I Never Told You What I Did for a Living

I closed the door quickly but quietly behind me. I leaned on it for support and, burying my face in my hands, I sunk to the floor. Unwanted tears began to flow down my cheeks and I drew in a shaky breath.

"Are you okay?" Gerard's voice made me jump a little, and I stood up.

"No," I admitted. "I'm really not."

"What's wrong?" he reached out an arm for me and I went to him.

"Life's so... fragile. Really, in one second there's a happy-go-lucky little girl asking to be my friend and the next her father's dead!"

"Lily, what are you talking about?"

"I need to tell you something," I began slowly. The time had come. I really couldn't let him talk me out of it this time.

"We went over this, we'll talk about this serious stuff later."

"No, Gerard. I need to talk now. Please," I begged. "What if you had died yesterday? I've wanted to tell you since that day at the grocery store, but I could never work up the guts. Then I talked to Mikey and-"

"Wait," he cut me off. "Mikey knows before I do?"

"No, he just helped me realize that I need you to know."

"Okay," his eyes were gentle as he stroked my hand. "Go ahead then."

"I'm not who you think I am. I mean, I'm me, but there's just... wow, this is much more complicated than I thought."

"Calm down, it can't be that bad."

"It doesn't seem like it, but... promise me something first."

"Okay, what am I promising?"

"That you'll forgive me for not telling you sooner. And that you'll still love me."

"I promise," his eyes told me he was sincere.

"I'm not in art school. I was there on a campus tour when we met. I'm a senoir in a high school where everyone hates me, including my best friend who I recently sabatoged because she turned out to be a huge bitch," once I started confessing, secrets poured out. I was speaking so fast I was almost certain that he couldn't understand me. "Everything else I ever told you was true. My dad leaving, my mother not trusting me... I'm so sorry, Gerard."

Once again, I felt the unwelcome burn of tears.

Gerard was silent for a long moment, trying to take in all that I'd suddenly thrust upon him. I began to pace anxiously, waiting for a response. When one finally came, it shocked me.

"It's okay. I forgive you."

Even though his voice had been quiet and he sounded slightly strange, I ran back to him in joy. Unfortunately for me, the response didn't end with that statement.

"How old are you?"

"It doesn't matter," I was defensive. I already knew why he was asking.

"Seriously, how old?"

"Seventeen," I mumbled, giving in.

"What the fuck, Lily?" his voice was sharp, and he'd never yelled at me before. "We got you drunk!"

"It's not the first time I've drank," I snapped back. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is, you lied!"

"You promised to forgive me!"

"That was before I knew about... FUCK!"

"What now?"

"You ran away from home! I assumed that you weren't a minor so you could leave if you wanted to. We could both get into a lot of shit for this! If your mom really did call the cops..." his face turned white as he thought.

"She wouldn't."

"I don't think you understand. I could get charged with kidnapping if you've been reported missing. I'm seriously fucked here."

I honestly hadn't even considered that before.

"I never meant for that," I whispered.

"I know, but it's happened nevertheless. It's better for everyone if you just go back home for now."

I was stunned. I expected something bad to happen because of all this, but I hadn't expected to get kicked out. "You also promised you'd still love me," I pointed out quietly.

"I never said I don't love you. I just need you to go for awhile. We both have some things to figure out."

"Well let me know when you've had time to think," I could hear my voice raise, but couldn't seem to control the volume. "I'll be waiting...maybe."

"Don't turn this around like that," he yelled.

"I'm leaving, okay? Just like you wanted. You'll get home and there'll be nothing left to remind you that I was ever there."

I stormed out of the room, furious. I couldn't believe what one little lie could do to our relationship, and I regretted ever doing it. But that regret, at this particuler moment, was buried deep beneath the layer of white-hot rage that had flooded my body.

"Where are you going?" Mikey asked as I stomped past the waiting room.

I paused just long enough to shoot a look of pure hatred in the direction of Gerard's room. "Ask your brother," I snarled.

I wasn't until I stepped outside that the reality of the situation sunk in.