thought for a second as I looked at him but shook my head,"It's hard to take. You wouldn't want to know."
"Reggie, that's why I love you, I want to know everything about your life,"Patrick's voice stopped me before I walked off,"Please stop running from whatever it is and talk to me."
"If I don't talk about it, maybe it'll go away,"I mumbled as he moved closer to me.
"It won't go away,"Patrick placed a hand softly on my shoulder,"Talking will just help me understand what's on your mind."
I turned to face Patrick slowly with tears in my eyes,"Think you can handle it?"
"Yes,"He looked at me"Whatever's bothering you, I want to know."
"Ok,"I dried my eyes a bit,"Sit."
We sat on the couch, me on the back of it again as Patrick sat in the corner to face me.
"This happened before we started dating,"I smiled,"I was 17 at the time and Britney well she had her back up dancers who I had become extremely good friends with. TJ, most closely to which we started dating after a while."
"Really? Wow,"Patrick looked at me,"You never told me that."
"He's an ex-boyfriend, I didn't think it was important when I starting dating you."
"Go on,"Patrick nodded.
"Anyways, it was 1999 and I had just turned 17 and well things got serious between me and TJ which lead to us well you know, going all the way,"I diverted my attention from him as I told him about the next part,"Then I ended up pregant, I told TJ about it and he said he'd help me, then well Britney found out about it and told my mom. My mom...she decided I wasn't going to have a kid at 17 so she-"I took a gulp to settle my breathing,"She took me to get an abortion."
Patrick gasped as I looked at him, he was speechless.
"I had no say in it, she beat the shit out of me and I agreed to it just because I didn't want to get hit anymore. Then after that, I ran, as far away from her as I could, from there everything. Here to Chicago where I met Pete and then well the rest is history."
"Reggie, I-"Patrick looked at me,"Can you still have kids?"
"Yes,"I nodded,"I'm so sorry I never told you about any of this."
"It's ok,"Patrick got up to hug me,"It's a hard subject to talk about."
"I just, I don't know, hate her for it,"I sighed,"Yeah sure I wasn't ready but I didn't want it to be that way."
"So why are you so down on Jamie about it?"asked Patrick.
"I don't want the same thing to happen to her,"I fiddled with my fingers,"And to hear that's not what's happening with her, it pisses me off. Why did I have to take that? Why am I the one who can't catch a break?"
I broke down on Patrick as he calmed down my crying a bit.
"Let's invite TJ to the wedding,"Patrick spoke softly.
"Maybe,"I shrugged,"I haven't heard from him since I turned 18 though."
"We'll find him,"Patrick smiled,"He deserves to know how you're doing."
"Ok,"I smiled at him then wiped the tears off my eyes.