Im Your Angel Forever and Always
Gerard Please be alive...
Franks POV
I sit on the floor of my bathroom with a razor in hand.
Slowly I begin to cut cleanly through my wrists getting deeper each time, blood seeps from them as I cringe in agony.
I don’t know why I do this to myself, I don’t know why I'm doing it now, I feel like I have to because of what happened earlier today. I don’t like doing this but now it seems like and addiction that appears to be impossible to overcome.
After I cut a few more times I decide to stop, I couldn’t bare the agony anymore.
(1 hour later)
I lay on my bed with my guitar on my torso humming a tune to myself. I had recently given my guitar a name “Pansy”. After a admirable nickname of myself. I quite liked that name.
But I still couldn’t get over what I did to Gerard I still felt like a worthless piece of shit .
Tomorrow I must go round and talk to Gerard to see if he’s okay, to apologize, to tell him the truth…
Mikeys POV..
“See you later babe” I say to Alicia giving her a big kiss and hug.
“Okay hun see you at school” she replies waving me goodbye as I walk out onto the footpath and head for home.
(15 minutes later)
I arrive home to a cold dark house.
“Gerard are you home” I call.
No answer.
He must be out I think to myself.
I run upstairs to have a shower but I am forced to stop outside of Gerard’s room. I can vaguely see an outline of a dark figure sitting up against the back wall of his room. It doesn’t seem to be moving.
“Oh Fuck” I whisper.
No it cant be, it cant be Gerard, he cant of done it again.
I rush quickly into the room flicking the light switch on as I go.
I gasp in horror as I see Gerard lying helplessly against the wall with 3 empty bottles of vodka at his side. I hurry to Gerards side shaking him forcefully.
“Wakeup Gerard, please wake the fuck up” I scream.
Black rings circle his eyes, his face looks washed out and sick. It makes me sick to see him like this again, after he promised he’d never do it ever.
“Gerard wakeup please” I scream loudly into his ear.
He doesn’t reply, he doesn’t even flinch.
I cry helplessly pulling Gerard into my arms hugging tightly.
“Please god, don’t let him be….” I wimper.
I find it hard to say.
“Please god don’t let him be…dead.”
Gerards POV
I open my eyes faintly.
They feel so heavy, my head feels so sore my hole body aches.
Where was I?
It felt like I had been here before.
I hear a familiar voice in the distance.
“Gerard, Gerard can you hear me” it says.
I nod slowly in agreement as I open my eyes a little wider.
I see 2 recognizable figures hovering above me.
“Gerard its me Dr. Mason” the voice says.
“Mikeys here too” Dr. Masons voice becomes clearer.
“Hey” Mikey says.
“Hey Mikes” I manage to reply.
“Look Gerard, you’ve had another overdose” Dr Mason says.
“This time you nearly died, if it wasn’t for Mikey you would be dead” Dr Mason says.
I nod.
“Hows Frankie” I say attempting to sit up.
“Who?” Dr Mason asks.
“Oh a friend of me and Gerard” Mikey replies.
“He’s fine Gerard, he’s been in quite a few times to visit you” Mikey says.
“But haven’t I only been in here overnight?” I ask.
There's a long pause.
“No Gerard you’ve been in here for 3 months” Dr Mason replies.
“I don’t understand” I say nearly in tears.
“You’ve been in a coma Gerard, you overdosed so much that night and took so much alcohol that your brain couldn’t handle you nearly died” Dr Mason explains.
“Your body couldn’t take all the alcohol and drugs that was inside of you and it almost shut down” he says.
“You’ve been in a coma ever since that night” he says once again.
I break down in tears.
“Will I ever get out of here” I ask.
“Yes you will, once tests have been done your free to go” Dr Mason says.
“But you must never take those pills again” he says.
I nod.
“Well I have to go, and Gerard you may be able to go later today” Dr Mason sayus before leaving me and Mikey alone in the hospital ward.
There's a long silence between us for a while. I think about Frankie, I needed him so much, I wanted him so much, but I knew I couldn’t have him. It felt like I had been deprived from him for so long. I wanted to touch him again. hear his voice again…see him again…
“Mikes, did Frankie tell you what happened?” I ask.
“Yea he told me everything” Mikey replies.
“Okay” I say.
“He’s sorry” Mikey says.
“All right, so you know that I really liked him and everything but he didn’t feel the same way” I say.
“Yea and Gerard, Frank does like you a lot, “ Mikey replies.
I just simply nod.
“Why did you do it?” Mikey says after a long silence.
“Because I felt sorry for myself, I felt guilty, I felt unwanted” I reply.
“But you almost fucking died Gerard, did you not think about that when you did it, did you not think that if you died I would be left here all alone” Mikey says crying.
“I would have been fucking left here, with no one to turn to, no one.” Mikey cries again.
“I'm sorry” I say feeling guilty.
“You don’t understand, when I found you I thought you were dead, gone, you looked so lifeless, do you not know how that made me feel” Mikey cries as tears stream down his face.
“I panicked, I couldn’t stand the fact that my older brother could have been dead, gone forever, I couldn’t bare the fact that you could have left me here with mum and dad” Mikey says.
“I thought id never live again without you, you are who I look up to, you are my reason to keep on living” he cries.
He doesn’t say anything else, he just sits in the chair opposite me crying his eyes out.
“Mikey I'm so sorry, I never thought of it like that, I never even thought I could of nearly died, I'm sorry” I say as tears slowly roll down my face.
“Come here” I say to him stretching my arms out and bringing him into a tight hug.
He jumps on the hospital bed next to me.
I pull him into me closer as I tighten my arms around him.
He cuddles back into me.
I kiss his head and say “I'm sorry” again.
