Telling the Two Apart
006
There was silence from Mikey’s end of the phone. It left Gerard unable to discern how his words were going over, but he was fairly convinced that it wouldn’t be taken well. So he spoke again.
“That doesn’t really mean I’m going to stay, Mikey. I mean, I just like it here. Look, I even made a friend yesterday, a great girl. Her name’s Nina. I’ll come back…I just don’t know when.”
Regardless of what Gerard had to add, his first words had already sunken in and Mikey was swallowing hard. Gerard let the silence stretch for another minute, and he was about to throw in more reassurance when his brother said, “Okay, well…I can be on the first flight out in the morning.”
“What?” Gerard screeched.
“I’ll borrow a few bucks from Mom and fly in. We’ll figure it out from there.”
Forget even getting dressed. Who could think of clothes when their brother was losing his mind? “Mikey, stop. Think about this. Okay, firstly, you have nowhere to live.”
“Easily corrected,” replied Mikey, and although he was right, it didn’t make matters better.
“Whatever. You’re blowing this out of proportion. Just stay home and we’ll keep in touch, and I’ll come back. I don’t know how soon it will be, but I’ll come home.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll grow roots there, and you and I both know it.”
Gerard opened his mouth to throw back a clever retort, but henceforth there came none. Mikey knew Gerard better than anyone else did. And he may have been wrong in assuming that Gerard would stay put in Chicago, but that was only by a slim chance.
A very slim chance. And yes, they both knew it.
“Mikey,” he said pathetically, “just stay in New Jersey.”
Another sigh from Mikey, and Gerard noted how for someone that had just lost his mind, Mikey was holding it together pretty damn well. “Here’s how it is,” Mikey began to explain. “You and I are brothers. I don’t have to tell you that, obviously. Our parents have expected and prepared themselves for us to be leaving, wherever it is we might go. And I know that I should have prepared myself for you to leave—or for me to leave you, or whatever, because families split up—but you’re the best friend I have. And you’ll laugh at me for being sappy, but I’m not fucking around.” He sighed again, as if Gerard was just too much to handle. “I didn’t prepare myself to be far away from you and if I can prevent it, I will.”
He wanted to tell Mikey that he was being melodramatic, the silly kid, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. “I don’t want you to leave everybody. You know, Ray, Frank, Lisa, Bob…you know, everyone.”
“They’ll get over it. It’s not like I can’t call them.”
“You can’t leave Mom.”
“You did,” Mikey replied, and Gerard felt annoyance rising in him, the kind of annoyance that only Mikey could bring out.
“Exactly,” he snapped. “That’s why you can’t. Because I did. And I said I would come home!”
“But you’re lying! You might not realize it, but everyone here knows that when you say you’re coming home, you’re lying. You’re lying to yourself and to us.”
“You have no idea!”
“I’m coming tomorrow!”
“No,” Gerard yelled, but Mikey had already hung up. Gerard pulled his arm back, ready and wanting to throw the phone through the window, but when he remembered that the phone was not his to destroy—nor was the window—he merely tossed it on his bed. Plopping on the floor in front of his dresser, holding his head in his hands, he groaned. He was close to dismissing this as another argument between siblings.
But he had the sinking feeling that Mikey was serious.
Chewing on that thought for a moment made his stomach flip in worry, and without another consideration, he swiped the phone from his bed and dialed the number of his and Mikey’s house in Jersey.
Mikey picked up on the second ring. Gerard, sitting Indian-style on the carpet, gave him a sheepish hello.
“Did you need something?” Mikey asked.
“No,” Gerard replied. After some dithering, he blurted, “Seriously, don’t come to Chicago.”
“You’re not going to change my mind. I’m not doing this to spite you—I’m doing it because I love you.”
Touched, Gerard told his brother that he loved him too.
“This is an emotional time,” Mikey said softly.
“I know. I really do. But that’s why I’m saying—”
“—Don’t worry about me. I’ll find a place to live and I’ll get a job. I have enough money to tide me over until then. I’m not being foolish. Sometimes things have to change, okay?”
Gerard unwillingly acquiesced. “I have to admit, though, it was a little hurtful of you to up and leave like you did,” Mikey confessed.
“I guess…that…well…” Gerard was weak and felt sick. Oh, the glories of defeat. “We’ll talk more about that when you get here,” he offered feebly.
“Okay. Well, I have a lot of calls to make. I’ll let you know when I’m setting off.”
“Yeah.”
“Love you, bro,” Mikey said, in an exaggerated tone to hide his embarrassment at having been so sentimental.
“Love you too. Be careful.”
“Yep. Bye.”
“Bye.”
