Alexander Ruddley
Perfect
PERFECT:
The car ride home was full of Rachel and me trying to talk over each other. We were telling the same stories and we were making the same jokes. And before we knew it she was dropping me off at my car. Before I left I looked at her, and she looked at me, and she said,
“You know, you don’t have to tell anyone about this Alexander. It’s all going to be great.” And she closed her eyes and kissed my forehead.
And I looked at her, feeling like a child, and smiled. I got out of the car and before I got into mine, Rachel called out my name and tossed the CD to me.
“You need this more than I do.” Was all she said. Then with loud tire screeching she peeled out of the parking lot.
I checked my cell phone. 4 missed calls, And 10 unread text messages. All calls were Devyn. And I didn’t even bother with my Texts. I drove home and walked in. My parents were in London for the next month or so and Tyler had to stay with my uncle John. I went straight to the refrigerator, feeling kind of down, and picked out some juice. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, hardly an hour later Devyn called. I ignored her call and went to sleep.
When I woke up Devyn was in my room arms crossed over her chest, tears in her eyes.
“What’s wrong baby?” I asked sleepily.
“YOU!” she screamed and I felt guilt crash over me like a tsunami. Then waves of paranoia, Did Devyn know? Did she see me? Does she know what I’ve done? I twisted my promise ring around my finger.
“What do you mean?” I asked getting up and trying to put my hands on her hips.
She pulled away.
“Where did you go with Rachel?” she whispered.
I felt my stomach tighten.
“I told you babe, I walked with her to the nurse’s office. Then I drove her car to the emergency room for her. I was exhausted when I came home so I went to sleep, I’m sorry.” I rubbed her shoulders and she looked up at me her tears welling but not falling.
“Swear?” She said, and I raised a brow.
“What?” I asked and she set her jaw.
“I said Swear!” She yelled. “Swear to me that, that was all it was!” I grabbed her face as she tried to turn away; I looked her in the eye and said slowly, “I swear.”
She sighed, and smiled. I held her for awhile before she had to go home.
I walked her to the door, kissed her, and said,
“I would never hurt you Devyn, you should know that.” She smiled and said,
“It’s not you that I don’t trust. It’s her.” She turned and walked to her car.
I felt something inside me cave in as I watched her drive away, I felt hollow. I ran to my car and grabbed that CD.
I opened the case and a paper fell out it was Rachel’s number. I looked at the paper and felt almost instantly that hunger. I couldn’t tell if it was for her, or if it was for what she had to offer.
I popped the CD into my stereo and tried to forget that today ever even happened.
I fell asleep dreamlessly, while my mind was racing with guilt.
I woke up late the next day feeling horrible, I felt guilty and depressed.
I took a shower and tried to wash all my sins away.
I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I kept trying to look for any trace of what I was feeling on my face, on my body, but there wasn’t any. I couldn’t see any, and it was then in this moment, I realized that I was a liar. And lying, just like everything else in my life, was something I was great at.
The car ride home was full of Rachel and me trying to talk over each other. We were telling the same stories and we were making the same jokes. And before we knew it she was dropping me off at my car. Before I left I looked at her, and she looked at me, and she said,
“You know, you don’t have to tell anyone about this Alexander. It’s all going to be great.” And she closed her eyes and kissed my forehead.
And I looked at her, feeling like a child, and smiled. I got out of the car and before I got into mine, Rachel called out my name and tossed the CD to me.
“You need this more than I do.” Was all she said. Then with loud tire screeching she peeled out of the parking lot.
I checked my cell phone. 4 missed calls, And 10 unread text messages. All calls were Devyn. And I didn’t even bother with my Texts. I drove home and walked in. My parents were in London for the next month or so and Tyler had to stay with my uncle John. I went straight to the refrigerator, feeling kind of down, and picked out some juice. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, hardly an hour later Devyn called. I ignored her call and went to sleep.
When I woke up Devyn was in my room arms crossed over her chest, tears in her eyes.
“What’s wrong baby?” I asked sleepily.
“YOU!” she screamed and I felt guilt crash over me like a tsunami. Then waves of paranoia, Did Devyn know? Did she see me? Does she know what I’ve done? I twisted my promise ring around my finger.
“What do you mean?” I asked getting up and trying to put my hands on her hips.
She pulled away.
“Where did you go with Rachel?” she whispered.
I felt my stomach tighten.
“I told you babe, I walked with her to the nurse’s office. Then I drove her car to the emergency room for her. I was exhausted when I came home so I went to sleep, I’m sorry.” I rubbed her shoulders and she looked up at me her tears welling but not falling.
“Swear?” She said, and I raised a brow.
“What?” I asked and she set her jaw.
“I said Swear!” She yelled. “Swear to me that, that was all it was!” I grabbed her face as she tried to turn away; I looked her in the eye and said slowly, “I swear.”
She sighed, and smiled. I held her for awhile before she had to go home.
I walked her to the door, kissed her, and said,
“I would never hurt you Devyn, you should know that.” She smiled and said,
“It’s not you that I don’t trust. It’s her.” She turned and walked to her car.
I felt something inside me cave in as I watched her drive away, I felt hollow. I ran to my car and grabbed that CD.
I opened the case and a paper fell out it was Rachel’s number. I looked at the paper and felt almost instantly that hunger. I couldn’t tell if it was for her, or if it was for what she had to offer.
I popped the CD into my stereo and tried to forget that today ever even happened.
I fell asleep dreamlessly, while my mind was racing with guilt.
I woke up late the next day feeling horrible, I felt guilty and depressed.
I took a shower and tried to wash all my sins away.
I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I kept trying to look for any trace of what I was feeling on my face, on my body, but there wasn’t any. I couldn’t see any, and it was then in this moment, I realized that I was a liar. And lying, just like everything else in my life, was something I was great at.