Me, Myself and I.
Fat.
Well, for all my life I've been fat. Everyone says that I'm not - but I am. The docter says I'm average fore my height - but I am still fatter then all the other people in my class.
They're all sporty, thin and attractive; and you can't help but to want to be like them. They're total bitches but I want to be that attractive and thin.
I realise that just wanting to be thin is no good. You actually have to work to acheive that - and I have been trying. I eat only the things that my mum gives me and its all healthy and good for you. But sometimes I lapse. Everybody does - but it gets me down so badly - and do you know what I do when something gets me down? I eat. When I do that I try to eat healthy things, but it's just so hard.
Weight has always been a problem for me, especially at school. So-called friends call me fat; horrible preppy, thin popular people call me fat; my mum calls me fat. So I try to eat things which will help my weight loss, and in the three weeks doing this I have lost 7lbs - but its not enough and still people taunt me with the word 'fat', just because I am bigger than them.
My mum and dad say that bigness runs in our family. Everyone is fat. My mum, my dad, my brother, my 3 sisters and all my aunts and uncles. So I could blame it on them.
Medication also helps with weight gain, such as anti-deppressants, oral contraceptives and antihistamines. I have taken the antihistamines twice a day for two whole years. That was when I had started getting bigger. So I could blame it on them.
But I shan't. I shall not blame it on anyone or anything other than myself for being as bif as I am. But I can't help it. Everything that gets me down - like this - needs to be met with something that I can eat. And recently this has been getting worse.
I have tried eating nothing except healthy, nutritious stuff and that worked for a while - but then I get the cravings and I can't stop myself.
I've even tried eating nothing, but I could only manage two days until I had to eat again, and I didn't lose anything.
I am now 13st and 5lbs (originally being 14st), and am continuing to lose more and more weight, even though i am still eating occasional peices of junk in one of my lapses.
I lapsed today and bought a Heaven chocolate bar (a normal sized one) and I ate half of it, and being so disgusted at what I had done, I couldn't bring myself to eat the rest, so I put it away for the next time, although I was determined that there never would be a next time.
Mum found the other half. She was disgusted by what she found, as I was by what I had done.
She yelled and said I had a serious problem - and I do.
Now I sit here crying as I write this, thinking about the skinny girls at my school, and I ask myself 'Why can't I be like them? Why can't I get thin? Why am I what I am - fat?'
I wish I wasn't here.
They're all sporty, thin and attractive; and you can't help but to want to be like them. They're total bitches but I want to be that attractive and thin.
I realise that just wanting to be thin is no good. You actually have to work to acheive that - and I have been trying. I eat only the things that my mum gives me and its all healthy and good for you. But sometimes I lapse. Everybody does - but it gets me down so badly - and do you know what I do when something gets me down? I eat. When I do that I try to eat healthy things, but it's just so hard.
Weight has always been a problem for me, especially at school. So-called friends call me fat; horrible preppy, thin popular people call me fat; my mum calls me fat. So I try to eat things which will help my weight loss, and in the three weeks doing this I have lost 7lbs - but its not enough and still people taunt me with the word 'fat', just because I am bigger than them.
My mum and dad say that bigness runs in our family. Everyone is fat. My mum, my dad, my brother, my 3 sisters and all my aunts and uncles. So I could blame it on them.
Medication also helps with weight gain, such as anti-deppressants, oral contraceptives and antihistamines. I have taken the antihistamines twice a day for two whole years. That was when I had started getting bigger. So I could blame it on them.
But I shan't. I shall not blame it on anyone or anything other than myself for being as bif as I am. But I can't help it. Everything that gets me down - like this - needs to be met with something that I can eat. And recently this has been getting worse.
I have tried eating nothing except healthy, nutritious stuff and that worked for a while - but then I get the cravings and I can't stop myself.
I've even tried eating nothing, but I could only manage two days until I had to eat again, and I didn't lose anything.
I am now 13st and 5lbs (originally being 14st), and am continuing to lose more and more weight, even though i am still eating occasional peices of junk in one of my lapses.
I lapsed today and bought a Heaven chocolate bar (a normal sized one) and I ate half of it, and being so disgusted at what I had done, I couldn't bring myself to eat the rest, so I put it away for the next time, although I was determined that there never would be a next time.
Mum found the other half. She was disgusted by what she found, as I was by what I had done.
She yelled and said I had a serious problem - and I do.
Now I sit here crying as I write this, thinking about the skinny girls at my school, and I ask myself 'Why can't I be like them? Why can't I get thin? Why am I what I am - fat?'
I wish I wasn't here.