Dear Diary, I Hate Mikey Way

"Not so fast!" I giggled trying to catch my breath.
"Not on my watch!" Bert pushed me faster on the swing, making me fly into the air like a soaring bird. I wish I was that free. I can never be free, locked in my own emotions; I am my own prison.

The air was cool and you could smell winter was around the corner. The leaves whistled and brushed against the crisp rough concrete. My hair flowed in the wind like a freed soul as my jacket followed suit. Bert's raspy laugh echoed the air of the near empty park. I haven't had this much fun in a long time, maybe even in my life. Today was my first day out of the hospital, by Bert's demand I stayed in there to be safe, even after being cleared for home a week ago.

"Ahh!" I yelped as I jumped off the swing, into the air.
"Be careful!" Bert laughed in a caring voice, "Okay, ow." he slightly laughed by me landing on top of him. He held my waist tightly and I could feel his breath on my cheek. I nervously laughed and quickly brushed the sand of me. I then walked the opposite way to the jungle gym. I heard him trail not far behind, as I held my arms almost folded against my chest. The day was cold and the sun was nearly down. I brisk breeze went by and I called back to Bert.
"Hey! Race you to the jungle gym!" I laughed and sprinted.
"Hey no fair!" he whined trying to catch up.

I ran to the nearest pole and grabbed onto it swinging myself with my sudden change in pace. I was catching my breath, feeling my back chill. I then felt warm arms wrap around my waist. I jumped, as a reflex only to sigh a soft giggle seeing Bert's scraggily face behind me, resting on my chin.
"Hey princess," He didn't let go.
"Get off me pedo'," I laughed, poking him in the cheek.
"Fine, my child." he evilly grinned, laughing on the way up on the ladder.
"Hey wait for me!" I pouted. He stuck his tongue at me and ran up to the highest level.

I began my way up and immediately fell back. I was so weak, I couldn't hold my own weight. My muscles ached as I came to realization. I pulled back on the bars, and brought back my gaunt pale hands and stared. A small tear escaped my eye and dribbles onto my palm where it rested running through the small lines.

"B-Bert" I spoked barely above a whisper.
"What?" he spoke concerned from afar. "What's wrong?" he continued.
"I'm t-too weak, h-help," I felt like a helpless child that got lost at an amusement park, practically worthless and weak.
"I'm sorry, I should have thought you would have been sore!" He pouted rushing to help me up.

He grabbed my arms, getting a good grip and lovingly yanked me up, I winced in slight pain but not enough for him to hear. He was so sweet and he does so much for me, I don't want to show ignorance.

"There," he smiled and breathed in the fresh air; looking all around the blowing trees and leaves. I shut my eyes and looked up, breathing in the moment. I felt him grab my hand and bring me to the top, lifting me up so I could stand tall.
"I'm the queen of the world!" I laughed and smiled. He laughed and brought me down. He then rushed and slid down the slide like lightning. I jogged, trying to keep up and slid down the pole like a firefighter. I couldn't see him so I thought he was hiding from me. I ran past the slide and Bert tackled me into the grass, tickling my stomach.

"Bert stop!" I choked trying to catch my breath.
"Never...!" he stretched out his words making me laugh harder.
"I'm gonna piss my pants!" I laughed trying to get him off me.
"Awh, fine then!" He poked me in the side as I got up.

I looked around at the fall sky, nearly dark as I saw someone coming towards us.
"Bert, I think there's someone over th-" my words were stopped.
"Shhh," Bert touched his finger to my lips.
"B-" I gasped and hid behing him on the grass and collapsed. it was Gerard, Mikey's older brother. He looked tall, pale, clad in black, and ready to mess with anyone in his tracks. I tried to hide my face and turn the other way as his foot steps crunching against the grass grew closer.

"Why, hello, Robert, and why are you out so late in this fine evening alone?" He spoke oh-so smooth and dark; simultaneously. I wimpered, blowing my cover, and Bert's, I tried to get up and run.
"Oh no, no, no. You're not going anywhere either, missy," he growled.
"Leave her alone," Bert firmly spoke slightly shoving Gerard at his shoulders. Gerard was taken aback as he looked down at Bert's arms and then looked up at him again. He shoved him just as he did, but just a bit harder. Bert cocked him in his jaw, sending Gerard a few steps back, but he wasn't ready to end it.

"Fuck you," Gerard spoke a little louder now, and pushed Bert to the ground sending him back. Gerard stepped over Bert's legs as he scrambled to escape. He was clenching the grass as Gerard grew closer to his face with a mean growl on his face. Through my slight wimper and tears I managed to speak, with as little fear as possible at the moment.

"Stop!" I nearly yelped like a poor dog.

He looked sharply back at me only a second before making a 'B line' towards me. He looked like a creature ready to pounce on its prey with his arms clenched and flexed ready to hit me. I shut my eyes and tried to escape, ready to take a blow. As a heard nothing I opened one eye to see Gerard's face, barely visible in the light, all but for his ghostly white skin. I then heard a different voice.

"Hey! You! What's going on here?!" I heard a deep, raspy voice shout from a close distance.
The man was now in view. It was a police officer and he was pointing his bright light at me as I leaned against a cement bench. The officer pointed his light from me to Gerard quickly and only twice more before saying again,
"Hey, what's going on here?" In a firm voice.
"Nothing," Gerard spoke with no fear, looking at the officer, then Bert, then me, before walking off into the darkness.
There was a silence.

"Are you alright miss? Did he hurt you?"
"N-no," I spoke softly.
"Come on," I heard Bert's low voice grabbing arm, holding it tight, not ready to let go. I stumbled at his grip and his fast tense pace.
"Bert..." I began.
"Why did you do that? He could have really hurt you!" He was mad at me.
"I-I-" I stuttered; I'd never heard him like this before.
"Just don't, don't. Don't do that again, I can defend for myself!" He yelled straight at me as we stopped abruptly. I was taken back, and my eyes watered. I yanked my arm out of his grip and looked up at him with seemingly fierce and watery eyes.
"I didn't want you to get hurt and you say you can defend for yourself?! All my life I've been battling shit like this, it's not like I need you either!" I screamed back. I instantly swallowed my words...It's not like I need you...

He whipped around and saw my face, as I saw his. His eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy with tear lines. I saw his poor face, and collapsed under my weight to my feet on the concrete. I had my hands glued to my face, pouring tears and crying. I heard footsteps and knew he was gone, just walking away like any other friend I've had.

"I'm sorry," I heard a small voice I had never heard in such a tone. I looked up, tears running down my cheeks, revealing the unsettled dirt and grime that had worn from the park. His face was now sincere, not like a monster of any sort, but something I need to hold on to forever. His arms were warm and comforting. My small skinny body in a fetul position; he could wrap them around and hold me. Hold me tight and make me feel not alone in this cruel world.

That night we stayed there, locked in arms, through rain, and cold, and pain. We had fallen asleep on the bench, just beside the sidewalk, in his arms; safe. And I knew.

I did need him.