Deception

Miranda and I scribble our secrets onto cheap postcards from the dollar store, ones with pictures of shitty palm trees and the words "wish you were here" or "having a grand time in *insert place here*" in faded print. I blow on the writing to make the pen dry before ripping up the postcard:

I hate how my childhood friends hate my guts.

Miranda looks over my shoulder. "Girl, that's really sad." She shows me hers:

I wish my uncle's stupid ass were in jail because he tried hitting on my sister.

We shred the postcards and drop the pieces off the grocery store roof. We watch the pieces flutter down, flying with the February breeze.

"God, I hate this. I can't until college; then, we'll never have to deal with our family lives again." Miranda hands me a bag of gummy worms. "You're not going to miss your family, are you?"

I had offers from lots of colleges I had never heard of. I wanted to stay in-state, but once a load of other colleges contacted me, I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. Eventually, I chose Towson as my "number one". "I don't think I'll miss Liz trying to be my friend," I reply, watching a car run over our secrets.

"Kaleb, she's trying. You gotta give her some credit for that." Miranda walks to the ladder and climbs down. "Aren't you happy your dad's happy with someone?"

There's a difference between love and being attractive to a piece of ass.

> >

At dinner, Dad and Liz seem anxious. "What do you think of the new sofa, Kaleb?" Dad asks, poking at his carrots.

"It's okay."

Liz clears the table, even though her plate is only half empty. "Who wants dessert?" she asks, Dad suddenly shouting "I do!". I stare at him, and he purses his lips.

Liz brings out a nicely decorated ice cream cake and slices it into thick pieces. I look from the slice to Liz as she barely touches the cake. She puts the fork down. "Kaleb dear, there's something we have to tell you." She looks at Dad, who's staring down at the table. "Sweetie, I could use some help," she says.

He looks up, silent.

Liz takes in a deep breath. "Kaleb, when a man and a woman--"

"You're pregnant." For the past several nights, I've heard someone sneaking into the bathroom across from my room and throwing up. I touch the bags under my eyes.

She looks at me, frowning. "How did you know?"

"I figured as much."

Neither Liz nor Dad say anything as we finish our cake.

> >

"Lori Gunderson will sleep with anyone."

"Boys AND girls?"

"What a slut."

"Riley's secrely gay."

Miranda fixes her eyeliner in the mirror while three other girls check for panty lines. "Anything informative?" she asks as we go to class. I hand her the notebook.

"No."

She frowns. "You know, Merrick is really upset about the whole 'Lori's a slut' thing. We're going to console him tonight. Wanna go?" She leans against the locker as I take out my Calculus book. I pull out a pink paper.

"Who's that from?" I open it:

You're invited to Jack and Alex's singles Valentine's Day party! Miranda rips the paper in half. "Jack is not single!" she shouts as we exit the building and find my car. Alex waits, leaning on the door. Miranda waves the two pieces in his face. "I demand to know why it's Jack and Alex's singles party."

He raises his eyebrows and throws his hands in the air. "It's for Zack! We're trying to cheer him up by having a party."

"Like hell this is going to cheer him up!" Miranda and I climb into my car as she mumbles about the word "single". "I'm going to kill that boy," she grumbles, wringing her hands.

Zack's mom seems surprised that Zack has girl friends. She invites us inside hastily and informs us that he's downstairs. We knock on the locked door, but all we hear is a bitchy "go away". In minutes, Alex and Jack arrive, Jack receiving a beating from Miranda.

"Hey, it's your friends," Alex shouts, knocking on the door. "Yeah, don't you remember you have those?"

The door jerks open, and Zack's sunken face sticks out. "I'm upset that I'm spending another Valentine's day alone." He points a finger into Alex's face. "At least you have someone to spend it with."

I hold out a small bouquet of roses. "We brought you stuff," I said, smiling weakly. "You don't have to spend Valentine's day alone if you don't want to, Zack."

"Yeah, what she said," Jack chimes in.

"Besides, Lori wasn't worth it; you could do so much better," Miranda says, wedging her foot in the crack between the door and its frame. "We'll find you someone better than Lori."

Zack opens the door and sighs. "Now I'm going to be the fifth wheel," he says, looking at the four of us.

Alex and I look at each other. He pulls me back out into the staircase and shuts the door. He takes in a deep breath. "This may be a good time to define what we are."

"Liz is pregnant," I blurt out.

"What?" he says, staring at me. Alex gives me a slightly hurt look. Or maybe I'm just seeing things.

"I'm going to be an older sister."

"Congrats," he says. I know that's not what he wanted to hear, but there is no clear way to define what we are.

We just are.