“Okay, but promise to never leave me like that again” he says.
I promise.
I sit on the floor of my bathroom with a razor in hand.
Slowly I begin to cut cleanly through my wrists getting deeper each time, blood seeps from them as I cringe in agony.
I don’t know why I do this to myself, I don’t know why I'm doing it now, I feel like I have to because of what happened earlier today. I don’t like doing this but now it seems like and addiction that appears to be impossible to overcome.
After I cut a few more times I decide to stop, I couldn’t bare the agony anymore.
(1 hour later)
I lay on my bed with my guitar on my torso humming a tune to myself. I had recently given my guitar a name “Pansy”. After a admirable nickname of myself. I quite liked that name.
But I still couldn’t get over what I did to Gerard I still felt like a worthless piece of shit .
Tomorrow I must go round and talk to Gerard to see if he’s okay, to apologize, to tell him the truth…
Mikeys POV..
“See you later babe” I say to Alicia giving her a big kiss and hug.
“Okay hun see you at school” she replies waving me goodbye as I walk out onto the footpath and head for home.
(15 minutes later)
I arrive home to a cold dark house.
“Gerard are you home” I call.
No answer.
He must be out I think to myself.
I run upstairs to have a shower but I am forced to stop outside of Gerard’s room. I can vaguely see an outline of a dark figure sitting up against the back wall of his room. It doesn’t seem to be moving.
“Oh Fuck” I whisper.
No it cant be, it cant be Gerard, he cant of done it again.
I rush quickly into the room flicking the light switch on as I go.
I gasp in horror as I see Gerard lying helplessly against the wall with 3 empty bottles of vodka at his side. I hurry to Gerards side shaking him forcefully.
“Wakeup Gerard, please wake the fuck up” I scream.
Black rings circle his eyes, his face looks washed out and sick. It makes me sick to see him like this again, after he promised he’d never do it ever.
“Gerard wakeup please” I scream loudly into his ear.
He doesn’t reply, he doesn’t even flinch.
I cry helplessly pulling Gerard into my arms hugging tightly.
“Please god, don’t let him be….” I wimper.
I find it hard to say.
“Please god don’t let him be…dead.”
Gerards POV
I open my eyes faintly.
They feel so heavy, my head feels so sore my hole body aches.
Where was I?
It felt like I had been here before.
I hear a familiar voice in the distance.
“Gerard, Gerard can you hear me” it says.
I nod slowly in agreement as I open my eyes a little wider.
I see 2 recognizable figures hovering above me.
“Gerard its me Dr. Mason” the voice says.
“Mikeys here too” Dr. Masons voice becomes clearer.
“Hey” Mikey says.
“Hey Mikes” I manage to reply.
“Look Gerard, you’ve had another overdose” Dr Mason says.
“This time you nearly died, if it wasn’t for Mikey you would be dead” Dr Mason says.
I nod.
“Hows Frankie” I say attempting to sit up.
“Who?” Dr Mason asks.
“Oh a friend of me and Gerard” Mikey replies.
“He’s fine Gerard, he’s been in quite a few times to visit you” Mikey says.
“But haven’t I only been in here overnight?” I ask.
There's a long pause.
“No Gerard you’ve been in here for 3 months” Dr Mason replies.
“I don’t understand” I say nearly in tears.
“You’ve been in a coma Gerard, you overdosed so much that night and took so much alcohol that your brain couldn’t handle you nearly died” Dr Mason explains.
“Your body couldn’t take all the alcohol and drugs that was inside of you and it almost shut down” he says.
“You’ve been in a coma ever since that night” he says once again.
I break down in tears.
“Will I ever get out of here” I ask.
“Yes you will, once tests have been done your free to go” Dr Mason says.
“But you must never take those pills again” he says.
I nod.
“Well I have to go, and Gerard you may be able to go later today” Dr Mason sayus before leaving me and Mikey alone in the hospital ward.
There's a long silence between us for a while. I think about Frankie, I needed him so much, I wanted him so much, but I knew I couldn’t have him. It felt like I had been deprived from him for so long. I wanted to touch him again. hear his voice again…see him again…
“Mikes, did Frankie tell you what happened?” I ask.
“Yea he told me everything” Mikey replies.
“Okay” I say.
“He’s sorry” Mikey says.
“All right, so you know that I really liked him and everything but he didn’t feel the same way” I say.
“Yea and Gerard, Frank does like you a lot, “ Mikey replies.
I just simply nod.
“Why did you do it?” Mikey says after a long silence.
“Because I felt sorry for myself, I felt guilty, I felt unwanted” I reply.
“But you almost fucking died Gerard, did you not think about that when you did it, did you not think that if you died I would be left here all alone” Mikey says crying.
“I would have been fucking left here, with no one to turn to, no one.” Mikey cries again.
“I'm sorry” I say feeling guilty.
“You don’t understand, when I found you I thought you were dead, gone, you looked so lifeless, do you not know how that made me feel” Mikey cries as tears stream down his face.
“I panicked, I couldn’t stand the fact that my older brother could have been dead, gone forever, I couldn’t bare the fact that you could have left me here with mum and dad” Mikey says.
“I thought id never live again without you, you are who I look up to, you are my reason to keep on living” he cries.
He doesn’t say anything else, he just sits in the chair opposite me crying his eyes out.
“Mikey I'm so sorry, I never thought of it like that, I never even thought I could of nearly died, I'm sorry” I say as tears slowly roll down my face.
“Come here” I say to him stretching my arms out and bringing him into a tight hug.
He jumps on the hospital bed next to me.
I pull him into me closer as I tighten my arms around him.
He cuddles back into me.
I kiss his head and say “I'm sorry” again.
“Okay, but promise to never leave me like that again” he says.
I promise.