Killing Jar

I resumed recording with my band the next day. I didn't see anyone else, which was good. I focused as much of my energy as I could on my music to distract myself from the fact that tomorrow was Ryan's last day.

When I went to my apartment that night, I sat on my couch, crying. It's all I could do. I didn't want tomorrow to happen. But I knew it was inevitable.

I wasn't going to go to the studio on Ryan's last day, but I changed my mind. I didn't want to sit in my apartment and think about what was going to happen. My band had offered a good distraction yesterday. I ran into Brendon as I headed toward where my band and I were recording.

"Can I talk to you?" Brendon said.

"Now's not a good time," I said. "My band's waiting."

"What about tonight?" he asked.

"It's also not good time," I said. Brendon sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Fine," he said. "I'll just talk to you when you have time."

He walked passed me and I continued to where my band was, wondering what Brendon seemed to want to talk about so bad.

When I was done at the studio, I had no choice but to go home. I sighed loudly as I closed the door of my apartment behind me and leaned against it. I wish that their was some way that I could change what had to happen tonight. But I knew there wasn't any way to change it. It was going to happen, and I just had to accept that. I sighed again. Who was I kidding? I couldn't accept this. I loved Ryan. I can feel my heart shredding slowly and painfully into so many smaller pieces when I think of the fact that I have to kill the man that I love.

I stepped away from the door and went over to my couch. I sat down and then ended up laying down. A tear slid out of my eye as I stared straight ahead. I truly hated who I was.

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I sat up quickly, looking around me groggily. I looked at the clock. 11:55 p.m. I groaned. Five more minutes. I wiped at my eyes and leaned back on the couch.

I jumped suddenly when I heard a loud knock on the door. I looked at the clock again. 11:56. Who was coming to see me now? I knew it wasn't my dad. He always showed up exactly at 12 when he visited, no matter what. I got up and went to the door. I could have burst into tears when I saw who it was. Ryan. I could tell he had been drinking too. I could smell it.

"Ava," he slurred, slightly. He wasn't extremely drunk, but he was pretty close.

"What are you doing here, Ryan?" I asked, glancing at the clock nervously.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"Ryan," I said. He shook his head, and when he looked at me, he looked pained. Sad.

"I love you so much," he said. "I need you to know that. I love you so fucking much. So much. I would do anything to have you back again."

I couldn't help it, I let the tears flow from my eyes. Ryan looked even more pained, and reached out a hand to wipe some of my tears away.

"I'm sorry that I made you cry," he said, frowning. I looked at the clock. 11:58. I leaned forward, and kissed Ryan quickly. His hands went to my waist immediately and he pushed us into my apartment, the door closing behind me. I tangled my fingers in his hair. I continued to cry as Ryan slipped his tongue into my mouth. I broke away for a second to let out a sob, before placing my lips back to his hungrily. But I could feel myself growing stronger. Deadlier. I needed to stop this. I knew there wasn't much time left. I pulled away, and shoved Ryan from me. He stumbled backwards and stared at me in surprised. I backed away from him. I looked at the clock. 11:59.

"You have to go, Ryan," I said. I started to shake.

"But--," he said, taking a step closer.

"Please," I choked out. "Please leave Ryan. I love you, but I need you to leave."

I collapsed on the floor. I looked at the clock. 12:00. My breathing started to become heavy. I was trying to control my transformation. Trying to hold it off. Ryan knelt down.

"Ava?" he said, I saw his hand coming towards me.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled. His hand shot back. I was sobbing now. I didn't know how much longer I could hold myself back.

"Ava, are you alright?" Ryan asked. I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. I was too concentrated on myself. The monster inside of me. My whole body ached from trying to hold back. Breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, and I could feel myself starting to sweat.

"Ava," Ryan said. I heard him stand up. I had to kill him. No. I have to do it now. NO! I shuddered violently. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I felt myself transforming. I was weak. I tried. I love you Ryan.