Status: over.
Deception
Riley, again.
Outside the local Giant, I see a white hooded figure leaning against a street lamp. I roll my eyes and approach Riley, my ex-best friend. It sounds stupid to say that, but it's what we are. Calling us friends would be just as wrong as calling Alex my boyfriend.
"What's your problem?" I ask, shoving him. Riley's head hits the pole, making a low, resonating rumble. "If you want to hate me, hate me. If you want to be friends, let's be friends. Don't make this complicated."
"Well, I'm not trying to make it complicated," Riley says quietly.
"Then why are you here?"
That would be making it complicated.
"I'm here because I'm not actually mad at you." He looks at me. "I'm upset that you and Gaskarth are really close, but I'm not mad at you."
Then why the fuck did you stop talking to me? And why does it matter that I'm close with Alex?
"Look, I know this sound really stupid. I know you're probably mad at me for pretending to hate you, but...you know how Lori is. And she doesn't have anyone else right now," Riley explains, frowning. "You know the school hates her for having a reputation."
"Well, maybe she could've saved herself from that."
He glares at me. "My God, Kaleb, when did you get this catty?"
"...What are you talking about?" I shove him again. "...Are you upset with me because you still like me?"
Riley gives me a look. A weird, steady look. "You've changed. A lot," he says. "You're not the quiet, humble Kaleb I knew when I was a kid."
"I haven't changed!" I shout. I can feel the blood rushing to my face. Me cheeks grow hot. I want to shake his shoulders. I want to grab him by the neck and have him look me in the eyes.
You've changed.
He walks towards his beaten up station wagon. He opens the door and takes one last look at me standing under the flickering parking lot lamp, alone.
Riley takes in a deep breath. "Kaleb, I'm not really sure if I like the new you." He slams the door shut.
"Fuck you, Riley! I'm still humble, you self-absorbed asshole! I haven't changed! I haven't changed I HAVEN'T CHANGED!" I scream. I throw an empty coke bottle at his car as he speeds away.
> >
Miranda, Jack, Alex, and I sit in a booth, waiting for our Chinese food. We lift our soft drinks into the air. "Cheers to finishing AP exams!" Alex shouts, and we all tap our styrofoam cups together. "Now we don't have to do a thing."
"Speak for yourself," Miranda grumbles, rubbing her eyes. "I still have my APES exam, and I have finals."
Jack and Alex shrug.
"You guys don't have to worry about this kind of stuff," I say as the waitress brings us our food. We thank her hastily and dig in. "School doesn't matter to you anymore."
I can't help but think about Liz's ever-expanding stomach. I'm going to be an older sister. The baby's expected in July. Nothing else matters anymore, except my soon-to-be baby brother. As long as I don't fail miserably, I'll be in good shape for the next step.
"You look worried," Alex says, frowning. "You okay, Kaleb?"
"Just thinking."
"You need to stop living in your head and live out here," Jack says, knocking on my forehead. "C'mon out, Kaleb! We're waiting for you!"
I glare at him, and he stops.
"Kales, we care. You can tell us what's going on," Miranda says, slapping Jack's arm. He whimpers.
I shake my head. "It's nothing."
"What about your conversation with Riley two weeks ago?" she asks, dropping her chopsticks and reaching for her fork. "What happened?"
"Riley says I've changed."
"Everyone changes, Kaleb," Alex replies, shrugging. "You can't prevent that. Besides, I think you've grown as a person; you're a lot more confident than you used to be."
"Some say there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance."
"He called you arrogant?" Jack asks, spraying friend rice all over the table.
"No."
At least I think he didn't.
> >
Dad and I sit together, watching CSI: Miami. He turns to me, chewing his lip. "Kaleb, I feel like I'm too old to be a dad again," he says. "I know Liz is really excited, but...I don't know." He looks at me and turns down the volume of the television. "Is that weird?"
"No. It's okay to be scared, Dad." I pat him on the shoulder. "I know you'll be a good dad. Even for..." I furrow my brow. "What are you going to name him?"
"Liz is thinking Madison Derek Wagner." Dad turns the volume back up. "What do you think?"
"I thought Madison was a girl's name."
"That's what I thought too."
I make a face. "Your son is going to get teased a lot."
Dad narrows his eyes. "Your brother is going to get teased a lot."
"...Oh my God."
Dad laughs. "You really didn't think about it that way, did you? He's going to be a part of our family, Kaleb, not my and Liz's family."
He's right.
