I Never Told You What I Did for a Living

"Dad, can Gerard and Mikey come over sometime?"

He nearly choked on his dinner. He looked up at me with wide eyes, clearing his throat. He tried to compose himself as he set down his fork.

"Do you think they'd come if you invited them?"

"Mikey might. And if he does, then I'm sure Gerard would. We probably wouldn't be around here much. We'd go into town or something so there isn't a repeat of last time."

He seemed to consider my proposition. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I don't trust that Gerard. There's just something about him..." he let his sentence trail off.

"I don't think he's too fond of you, either. That's why we wouldn't be at the house. We wouldn't bother you, I promise."

"Lily, I just don't want you hanging out with him. His brother seems like a nice kid, why don't you hang out more with him?"

"Mikey's great, Dad, but he's just a friend. He's not the one I'm in love with."

Dad flinched. "I think you're a little young to be talking about love. You should try out some other options before settling. You've been hanging out with that Cole boy, haven't you? His family is nice. Maybe you should call him up."

"Ben? Absolutely not! I can't stand him!"

"But you were with him your first day here."

"A lot has changed, Dad. I'm friends with the Hunters now."

He shuddered. "Please tell me that's a joke."

"What's wrong with them?"

"I don't trust them. They're... odd."

I dropped my fork in disgust. "You're really one to judge."

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I didn't believe that I had a father anymore. Now suddenly you try to take over every aspect of my life! I can't believe this, but I think I was happier with Mom!"

"But you aren't suicidal anymore," he protested, his voice weakening as though it was his last resort.

"I never was suicidal!" I screamed in outrage. "Mom made that up as an excuse to get rid of me!"

"You weren't depressed? Really?"

"No! Is that the only reason you took me here? You thought you were doing me a favor?"

"I thought I was keeping you alive," he whispered.

I stood up and put my dishes in the sink. I knew he had good intentions, but after so long without a child around, he didn't know how to take care of one. As I went to leave the room, I paused just long enough to speak.

"Gerard was keeping me alive."

I sat on my bed with my headphones in, flipping through an indie music magazine. I didn't look up when Dad entered the room, and I didn't move when he sat on my desk chair.

"This is... interesting," he picked up a drawing I'd done of a burning photo. "What exactly is on fire?"

I pulled out my headphones and looked at him. "What do you want?"

He gestured to the picture again. "What is it?"

I sighed and looked back down at my magazine. "It's our family portrait."

"Oh," he set it down and brushed his hands on his pants as though they'd been dirtied by the picture. "Were you depressed?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said he was keeping you alive. Were you depressed?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know. High school's complicated. Everything's fucked up right now."

He opened his mouth to object to my swearing, but seemed to think better of it. "I think you still are."

"Yeah? Why do you say that?"

"Well, for one, you're always picking fights with anybody in authority. Yes, I heard about you and your teacher on your first day. And also the type of kids you're hanging out with. I'm worried."

"For starters, I just have problems with authority figures. Second, my friends are good people. They're there for me. They care."

"And I don't?"

"You don't know the right way to show it. I just said I have authority issues and you're forbidding me to see my boyfriend. It's not helping anything."

"If they'll come, you can have them over. I won't say anything this time."

"Promise?"

He hesitated. "Promise."

"Thank you."

When he left my room, I immediately got to work. I had to arrange a set up between Mikey and Angela. The hardest part was still ahead of me.