Rachie's Fantasy Island

The Rachie house was dark. It was darker than the bat cave in Batman Begins. It was so dark that a lit match wouldn't help, because it was only ten AM. All the shades were drawn and everyone was asleep.

A dark figure crept through the fifth floor, silent as a mouse. The mysterious figure walked past Sanjaya's room, just missing the creaky spot in front of his door. The figure snickered in his or her's head, feeling very mischievous about what he or she was about to do.

The figure stopped once reaching the Manhuahua's door. Very quietly, the figure cracked the door open and slipped inside. Graceful like a cat.

Inside the dark, pink room laid Mark on his frilly, rainbow bed. His room was done up in My Little Pony and glittery crap. It was like a seven-year-old girl's room.

The figure pulled out a needle and gently pushed on the injection button. A little drop of clear liquid shot out.

With a quiet snicker, he or she crept across the hard wood floors and reached Mark's bed. Very quietly, the figure lifted Mark's twig arm up and jammed the needle in.

Amazing, Mark laid still and continued to snore like an elephant.

Once the liquid had been injected into Mark's pretzel-thin arm, the figure dropped it and crept out of the room.

"Ha, now we'll see how the Manhuahua likes being part female cow! Muahahaha!" the figure cackled quietly.

The mysterious person had given Mark a very strong dose of cow estrogen. Clever...like a fox.

At about two-thirty PM everyone on the Island and in the House woke up. Sanjaya had gotten up and taken his curlers out, Billie Joe had woken up to the sound of John Mayer's "Your Body Is A Wonderland", cos Billie Joe LOVED John Mayer, T.R. got smacked in the head by his alarm clock, the Joker was already up since he almost never slept, Corbin had gotten up to wash his hair and make it extra poofy, and Mark...

Mark had rolled out of bed to a bigger chest than he had remembered.

"Oh my God, good morning Markie-Mark's Island!" Markhuahua skip-de-looed across his bedroom and stared at himself in his fake rhinestone-covered full body mirror and yawned, fluffing his hair.

Then he saw it.

He saw them.

A pair of triple Z cup boobs.

"Oh my GOD!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms above his head. His voice was much higher than it used to be, which was saying something cos his voice wasn't very manly. In fact, he had taken so many gay-talking lessons that you couldn't tell whether or not he was a man.

Sanjaya pushed Mark's door open and yawned, wearing his little pink robe.

"'orning, Markie," Sanjaya said with a yawn.

"Sanjaya! Oh my God, my dreams have come true!" Mark pointed at his mewbz.

Sanjaya's eyes widened.

"Oh my God! Where'd you get them and where can I get some?!"

"I don't know! Oh my God, I totally went to sleep and woke up with them!" Mark leaned his head down and sniffed. "And they smell like lime!"

"Oh my God! Sanjay wants cherry boobies!" When Sanjaya got really excited, he liked to refer to himself in third person.

"Let's go!" Mark exclaimed, hurrying over to Sanjaya and grabbing him by the wrist.

They ran down all five flights of steps and went into the kitchen, which was where almost everyone was all the time.

"Oh my God, baby bear, look at my boobies! Aren't they hawt?" Mark threw himself at T.R., who was wearing blue footy pajamas with Hallmark crowns on them.

T.R., who was passed out on the kitchen table with a newspaper over his head, didn't even acknowledge the fact that Manhuahua was shoving his cow moobz on him.

The Joker, who was normally at Rachie Muggs, wandered into the kitchen with his usual permanent smile on. His face was painted in its usual colors: white, red and black.

"Hello there, Mark," Joker said in his deep, creepy voice.

Mark started trembling, since he thought the Joker was really hot. What, with his greasy green hair and gun powdery, body odorous dirty self? Oh, and don't forget those sexy purple suits and strange, matching colored socks.

"H-H-H-Hiii, Mr. J," Mark flirted, twirling his too-short-hair-to-twirl.

"I'm gonna kill you tonight." Joker cackled like a hyena, then left for Rachie Muggs.

"I'm looking forward to it!" Mark exclaimed, then paused. "Wait...oh my God! Noooo!"

Patrick, who was released from the Love Chamber, entered the kitchen to prepare a gourmet breakfast for the house. Mike Delfino followed Patrick in since Mike had been temporarily sentenced to the Love Chamber.

The only reason why Billie Joe wasn't out there was because there was outgoing mail that day, so Billie had to stand out by the mailbox and thrust his pelvis until the stupidassed mailman came.

"More hi dad soup, please," T.R. said in his sleep, sounding like Goofy from A Goofy Movie.

"Hi, daddio," Mark said, shoving a bowl of alphabet soup in front of T, causing him to wake up.

Theodore rubbed his tired eyes and looked at Mark, feeling a strong wave of nausea wash over him momentarily. His eyes widened once he saw Mark's manboobs.

"Whoa, Mark, what happened to your ugly azz?"

"I grew lime boobies for you, baby bear!" Mark squeezed them, causing lime jello to leak out.

