Rachie's Fantasy Island

On May 8th, 1993 was the dawning of something different. Something one would never expect...

It was, in fact, the beginning of something so big that those Mayan people couldn't predict it.

Rachel Renee was born. And so was a world of its own that only existed in her head. In this world that'd seem lonely but was the complete opposite, were tons of famous people, bands and fictional characters. Hell, there were even a couple of real people there. But the majority were famous, otherwise you wouldn't even be reading this piece of crap story! Duh.

So as we shall begin this long and drawn out, yet seemingly hilarious story, I shall explain to you these many, many places we'll be exploring in her head. This entire world is called "Rachie's Fantasy Island." Don't like? Scoot!

So in Rachie's Fantasy Island, everything goes. Well, as long as the creator of this world says it's fine. But we'll talk about that later.

In a land in her brain far, far away (near the pituitary gland, I'm guessing) lies a place called Rachie Lane. On Rachie Lane, surrounded by a white picket fence and perfect landscaping, is a huge shit brown house with bird shit yellow shingles. This house was so huge that it literally stretched up into the heavens.

The main people that live in this house are quite a few. Mike Delfino from Desperate Housewives happens to be one of the permanent residents of Rachie Lane. He's got his own little room and everything. He works at The Rachie Bar, which is a gay bar as a bartender. Many people do enjoy coming behind the bar and slapping his ass to see how firm it is, and they are pleasantly surprised to see that there isn't much jello jiggling in the bowl.

One of the jobs Mike had was to do house work like little fix-ups. Him and Patrick Dempsey stand on very tall step ladders and paint the shit yellow shingles whenever they get chipped. And as a little side note, this is one of the coolest things about Rachie's Fantasy Island: she has the ability to zoom in on everything and everyone. There's a little camera in her head that allows her to do so.

Patrick Dempsey has many, many, many, many different jobs and roles in Rachel's head. Most of the time he's in the Love Chamber, which is kind of the living room. He stays chained in a bed bigger than the layout to her house all the time. And to keep him comfy, pink and purple fuzzy boa pillows are all over the bed. There are bars with those wrapped around the bed. And of course, there's a TV in every room. I mean, what kind of person doesn't have a TV in every room?!

Of course, she lets Patrick out every once in a while to get some sun. He wears a little straw sun hat and goes working in the garden, but he still stays cuffed to the bed with an extra long chain. Rachel takes pride in her garden, so she makes sure to fertilize it herself, if ya know what I mean. Wink-wink.

Like most normal people, there's a mailbox Rachie has at the end of her driveway. By this mailbox, whenever there's outgoing mail when the flag is sticking up, stands Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. He wears a leather leopard print thong and continuously thrusts his pelvis. Sometimes he'll lose his balance and fall back on his jiggly jello, but thankfully his thong acts as an airbag and he bounces back up and continues what he was doing before.

One of Billie Joe's BFFs in her head is an actor called T.R. Knight from a show called Grey's Anatomy, which Rachel does not watch because it's turned into Grey's Whisperer. So, in reality T.R. is gay and has an ugly manhuahua boyfriend named Mark, but in her head they don't date, but Mark's kind of obsessed with T. T.R. is straight as a pin. Rawr.

So, Billie and T.R. like to go down to the Rachie Bar at night so they can try and get free booze, leading them into having to pretend to be gay to get some magic juice potion, yo. So they start making out and shit. They do eventually get such liquid, then they get drunker than a skunk and stay out all night.

The next day though...look out. Billie Joe enjoys waking everyone up on the Island by cawing like a damn rooster. So when him and T come back from the Bar Billie will usually caw and shit, waking everyone up, then he'll pass out. But see, here's the thing...Billie Joe enjoys sleeping outside, so he needs something comfy to rest his abnormally large head on. That's where the manzard comes in hand...

This manzard's name is Trè Cool. He is half man, half salamander. Billie uses him as a pillow. Trè is also very slimy, so Billie tends to fall off of him and smack his lunkhead on the sidewalk a lot, causing permanent drunken brain damage, leading him to believe that he is indeed Princess of Genovia.

In reality T.R. has a boyfriend named Mark, but in Rachie's Fantasy Island he's just a freaky little manhuahua that nobody likes, but he just remains as one of the permanent residents there for whatever reason.

Mark has a very random, strange obsession with hair bows, but he doesn't call them that because he's an f-nut. He calls them "haiur bowsz." He has tons of them and wears different ones every day. He also enjoys spying on T.R. when he's in the shower and other things. He's a freaky fucker! YOW!

Anyway, tune in for the next chapter of Rachie's Fantasy Island. Where everything you read is a product of Rachel's twisted imagination! Buh-bye!

End