When Gerard threw the phone, the floor took it far better than the window would have. Besides all of that, he was still sitting in his underwear.
“That doesn’t really mean I’m going to stay, Mikey. I mean, I just like it here. Look, I even made a friend yesterday, a great girl. Her name’s Nina. I’ll come back…I just don’t know when.”
Regardless of what Gerard had to add, his first words had already sunken in and Mikey was swallowing hard. Gerard let the silence stretch for another minute, and he was about to throw in more reassurance when his brother said, “Okay, well…I can be on the first flight out in the morning.”
“What?” Gerard screeched.
“I’ll borrow a few bucks from Mom and fly in. We’ll figure it out from there.”
Forget even getting dressed. Who could think of clothes when their brother was losing his mind? “Mikey, stop. Think about this. Okay, firstly, you have nowhere to live.”
“Easily corrected,” replied Mikey, and although he was right, it didn’t make matters better.
“Whatever. You’re blowing this out of proportion. Just stay home and we’ll keep in touch, and I’ll come back. I don’t know how soon it will be, but I’ll come home.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll grow roots there, and you and I both know it.”
Gerard opened his mouth to throw back a clever retort, but henceforth there came none. Mikey knew Gerard better than anyone else did. And he may have been wrong in assuming that Gerard would stay put in Chicago, but that was only by a slim chance.
A very slim chance. And yes, they both knew it.
“Mikey,” he said pathetically, “just stay in New Jersey.”
Another sigh from Mikey, and Gerard noted how for someone that had just lost his mind, Mikey was holding it together pretty damn well. “Here’s how it is,” Mikey began to explain. “You and I are brothers. I don’t have to tell you that, obviously. Our parents have expected and prepared themselves for us to be leaving, wherever it is we might go. And I know that I should have prepared myself for you to leave—or for me to leave you, or whatever, because families split up—but you’re the best friend I have. And you’ll laugh at me for being sappy, but I’m not fucking around.” He sighed again, as if Gerard was just too much to handle. “I didn’t prepare myself to be far away from you and if I can prevent it, I will.”
He wanted to tell Mikey that he was being melodramatic, the silly kid, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. “I don’t want you to leave everybody. You know, Ray, Frank, Lisa, Bob…you know, everyone.”
“They’ll get over it. It’s not like I can’t call them.”
“You can’t leave Mom.”
“You did,” Mikey replied, and Gerard felt annoyance rising in him, the kind of annoyance that only Mikey could bring out.
“Exactly,” he snapped. “That’s why you can’t. Because I did. And I said I would come home!”
“But you’re lying! You might not realize it, but everyone here knows that when you say you’re coming home, you’re lying. You’re lying to yourself and to us.”
“You have no idea!”
“I’m coming tomorrow!”
“No,” Gerard yelled, but Mikey had already hung up. Gerard pulled his arm back, ready and wanting to throw the phone through the window, but when he remembered that the phone was not his to destroy—nor was the window—he merely tossed it on his bed. Plopping on the floor in front of his dresser, holding his head in his hands, he groaned. He was close to dismissing this as another argument between siblings.
But he had the sinking feeling that Mikey was serious.
Chewing on that thought for a moment made his stomach flip in worry, and without another consideration, he swiped the phone from his bed and dialed the number of his and Mikey’s house in Jersey.
Mikey picked up on the second ring. Gerard, sitting Indian-style on the carpet, gave him a sheepish hello.
“Did you need something?” Mikey asked.
“No,” Gerard replied. After some dithering, he blurted, “Seriously, don’t come to Chicago.”
“You’re not going to change my mind. I’m not doing this to spite you—I’m doing it because I love you.”
Touched, Gerard told his brother that he loved him too.
“This is an emotional time,” Mikey said softly.
“I know. I really do. But that’s why I’m saying—”
“—Don’t worry about me. I’ll find a place to live and I’ll get a job. I have enough money to tide me over until then. I’m not being foolish. Sometimes things have to change, okay?”
Gerard unwillingly acquiesced. “I have to admit, though, it was a little hurtful of you to up and leave like you did,” Mikey confessed.
“I guess…that…well…” Gerard was weak and felt sick. Oh, the glories of defeat. “We’ll talk more about that when you get here,” he offered feebly.
“Okay. Well, I have a lot of calls to make. I’ll let you know when I’m setting off.”
“Yeah.”
“Love you, bro,” Mikey said, in an exaggerated tone to hide his embarrassment at having been so sentimental.
“Love you too. Be careful.”
“Yep. Bye.”
“Bye.”
When Gerard threw the phone, the floor took it far better than the window would have. Besides all of that, he was still sitting in his underwear.