I Never Told You What I Did for a Living

I walked into the old brick building and immediately felt the burn of my peers' stares on my skin. I was used to hearing a ripple of whispers as I walked past them, so I wasn't disturbed when it happened today. It wasn't because I'd been gone for a week on campus tours, it was just because I was me.

"Creep," I heard a girl mutter.

"Prep," I shot back. It shouldn't have been an insult, because it's obviously what she was, but since it came from my mouth she took offense. She glared at me and stalked off down the hallway.

This had to be one of the most fashion-conscious schools in the world, and somehow I ended up enrolled there. All the other girls had perfectly manicured hair and nails, while my nails were covered with a cheap black polish and my hair was thrown carelessly into a ponytail. They all wore designer clothes, while I wore torn jeans and a band tee. I had never fit in, but here it seemed all too obvious.

"You know that they never talked about you like that until your dad left," Jill pointed out as she watched the girl leave.

"Yeah, well that's when I let the real me show."

"But why did it affect you like that? It's not like you even liked him."

"Try having your dad walk out and see if you're normal afterwards," my voice was far more bitter than I had intended as I spun the combination into my lock.

"Okay, time for a subject change," she said cheerfully. "Who was the guy you left the store with on Saturday?"

I felt my cheeks burn as I blushed. "Nobody special."

"That's a lie! I haven't seen you blush in years. Spill!" she commanded.

"I met him at one of the colleges I went to last week. His name's Gerard and he's... amazing," I finished with a slight sigh.

"When do I get to meet him?"

"Never."

"What?" she pouted. "I introduced you to Todd before I even let my mom meet him!"

"It's just that... well you act like you're in high school," I finished lamely.

"Hello! Where are you standing right now?"

"I know, but he thinks I'm in college. Art school, actually."

"Yeah, and you probably will be next year. Why didn't you just tell him the truth?"

"Because at the time I thought I would never see him again," I explained as I hauled my books for first period out of my locker. "Now I don't know how to tell him the truth."

"If he cares, it won't matter."

"The problem is, he does care. He makes me forget my own fucked up, shitty life and I just want to be with him. Do you think he'll forgive me? I mean, what does it say about me that the first thing he ever found out about me was a lie?"

"You're worrying way too much, Lily," Jill closed her locker door. "You'll know what to do when the time comes. For now, just forget about it. But seriously... I'd better get to meet him. He's kind of cute. A little wierd for me, maybe, but the two of you look perfect together."

I laughed. "You should hear his voice. We sang to the Smashing Pumpkins in my car, and it made me melt inside."

"So the boy's got pipes," she mused. "He sounds too good to be true."

I thought of the way he had made me feel at the coffee shop. "Maybe he is."

"Stop that," she demanded. "You deserve this. Tell him the truth when you're ready. Maybe he doesn't need to know just yet. Besides, if you wait long enough, it won't be a lie anymore. You'll be in college eventually."

"I'll tell him," I stated, determined. "Just not quite yet. Before I do, I need to know he won't abandon me like everyone else already has."