Rachie's Fantasy Island

The MTV Cribs homies arrived at the Rachie House around 4 PM. Everything had been ready for the homie gizzle wiggas to come over, and everyone had prepared themselves for world-wide viewing. Without Rachie knowing it, which was ironic because she was technically God in this story and made everything happened. lolz.

Mark the manhuahua and Sanjaya had their hair loaded down in "haiur bowsz" and were planning on showing the camera crew Rump and how it (we're actually not sure whether Rump's a guy or a girl, it's just an it) has long hair.

Billie Joe and T.R. were the main ones, though. They were going to show them around the whole place and planned to wear their best leather leapord-print thongs. They had polished their clubs (baseball bats, you perverts) and cleaned their rooms like good boys. But they were planning something... They were planning to jump the MTV wiggas.

The doorbell rang at exactly four o'clock. Nobody was EVER late on Rachie's Fantasy Island, and if they were, she'd come in and beat them with a coffee pot.

Billie opened the door and smiled, showing off his pearly whites. They were almost as white as the Joker's tidy whities. Except Joker's tidy whities had purple and green skid marks on the ass, if ya know what I mean...

"Hello, welcome to the Rachie House!" he exclaimed, dragging the gold and baggy clothed white assholes inside. "T and I will be your hosts. TEDDYDORE!"

Speaking from the typer's point of view of this piece of shit, Theodore Raymond walked into the room looking cute and adorable as ever. Discluding that nasty leather thong. Rachie, how dare you make my husband wear that!

Rachie: "Because it's funny, you dumbass!"

Me: "But oh my God, it makes him look like a hillbilly caveman!"

Rachie: "Exactly, so shut up and write! Oh my God, it feels good to curse again..."

Me: "Fine..." scowly face; continues being dictated

So, Theodore and Billie Joe led the MTV wigga effers into the Love Chamber where Patrick was chained to the bed, his hair not being touched by anything.

"This is the living room, AKA: the Love Chamber! Learn it, know it, live it," said Billie, sounding like that guy from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

"Holla!" T exclaimed, poking Patrick in the ass with his club. He just had to find out how firm it was.

"Yo, homie gizzle, why's Patrick Dempsey chained to dat bed?" one of the camera wiggaz asked.

"Because he's the Great and Almighty Rachie's sex monkey! DUH! You should know that one, boii." Billie Joe slapped the emm effer upside the head and snapped his fingers, leading him into the kitchen.

"So this is where we fix all our grub, and sometimes, usually on Fridays, Thanksgivings and Rachie's, Oreo's, Rowdy's and Rachie's mom's birthdays, we hold a hugeass banquet," said Teddydore, smiling adorabley and looking as perfect as always. Except when he gets that damned buzz cut. Talk about horrible! Teddy, please don't do that ever, ever, ever, eve--

Rachie: "Stop swooning and cooing over him, you big dumbass!"

Me: "Sorry, Rachie..."

Rachie: "That's alright, Leetrice."

Me: "It's LEENUT. LEENUT. L-E-E-N-U-T!"

Rachie: "It's LEETRICE, and GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" smites

Me: leaps into air with a barbequed asshole "Sorry!"

"Yo, dawg, who iz Rowdy and Oreo?" one of the wiggas asked.

"Her cats! DUH!" Billie smacked him with his club. "That leaves us to the next room, the Rowdy and Oreo room!"

He snapped his fingers and they magically appeared up on the third floor, in Rowdy and Oreo's room. It had tons of shelves for them to climb around on, and tons of toys for them. There were a "his and her" cat litter box, and a little jungle-gym-type play set for Oreo, since she had to stay limber. There was a whole turkey sitting up on a table for Rowdy with tons of glasses of water, since he liked to knock them over. The TV was on for him to watch, too. Rowdy was the fatter one, so he liked to eat and watch a lot of TV. And misbehave by shitting on the floor every once in a while and knocking more shit over. Speaking of shit, Oreo has the STINKIEST shit, and thanks to her, Rachie had to donate a dime into the curse jar cos she told her mom that on purpose.

Rachie: "Damn straight! Holla!"

"Yo dawg, dis room smellz like ish," said one of the wiggas with a Kanye West hat on.

"Kanye West SUCKS, dawg! Except I like his song Bittersweet, cos JoooOoohHhhhhHhhnNnnNNnnnnn MaaaAAaaAaaYyyyyYyyyYYyyeeEeeeEeeeerRRrRRRrrRrrr was featured!" T exclaimed.

Me: singing to T.R. "Your body is a wondahlaaannnndd!"

T.R.: "LOL I know!"

Me: "Your body is a wondahlaaaand, I'll use my hands!"

Rachie: "I wouldn't doubt it. GET BACK TO THE STORY, DUMBASS!"

Me: "Sorry!"

Rachie: "I'ma fire yooh!"

Me: "OH MY GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Next is the Joker's room!" Billie exclaimed, leading them down the hall.

"The Joker?! Dat crazy wiggah wit dah face paint 'n' shiz?" the wiggah with the Yankees hat on exclaimed.

"Yes, you fucking retard," said Billie Joe, smacking him with his club. They went into the Joker's room.

Joker's room was one of the most amazing in the house. The walls literally stretched all the way up into the heavens. They were painted in stripes of purple, green, red, white and pink. He had blood and paint randomly splattered around and his bed with purple and green. In fact, all of his furnishings were purple and green cause he was the Joker...duh. Lolz. Retards. Betcha didn't kno dat lol!!!!!!11

Me: "Damn baby, you frustrate me."

T: "Ohhhhh." ~~

Rachie: "Quit singing Your Body Is A Wonderland, Leetrice."

Me: "Yes, Rachie."

"I'm scared, dawg!" exclaimed the Yankees wiggah. He dropped the microphone thing and took off.

"Well, y'all are effing boring me!" T exclaimed, grabbing his club.

"Me too," said Billie.

"Get dah FOOK outta here!" T shouted.

The wiggahz all looked at each other.

Billie and T began beating them with clubs, chasing them all the way out of the Rachie House.

"Oh my God, we're heeiiuuuree for our film debute!" Manhuahua exclaimed, skip-de-looing down the steps.

"Oh my God, hi world!" Sanjaya exclaimed. He tripped on the last step, knocking the Manhuahua over. Thankfully (<-- sarcasm, lol!!!!), Mark's wisdom tooth had grown so big and stuck out of his jaw so much that it caught him and Sanjaya from hitting the floor.

T slammed the front door and smacking the last wiggah in the ass with his club. He looked down at Mark and smacked his wisdom tooth, causing it to break.

"Oh my God!" Mark exclaimed through the shitloads of pain that was erupting in his stupid jaw. His tooth fell out onto the floor, making his face go back to normal. "You made me even prettier again, Teddy bear! I love you!"

Mark wrapped his arms around T's waist and grabbed his ass. I magically appeared into the story and grabbed Billie Joe's bat and smacked Mark with it.

"Keep your nastypaws hands offa my MAN!" I exclaimed.

"Leetrice," came a booming voice from the great beyond, AKA: the real world.

I winced the moment I heard the Great and Almighty Rachie's voice.

"Yes, Rachie?" I asked sheepishly, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Good job. Now... GET YOUR ASS BACK OUT HERE!"

"Damn it!" I shouted, being sucked back into the real world.

Even all the way in Rachie's Fantasy Island, you could hear Rachie bitch slapping me.

Everyone on the Island, of course, ignored the voice and went back to their normal, bizzare activities.