I Never Told You What I Did for a Living
Stress
As soon as I opened my eyes the next morning, fear wrapped its thin, icy fingers around my chest and squeezed. Mom should have been already prepped for surgery and waiting to go in.
I pulled my blanket up around my neck and closed my eyes. No matter what anyone said, I refused to go to school that day. It would be hard enough to wait for news when I was with people who cared, let alone if I was stuck with people I hated.
"You awake?"
The whisper drew me out of my feigned sleep. I rolled over and looked into Gerard's bright, caring eyes. He brought his lips to mine gently and warmth seeped through my veins. The fear faded briefly when his skin made contact with mine.
"You're not going to school today," he murmured softly.
I smiled. "That's my opinion, too."
"It's not like you'd learn anything. You'll be too distracted."
"Plus I'd rather be with the guys when I find out. I need you there when I get the phone call."
He sat up and gazed down at me with adoring eyes. "I want to be there for you."
We stayed there for what seemed like hours, not speaking or moving. Eventually, I began to get restless. Waiting for a phone call was harder than I imagined it would be.
"Morning!" Frank greeted us brightly as we entered the kitchen. He was flipping through a flyer and sipping a mug of coffee.
"He figured out the coffee maker, why couldn't you?" I teased Gerard, making him flush.
"The clock's set now, that's why he got it."
"There's a clock on the coffee pot?" Frank jumped up and ran over to inspect it. "Well, I'll be damned. I didn't even notice it!"
"Because it's not flashing anymore."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I smirked.
Gerard rolled his eyes and grapped a couple of mugs out of the cupboard. He poured the steaming hot coffee into them and handed me one. I took it and sipped it gratefully.
"You're late for school, Lily," Mikey pointed out as he walked into the kitchen, glancing at the clock.
"I'm not going today," I replied. "I'm waiting for news on Mom."
"Oh, that's right, her operation's today," apprehension washed across his face.
"That's today? Wow, we came here at just the right time! We're here for you, Lily," Frank said, referring to himself as well as Ray.
We spent the morning watching movies and eating random food we found in the back of the fridge. I couldn't focus on anything besides the news I was eagerly awaiting and, at the same time, dreading. Gerard kept his arm around me, holding me close and wordlessly comforting me.
To occupy my mind, I decided to cook lunch for everyone. I felt bad that there was no real food for them to eat, and I needed to make up to Ray after he drank some sour milk. I wasn't about to pretend to be a good cook, so I kept the meal simple. The preparation didn't last long enough, and soon my thoughts wandered back to the situation I was in.
I picked at the lettuce salad on my plate and took a bite without really tasting it. Nobody spoke for a long moment, and I knew that they were worried they would say the wrong thing. I wasn't worried that they would let something slip that would hurt me. The guys may not have done well in awkward moments like these, but neither did I. I didn't need them to say the perfect thing to make me feel better, I was just glad that they had made the effort to come.
I had never had friends that would do that for me before. Jill wouldn't have ever believed that the silence was okay, and eventually something would have slipped from her lips to make me feel terrible. Many times she'd known what to say, but she'd never known where to stop. The guys weren't like that.
Frank always knew the perfect time to lighten the damp mood with a joke. Ray was generally quiet, but knew when to say something smart and witty. Mikey was sweet and kind and treated me as though I were family. And then there was Gerard. He was easily the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I loved him more than life itself. At one point that morning, I'd truly believed that no matter how the surgery turned out, I would be fine. Gerard was the only one I needed.
But at the same time, I wasn't ready to let my mom go. No matter how rocky our relationship had been over the years, every girl needs a mother. I still wanted her to be there for things like my graduation, my wedding, and any time I just needed to talk to her.
Ray and Mikey cleaned up the dishes for me, and Gerard and I returned to the couch. I curled up against his side and let my eyes close. I was somewhat relaxed for the first time that day.
And then the phone rang.
I pulled my blanket up around my neck and closed my eyes. No matter what anyone said, I refused to go to school that day. It would be hard enough to wait for news when I was with people who cared, let alone if I was stuck with people I hated.
"You awake?"
The whisper drew me out of my feigned sleep. I rolled over and looked into Gerard's bright, caring eyes. He brought his lips to mine gently and warmth seeped through my veins. The fear faded briefly when his skin made contact with mine.
"You're not going to school today," he murmured softly.
I smiled. "That's my opinion, too."
"It's not like you'd learn anything. You'll be too distracted."
"Plus I'd rather be with the guys when I find out. I need you there when I get the phone call."
He sat up and gazed down at me with adoring eyes. "I want to be there for you."
We stayed there for what seemed like hours, not speaking or moving. Eventually, I began to get restless. Waiting for a phone call was harder than I imagined it would be.
"Morning!" Frank greeted us brightly as we entered the kitchen. He was flipping through a flyer and sipping a mug of coffee.
"He figured out the coffee maker, why couldn't you?" I teased Gerard, making him flush.
"The clock's set now, that's why he got it."
"There's a clock on the coffee pot?" Frank jumped up and ran over to inspect it. "Well, I'll be damned. I didn't even notice it!"
"Because it's not flashing anymore."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I smirked.
Gerard rolled his eyes and grapped a couple of mugs out of the cupboard. He poured the steaming hot coffee into them and handed me one. I took it and sipped it gratefully.
"You're late for school, Lily," Mikey pointed out as he walked into the kitchen, glancing at the clock.
"I'm not going today," I replied. "I'm waiting for news on Mom."
"Oh, that's right, her operation's today," apprehension washed across his face.
"That's today? Wow, we came here at just the right time! We're here for you, Lily," Frank said, referring to himself as well as Ray.
We spent the morning watching movies and eating random food we found in the back of the fridge. I couldn't focus on anything besides the news I was eagerly awaiting and, at the same time, dreading. Gerard kept his arm around me, holding me close and wordlessly comforting me.
To occupy my mind, I decided to cook lunch for everyone. I felt bad that there was no real food for them to eat, and I needed to make up to Ray after he drank some sour milk. I wasn't about to pretend to be a good cook, so I kept the meal simple. The preparation didn't last long enough, and soon my thoughts wandered back to the situation I was in.
I picked at the lettuce salad on my plate and took a bite without really tasting it. Nobody spoke for a long moment, and I knew that they were worried they would say the wrong thing. I wasn't worried that they would let something slip that would hurt me. The guys may not have done well in awkward moments like these, but neither did I. I didn't need them to say the perfect thing to make me feel better, I was just glad that they had made the effort to come.
I had never had friends that would do that for me before. Jill wouldn't have ever believed that the silence was okay, and eventually something would have slipped from her lips to make me feel terrible. Many times she'd known what to say, but she'd never known where to stop. The guys weren't like that.
Frank always knew the perfect time to lighten the damp mood with a joke. Ray was generally quiet, but knew when to say something smart and witty. Mikey was sweet and kind and treated me as though I were family. And then there was Gerard. He was easily the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I loved him more than life itself. At one point that morning, I'd truly believed that no matter how the surgery turned out, I would be fine. Gerard was the only one I needed.
But at the same time, I wasn't ready to let my mom go. No matter how rocky our relationship had been over the years, every girl needs a mother. I still wanted her to be there for things like my graduation, my wedding, and any time I just needed to talk to her.
Ray and Mikey cleaned up the dishes for me, and Gerard and I returned to the couch. I curled up against his side and let my eyes close. I was somewhat relaxed for the first time that day.
And then the phone rang.