A Last Good Bye

Ch 9
Karen

Once my little monster of a son was gone and I had a peaceful shower, I made myself get out of the apartment and to my new charge’s room. I have found the hardest thing to do in the morning is to get going and get out of the safe apartment.

I had to admit, but not to my son, that I wanted to spend the day with him and not struggle and fight with a bratty teen. I knew my job was important and that I was doing good, but I too, wanted to play with my son. Yet, I also knew that if I didn’t do this task, I would suffer from guilt and a feeling of worthlessness. I was living at a temple, not going on any missions, not saving any worlds, not stopping any wars or crimes from happening. I was able to keep my son and take care of him without anyone looking down at me. So the least I could do was teach and help the future generation.

Through our trial and error approach to learning how to teach the teens, we learned of several battles that had to be fought and won during their training. We learned different methods to each kind of battle. Sometimes we were tough and unforgiving. Other times we were caring and open. Of course it also depended on what the student was like.

The first battle we always had was getting the teens up in the morning. We started getting them up extremely early and then as time went by, allowed them to sleep in if they wanted to. We found the first few weeks were the worse. Tantrums were thrown as well as pillows, blankets, and the Force. This was one of our no-nonsense, strict battles. Yet, the result was worth the patience. The students learned to follow a routine, something most of them had never done in their life of crime and pity. With this routine, they became more relaxed, alert, healthy, and easier to teach.

I walked to Dilela’s room and typed in the password override that allowed me access without waiting for her. Predictable, she was sprawled out on her bed with the blanket kicked off and lying on the floor at the end of the bed. I saw her one bag was still where she left it the night before. She must have gone straight to sleep; at least I hoped she did.

I called out her name, softly, testing her reaction. She groaned, sighed and turned over. I waited a minute, being perfectly silent, allowing her time to think I had left. I called out her name a little louder and firmer. There was no movement. I knew she had heard me. The battle began. I told her it was time to get up. There was still no movement. I told her she had to get up, take a shower, dress, and be ready for breakfast.

“It’s freaking early! It’s hot! I don’t want food and I’m not getting up!”

I wondered if I ever pulled this on Mirmo. I told her she was going to get up or I would send her back to jail, where she could complete her month sentence. That got her to turn her head and glare at me. I politely stared back. I reminded her it was her choice to be here. The silence continued for a time unknown to me. She sighed and pushed herself off the mattress and sat up. I told her where she would find clothes and a towel. She had fifteen minutes to be outside her door. Her face said nothing. I walked out of her room and sat down on the floor, waiting.

Twenty minutes later, her door opened up. Her hair was wet, but she was clean and more awake. Sadly, I did not sense an improvement with her mood. I told her she was late.

“So?”

I told her the Jedi would not tolerate her being late without a good excuse.

“It’s too hot to move fast.”

She came from a cold, dry world. We had moved her from that environment to a hot, steamy jungle. I could understand her complaint, but I had to set standards. I told her she could not use that excuse. Dilela glared at me. She seemed to do a lot of that. I looked at her calmly, showing her anger would not reach me. She gave up and yawned.

I led her to breakfast where she picked more at her food than she ate. I wondered why she wouldn’t eat. I had ordered a breakfast that she would have eaten at her planet to make her feel more comfortable. I remembered all too well coming to the temple and feeling very awkward when I was eating food I didn’t recognize, or how to eat it and longing for things I knew.

After a short breakfast, I led her to one of meditation rooms. The room was simple. Matted floors, a few chairs set against the walls, blue walls, and low lights that could be adjusted. I instructed her to sit down. She did so. I joined her on the floor, crossing my legs. I sat very still, looking at nothing in particular. I wanted the silence to break her. I wanted her to start the lesson.

“So what, we’re gonna sit here and do nothing? What is that going to teach me?

Good, she was going to play along. I told her that it would teach her the value of silence and peace.

“Peace is an illusion and silence is overrated.”

I nearly laughed at her. Instead, I just smiled. I could have sworn I had said those exact words to Mirmo after he took me as his apprentice and forced meditation down my throat. I told her peace and silence was a Jedi’s paradise and it was not so easy to achieve. She raised an eyebrow at me. I challenged her to sit perfectly still for five minutes. Her response was a rude snort.

“You want to know how many times I’ve sat still for thirty minutes? Too many times. I’ve done it not because it’s some paradise, but because I had to. My life depended on it.”

That was an interesting background check. I could picture her in some dark, cold, dirty alley, trying to quiet her heavy, panic breathing as some danger was nearby and would kill her if she was heard. Yet this was not the sort of silence and stillness she would need here. I explained that on her home planet she was practicing a survival, tense stillness. I wanted her to relax, but be still. Again, I was given a look of disbelief. She thought my challenge was too easy. I knew from personal experience with Mirmo it was not.

She wiggled a bit and settled her body. Her eyes remained steadily on the floor. Her breathing was even for now. Her hands were at her sides. I waited. She made it through the first minute, something not all of the students could do. Thirty seconds I notice her eyes moved from the floor to the wall behind me, but her head remained where it was. This pose lasted for another thirty seconds. Her breathing was slightly heavier. Her emotions started to swirl with impatience. A sense of needing came clear through the Force. It would not be much longer before she cracked. Her eyes moved again and then again. Her mind was bouncing. She was struggling, fighting. Finally a deep sigh escaped from her lips and her body moved. She glared at me. I ignored it.

“Why do I have to be still? Who cares? No one is going to attack me.”

While this was true, I told her, she would need to learn to be still and silent in the Force as well as physical. Learning to be physicaly still was the first step learning the Force. Learn your body and then learn your mind.

“Why learn to be silent in the Force? You all say I can use the Force, so why do I need to be still?”

She was learning this because she needed to learn control. The difference was that I had control and she didn’t. She did not buy this answer. She would in time.

We spent the rest of the next hour practicing being still. I taught her how to slowly breathe and how to relax her body. I lectured her on the importance of not resisting the silence, but welcome it like a body of warm water flowing into her. At the end of the lesson, I got her to relax and her mind stilled. She was progressing well.