Deception

Jack showed up moments before the cops came. Alex and I were still sitting in the kitchen, and some of the party-goers burst through the kitchen door to escape. A bunch were still arrested. But as we check the damage, there aren't any broken windows. Lucky Alex.

Alex vacuums up the ugly, dark stains with his Bissell steam cleaner, while Jack and I dump out the dregs within the red Solo cups. Now the kitchen sink stinks of vodka and Cherry Coke. We throw the cups into a black plastic bag sitting on the granite island. "If you guys have parties on the weekend all the time, then I don't understand why you guys are so slow cleaning up." I keep the cups three feet away from my face.

They stink of vomit too.

"It's because two out of four of the Cleaning Crew is here. That means the job can only be completed half as fast." Jack's not affected by the strong scent of alcohol, and he can do simple math. "Zack's out getting laid with your friend, and Rian's sleeping." He turns to look at me. "No offense, but your friend's kind of a slut."

"...Was she hitting on me earlier?" Alex muses aloud, tapping his chin. The steam cleaner almost sucks up his pants, but he moves out of the way just in time.

"To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised."

"You have so much faith in your best friend." Alex unplugs the vacuum from the wall, and Jack and I still aren't finished. "I've heard rumors you're going out with me. Are they true?"

I raise my eyebrows. "You should know."

"Well, I don't know what you consider going out." Alex picks up four cups sitting innocently on the coffee table. He pours the liquid into the sink, and slops of lasagna and chewed up meat tumble out. I shut my eyes. "It's up to you, Kaleb. We can either 'go out', or 'not go out'. Your choice."

"Don't leave it up to me!"

"Well, I would if your name were Beaver!" Jack chimes in, but we glare at him. He silently hunts for more Solo cups.

"C'mon, Kale, you've got to be decisive some time." Alex wipes the counter down with 409. "Do you want this to happen, or don't you?"

I wash my hands as the chunks of someone's regurgitated shit run down the drain. I dry heave as I reach for the soap. Five pumps, and I thoroughly scrub my hands. Rainforest scent. "No, I don't want this to happen. Do you know why?" Silence. "Because I don't know what the fuck you want from me!"

Jack returns from the parlor with his arms filled with red cups. He sets them down in the sink. The odor migrates to my nose, and I hold it closed. Alex furrows his brow. "I don't want anything from you, Kaleb. I'm not attempting to steal anything. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not part of the 'in-crowd', so why do you associate with me?"

"Maybe because I like you." Alex rolls his eyes.

Jack dumps out the last of the cups while Alex and I step outside for some fresh air. The bile and half-digested food hangs in the stale air inside, so Alex leaves the sliding glass door open. "I thought maybe, you know, we could be good friends."

Good friends? Am I really seen as unattractive? Good God, at this rate, I'll never get married. I'll be the fucking fifty-year-old virgin, and I'm not "doing-it" with a male hooker.

"Look, if you don't want to be around me, then fine. I get it." He raises his hands in the air. "Girls like you never want to be friends with me."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't handle guys like me." Alex takes in a deep breath. "Ready to go back inside?"

"Actually, I think I'm going to go home." I don't turn back. I can just imagine the sad, puppy-dog look on his face. I hate that. "Bye, Alex."

"...I really hope this won't be the last time I see you." I glance back just for a little bit, feeling slightly guilty. He smiles weakly as I disappear towards the front of the house in search of my shitty Toyota.

> >

"'Good friends'? Well, that's gay." Lori's quiet for a little bit. "What'd you say? What does he mean you can't handle guys like him? Are you going to keep talking to him?"

"What happened to you and Zachary?" I wonder if the rumors buzzing around school are true: my best friend, Lori, is a whore.

"Nothing. He's a prude."

"A boy like that can't be a prude. That's ridiculous!"

"Well, he is. He told me he 'liked' me 'a whole lot', but it 'wasn't the right time', or some sort of bullshit like that." She sighs. "Maybe Gaskarth will be the one to pop your cherry."

"Oh, shut up. I'm staying clean until I get married."

"Oh yeah. And you won't have a one-night stand with one of those lovely track boys."

"You wish." Liz knocks on my door. I place my phone on my turquoise sheets. "What?"

"I just wanted to tell you 'American Idol''s on," she says, her voice muffled.

"That's great." I pick up the phone again. "He's nothing special, and he doesn't like me like that."

"Honey, did you not hear the rumors about that boy? He did it with Slutstein. How desperate can you get?"

"Oh, so you're saying he'd be desperate in order to get to me?"

"Babe, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just saying he might prey on you." I hear the nail file over the phone.

"I hope you mean 'pray', as in God."

"...you know exactly what I meant."

"He's not going to prey on me, and I think we'll just stay as friends." Ouch, that hurt. It's just a word; it's not like it'll eat my insides.

"Oh, Kaleb, you don't know what you just got yourself into."