Rachie's Fantasy Island

Meaning that it was a Sunday in Rachie's Fantasy Island, Rachie took the day off. And when that happened, the unthinkable happened... MTV takes over.

That's right, MTV Cribz was visiting the Rachie House. They had been trying to sneak in all week but Rachie kept throwing them out. But she was too lazy to have Mike Dirnt keep watch and make sure he'd throw them out, so it's obvious that they were gonna sneak in...

Word had gotten around the Rachie House that Cribz was gonna visit, so they made sure to have everything as prettiful as possible, or else Rachie would be sure to kill them. Mark was taking extra long to primp himself in the mirror that day, because he had to make sure his haiur bowsz were perfect in his haiur.

Since him and Sanjaya were totally soul sisters, they shared the bathroom together as they primped. They did each others' hair and makeup to be all bootiful, cos they were the only ones that thought they were pretty. But Sanjaya wasn't as narcisistic as Mark, cos Mark was just full of himself in the midst of all of his chihuahuay pride. Little bitch nugget...

While that was happening Billie and T.R. were washing their leather thongs and polishing their clubs. They had to be ready to beat the crap out of the camera people. See, they were planning a surprise attack cos they wanted to please Rachel that day since they weren't being their usual shitheaded selves. Rachie usually liked to program them on Sundays so they'd behave. I mean, even the ruler of RFI has to take a day off sometime...

But that's when Leenut substitutes (hey, as long as I'm writing this piece of shit I might as well waffle a bit!) and keeps all of their asses in order. Wait, that made no sense since I just told you that she programs them to behave while she's taking the day off. lol Leenut so stoopid.

So, T and Billie went up to T.R.'s room, which was one of the oddest rooms in the house: it was covered in Hallmark stuff. T was randomly obsessed with Hallmark and the crowns, so his room was obviously done up in them. Duh, I just told you, lol. But the coolest thing about T's room was that he had a model of the Rachie House sitting on his bedside table. It was an alarm clock. When the alarm would go off a little Hallmark crown would pop out of it and smack him in the head to wake up, which ironically knocks him into a coma, lol.

I wonder what's in this tea I'm drinking...

So, since Mark was fed his rotten nigro eggs once again Patrick had to come out and sprinkle the fairy dust around like a good little boy. But this time he sang the gayest song known to man...

This song was so gay that the Manhuahua wouldn't dare listen to it.

This song was indeed Cisco McCarthy's theme song. But it was such a Village People rip off that it put the queerest group alive to shame.

"Blind" by Hercules and Love Affair.

Music that sounded like a disco fucked a gay club began to play. Patrick danced around the room in pink leather tights instead of his normal nylon ones and slapped his ass occasionally.

"As a child I knew," he sang. "That the stars could only get brighter!" He threw fairy dust around the room.

"Then we would get closer, get closer! Mmm-mmmm." Patrick slapped his ass and continued to wave his wand around.

Mark began to not fear the song as much and bounced into the room wearing a tutu that was pinker than Patrick's. Sanjaya followed Mark in wearing a purple tutu cos he wanted to be different. That, and it had Hello Kitty on it.

"As a child I knew," all three of them sang. "That the stars could only get brighter! Then we could get closer!" Mark and Sanjaya rubbed asses. "Leaving this darkness behind!"

Patrick threw the fairy dust so hard that some accidentally blew back into his face and he swallowed some.

He gagged and coughed for a good two minutes before realizing that he wasn't gonna die, but felt the strong urge to go pee-pee. So he danced out of the room like the twinkle toes he was and bounced into the bathroom. He pull it out of his tutu and released his emotional waterfall.

But something amazing happened. His pee was...sparkly. Just like Edward Cullen! But we won't mention that undead bastard cos he sucks, lol.

In the dining room where Sanjaya and Mark were still dancing to "Blind", a huge pile of hair appeared.

"Oh my God!" Mark exclaimed, admiring the pretty, long brown hair. "Isn't that so pretty?"

Sanjaya looked down at the hair.

"Oh my God! I know whose hair that is!" he exclaimed.

"Whose is it and where can I get some, girlfriend?" Mark questioned.

"Oh my God, follow meee!" Sanjaya took Mark by thepaw hand and dragged him up to the fifth floor of the Rachie House.

"Welcome to Rumplestiltskin's room!" Sanjaya exclaimed, pushing open the door.

Sitting in the room was a rather ugly girl with hair so long that it fell out of the window and had tangled itself around the room like vines. Mark flipped his briches.

"Oh my God! You have such pretty haiur!" he exclaimed, bouncing on his ass like Tigger over to Rump. "Can I have some of your haiur?"

Rump didn't say anything. She wasn't too big of a talker. Instead, she lifted up a weave of her hair and bitch slapped Mark with it.

"Owie!" he exclaimed, cupping his cheek. "Teddy bear!" He got up from his seat on Rump's lock of hair and ran out of the room. Sanjaya stuck around to visit with Rump, but he did all of the talking, of course.

Since I'm lazy and don't feel like telling you about the MTV Cribz visit, that'll be continued in the next chapter. Deal with it, lol.