Mark and T.R.'s eyes both widened. T.R. started laughing his ass off while Mark bawled his eyes out.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed, whipping out a bra. He somehow got it to hook and put it on. In front of everyone. No privacy. Everyone saw everything.

Meaning that Mark was injected with cow estrogen and had somehow grown jello boobies that were lime flavored, he had sixteen nipples. And his boobs somewhat resembled utters. Yeah, that was one for the Guinness Book of World Records...

Since Mark was so scarred, he had to go to therapy because his boobs weren't perfect, and Rachie refused to let him go on Dr. 90210 to get plastic surgery done on TV.

So there he was, sitting outside of Dr. Gordon Allport's office. Dr. Allport was the psychologist on Rachie's Fantasy Island, and had actually met Sigmund Freud in his younger years. Everyone loved Allport. But what was really cool about Dr. Allport's office was that he had a friggin' Ouija board in there so you could talk to Sigmund Freud if he was busy and you needed immediate counseling from the Father of Psychology.

"Oh my God, I need immediate attention!" Mark exclaimed to Gordon's secretary.

The secretary didn't even give him the time of day. She continued to read Cosmo while sucking down an iced coffee from Rachie Muggs.

Mark glared, then stormed into Gordon's office.

Gordon was busy counseling a man that nobody knew how he got onto the Island. It was a man named Baloni Scaramuzzino. He was a full-blooded Italian and was always, and I mean always in a funk. But what was seriously rad about Baloni was that he had a really, really long handlebar mustache that curled over six friggin' times. Baloni loved his mustache to curl so many times, so he always made sure that he wore curlers in it every night when he went to bed.

"I'ma tellin' yooh, Dr. All-a-port-a!" Baloni exclaimed, throwing his arms above his head. "It was-a big-a meat-a-ball-a! It was-a bigger than my head-a! And I couldn't eat it because of my-a mustache!" Baloni played with his mustache.

Dr. Allport gave Baloni a weird look.

"Mr. Scaramuzzino, have you ever considered shaving it?"

Baloni flew off the handle.

"I will-a not-a shave-a my mustache off-a!" Baloni stood up and threw his arms above his head and began to curse in Italian.

Mark, being too ignorant and self absorbed to pay attention to the comedy that was happening, approached Gordon's Ouija board and began to mess around with it.

But since Mark was too stupid and scared to work it, he pulled out eyelash curlers and started beating it while screaming, "STINGMUSTERD FRUITLOOP!", which sounded like a backwards ass Harry Potter spell.

The Ouija board suddenly shook and the ghost of Sigmund Freud popped out, smoking a cigar.

"'Ello there, young...person." Sigmund stared at Mark's jello boobs, an obese tranny's dream come true.

"Oh my God, I need your help! My boobies are leaking with jello and I'm scared!"

"Well, tell me about yourself first, Mark, then we'll discuss it."

Mark took a seat in front of the Ouija board while Freud leaned against the table it was on.

"Oh my God, how'd you know mah name?" Mark questioned, fixing his boobs.

"You just look like a Mark. And I am the father of psychology." Freud chuckled, staring at Mark's crotch. "So, tell me about yourself, Mark."

"Oh my God, so my name is Mark and I love Theodore! Oh my Goodddd. He loves me too, but he hasn't realized it yet. I live here on the Island in the Rachie House. And my b-f-f's name is Sanjaya! We love Hello Kitty and naruto and pink and My Little Pony and haiur bowsz!"

"Interesting... It seems that you have a penis envy with Theodore." Freud scratched his gray beard.

"Pee-pee envy?! Ewwie!" Mark fanned his face off. "But I do want it. If ya know what I mean." Mark giggled and wiggled his eyebrows like a little bitch-nuggeting, ass-biting, chimpanzee-loving--

"You plagiarize those insults, Leetrice!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Shut up, Rachie! I know it's from your amazingly awesome Dream street video, but..."

"Get back to work, ding dong! Hey wait...I can swear! I CAN SWEAR! Shit, fuck, cunt, ass-licking chimp-shitting peanut ass humping, fuckity, fuck-fuck-FUCK! ASSHOLE! Shit-bricks! YOW! WHORE STOMPING FUCKING SHIT BRICKS AND CHEESE! Holla! That felt good..."

See, Rachel wasn't allowed to curse out loud cos she and mom had a curse jar going...

"It feels FUCKING GOOD to swear!" she exclaimed. "YOW!"

Cough. Anyway.

Freud, who had been playing with a balloon penis and giggling over it like a fatass pervert, looked at Mark.

"No, Mark. Since you have always had a fly-sized penis you want an actual one, so you're wanting his deep in your subconscious."

Mark's eyes widened. "Oh my God!"

"Now, run along and go find your true penis while I go back to the other side and masturbate to pictures of my mother..."

"...okie!" Mark jumped up and skip-de-looed out of Allport's office, sending Freud back into the Ouija board.

"Mr. Scaramuzzino, I think maybe you should go and lay down for a while..." Dr. Allport said slowly, watching Baloni's Italian rage continue.

"Shut up!" Baloni exclaimed, storming out of Gordon's office, continuing with his funk.

End.