I'm going to be an older sister. And he'll be my younger brother. And by the time he's finishing high school, I'll probably be married. And I'll be lecturing him about parties, and making friends, and losing old ones, and...
And people like Alex Gaskarth.
"What's your problem?" I ask, shoving him. Riley's head hits the pole, making a low, resonating rumble. "If you want to hate me, hate me. If you want to be friends, let's be friends. Don't make this complicated."
"Well, I'm not trying to make it complicated," Riley says quietly.
"Then why are you here?"
That would be making it complicated.
"I'm here because I'm not actually mad at you." He looks at me. "I'm upset that you and Gaskarth are really close, but I'm not mad at you."
Then why the fuck did you stop talking to me? And why does it matter that I'm close with Alex?
"Look, I know this sound really stupid. I know you're probably mad at me for pretending to hate you, but...you know how Lori is. And she doesn't have anyone else right now," Riley explains, frowning. "You know the school hates her for having a reputation."
"Well, maybe she could've saved herself from that."
He glares at me. "My God, Kaleb, when did you get this catty?"
"...What are you talking about?" I shove him again. "...Are you upset with me because you still like me?"
Riley gives me a look. A weird, steady look. "You've changed. A lot," he says. "You're not the quiet, humble Kaleb I knew when I was a kid."
"I haven't changed!" I shout. I can feel the blood rushing to my face. Me cheeks grow hot. I want to shake his shoulders. I want to grab him by the neck and have him look me in the eyes.
You've changed.
He walks towards his beaten up station wagon. He opens the door and takes one last look at me standing under the flickering parking lot lamp, alone.
Riley takes in a deep breath. "Kaleb, I'm not really sure if I like the new you." He slams the door shut.
"Fuck you, Riley! I'm still humble, you self-absorbed asshole! I haven't changed! I haven't changed I HAVEN'T CHANGED!" I scream. I throw an empty coke bottle at his car as he speeds away.
> >
Miranda, Jack, Alex, and I sit in a booth, waiting for our Chinese food. We lift our soft drinks into the air. "Cheers to finishing AP exams!" Alex shouts, and we all tap our styrofoam cups together. "Now we don't have to do a thing."
"Speak for yourself," Miranda grumbles, rubbing her eyes. "I still have my APES exam, and I have finals."
Jack and Alex shrug.
"You guys don't have to worry about this kind of stuff," I say as the waitress brings us our food. We thank her hastily and dig in. "School doesn't matter to you anymore."
I can't help but think about Liz's ever-expanding stomach. I'm going to be an older sister. The baby's expected in July. Nothing else matters anymore, except my soon-to-be baby brother. As long as I don't fail miserably, I'll be in good shape for the next step.
"You look worried," Alex says, frowning. "You okay, Kaleb?"
"Just thinking."
"You need to stop living in your head and live out here," Jack says, knocking on my forehead. "C'mon out, Kaleb! We're waiting for you!"
I glare at him, and he stops.
"Kales, we care. You can tell us what's going on," Miranda says, slapping Jack's arm. He whimpers.
I shake my head. "It's nothing."
"What about your conversation with Riley two weeks ago?" she asks, dropping her chopsticks and reaching for her fork. "What happened?"
"Riley says I've changed."
"Everyone changes, Kaleb," Alex replies, shrugging. "You can't prevent that. Besides, I think you've grown as a person; you're a lot more confident than you used to be."
"Some say there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance."
"He called you arrogant?" Jack asks, spraying friend rice all over the table.
"No."
At least I think he didn't.
> >
Dad and I sit together, watching CSI: Miami. He turns to me, chewing his lip. "Kaleb, I feel like I'm too old to be a dad again," he says. "I know Liz is really excited, but...I don't know." He looks at me and turns down the volume of the television. "Is that weird?"
"No. It's okay to be scared, Dad." I pat him on the shoulder. "I know you'll be a good dad. Even for..." I furrow my brow. "What are you going to name him?"
"Liz is thinking Madison Derek Wagner." Dad turns the volume back up. "What do you think?"
"I thought Madison was a girl's name."
"That's what I thought too."
I make a face. "Your son is going to get teased a lot."
Dad narrows his eyes. "Your brother is going to get teased a lot."
"...Oh my God."
Dad laughs. "You really didn't think about it that way, did you? He's going to be a part of our family, Kaleb, not my and Liz's family."
He's right.
I'm going to be an older sister. And he'll be my younger brother. And by the time he's finishing high school, I'll probably be married. And I'll be lecturing him about parties, and making friends, and losing old ones, and...
And people like Alex Gaskarth.