I Never Told You What I Did for a Living
The Phone Call
"I'm really sorry," he blurted.
"It's my fault. I never should have lied in the first place. I just thought we'd never see each other again so there was no harm in it. I never dreamed that anything like this would happen."
"Lily, I overreacted. I miss you," there was a note of pleading in his voice.
"I miss you, too," my voice cracked. "I didn't know how hard it would be to keep going without you with me."
"Do you forgive me for being such a prick?"
"Only if you forgive me for lying and leaving like a little bitch."
We shared a laugh, but both of us knew that we weren't totally okay yet.
"Can you come here? We need to talk face-to-face."
"My mom took the keys to my car so I wouldn't run away again," I sighed. "Can Mikey or someone pick me up?"
"They all left to go shower and shit like that. I guess we have to use the phone for now."
"That's fine. Believe me, hearing your voice is like a miracle right now."
"I need you to know why I said the things I did," he began. "Things just got really complicated in a matter of about two seconds, and I wasn't prepared to handle them the way I should have. Things started popping into my head and freaking me out and I sort of lost it. I really wish it would have went differently. When you left, I was so shocked. Then Mikey came in and I had to tell him everything. I sort of broke down when I went over it all in my head. I was such an ass. I'm sorry," the tone of his voice told me that he was being sincere.
"My turn. I thought it would be fun to pretend I actually was in college, but I never knew it could be such a big deal. Then as soon as we got close, I was trying to find a time to tell you the truth. It never seemed like the right time, and then-" I paused and inhaled sharply at the memory. "I thought I might lose you and I tried to tell you-"
"But I wouldn't let you."
"Right. Then, I met that little girl and saw again how fragile our lives are and I knew you had to know. I didn't want anything like that on my conscience if something happened and you never knew the truth. Then, when you reacted the way you did, I overreacted, too. I was so furious that I couldn't even stop to think about what was going on. But when I had to pack up all my shit and leave, that was when it got me. I started thinking that because of my stupidity I was never going to talk to you again. That's when I broke down. I was in the parking lot of your school. Don't ask how I got there, because I don't know myself. I didn't leave my room all weekend, and I'd still be there if my mom hadn't forced me to go to school today. I got so many worried messages on my phone that I couldn't help but feel like there was a way for us to work this out. So I told Mikey to get you to call me when you were ready to talk."
"I'm glad you did. It let me know that even if you were mad, you still cared."
"I'm glad you called. It let me know the same thing."
A silence fell then, and I waited for him to say more. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I wanted to see him so badly.
"I love you, Lily."
The words felt as good as they had the first time he'd said them.
"I love you, too, Gerard."
I hung up my phone a moment later and slowly walked back into the school. This was the last place I wanted to be. I wanted to be with Gerard. I wanted to talk to the guys. I wanted to let the whole world know that in that moment, for once in my life, I felt like I was okay.
Unfortunately, I couldn't do any of those things. I was stuck in this building with people that I hated, and who hated me equally in return. But I still had that good feeling in my stomach, even as I entered my next class late, causing all the eyes in the room to flicker to me.
I sat down in the last empty desk in the room, which happened to be in the front row. Normally, I would have hated it, but that day nothing could get to me.
Hey, world. I think I might just be okay.
"It's my fault. I never should have lied in the first place. I just thought we'd never see each other again so there was no harm in it. I never dreamed that anything like this would happen."
"Lily, I overreacted. I miss you," there was a note of pleading in his voice.
"I miss you, too," my voice cracked. "I didn't know how hard it would be to keep going without you with me."
"Do you forgive me for being such a prick?"
"Only if you forgive me for lying and leaving like a little bitch."
We shared a laugh, but both of us knew that we weren't totally okay yet.
"Can you come here? We need to talk face-to-face."
"My mom took the keys to my car so I wouldn't run away again," I sighed. "Can Mikey or someone pick me up?"
"They all left to go shower and shit like that. I guess we have to use the phone for now."
"That's fine. Believe me, hearing your voice is like a miracle right now."
"I need you to know why I said the things I did," he began. "Things just got really complicated in a matter of about two seconds, and I wasn't prepared to handle them the way I should have. Things started popping into my head and freaking me out and I sort of lost it. I really wish it would have went differently. When you left, I was so shocked. Then Mikey came in and I had to tell him everything. I sort of broke down when I went over it all in my head. I was such an ass. I'm sorry," the tone of his voice told me that he was being sincere.
"My turn. I thought it would be fun to pretend I actually was in college, but I never knew it could be such a big deal. Then as soon as we got close, I was trying to find a time to tell you the truth. It never seemed like the right time, and then-" I paused and inhaled sharply at the memory. "I thought I might lose you and I tried to tell you-"
"But I wouldn't let you."
"Right. Then, I met that little girl and saw again how fragile our lives are and I knew you had to know. I didn't want anything like that on my conscience if something happened and you never knew the truth. Then, when you reacted the way you did, I overreacted, too. I was so furious that I couldn't even stop to think about what was going on. But when I had to pack up all my shit and leave, that was when it got me. I started thinking that because of my stupidity I was never going to talk to you again. That's when I broke down. I was in the parking lot of your school. Don't ask how I got there, because I don't know myself. I didn't leave my room all weekend, and I'd still be there if my mom hadn't forced me to go to school today. I got so many worried messages on my phone that I couldn't help but feel like there was a way for us to work this out. So I told Mikey to get you to call me when you were ready to talk."
"I'm glad you did. It let me know that even if you were mad, you still cared."
"I'm glad you called. It let me know the same thing."
A silence fell then, and I waited for him to say more. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I wanted to see him so badly.
"I love you, Lily."
The words felt as good as they had the first time he'd said them.
"I love you, too, Gerard."
I hung up my phone a moment later and slowly walked back into the school. This was the last place I wanted to be. I wanted to be with Gerard. I wanted to talk to the guys. I wanted to let the whole world know that in that moment, for once in my life, I felt like I was okay.
Unfortunately, I couldn't do any of those things. I was stuck in this building with people that I hated, and who hated me equally in return. But I still had that good feeling in my stomach, even as I entered my next class late, causing all the eyes in the room to flicker to me.
I sat down in the last empty desk in the room, which happened to be in the front row. Normally, I would have hated it, but that day nothing could get to me.
Hey, world. I think I might just be okay.