Love Is Watching Someone Die

“Gerard? Where are you?” Mikey, his little brother called out, his voice echoing through the vacant house. “Gee? Where’d you go?” he sighed, heading downstairs to the basement. “You in there?” He banged on the old wooden door, stickers, various signs and drawings scrawled on it.

“What do you want Mikes?” Gerard huffed, busy at his desk, pencil crayons, markers, paint and paper all over the place, lining the table, his bed and floor. He was an artist, and a young one at that. Only eighteen years old, most wouldn’t considered him a prodigy, if he had ever shown his creations to the world. Being an introvert, he never said much and was always known as that strange kid with long hair and chalky skin, due to almost zero exposure to sunlight. A small window in his room, which was covered most of the time, was basically the only light he’d gotten.

“Frank called.” Gerard’s eyes then lit up. Frank was Gerard’s best friend, as well as Mikey’s. He had known them for a long time, and believe it or not, this was because of church. Finally, the boys realized that going to mass every Sunday with their parents was good for something. They’d become close due to the constant meetings held at each other’s houses for various Bible study groups and such that they were forced to go to. None of them were really strong believers, but they knew someone was up there for them, and when they were in trouble, they could turn to Him. “He wanted to come over and I said okay. Is that cool with you?”

“Yeah, that’s great.” A soft reply came from beyond the door. “Get him to come into my room or something.” Gerard began to clean up his art stuff, piling papers neatly and fixing boxes. Fumbling with everything else, he wanted to make sure things were perfect when Frank came over. He never knew why he got so nervous around the younger boy, but he did. They were best friends, and it’s not like stupid things hadn’t been said or done before. It wasn’t even the least bit awkward between them, at least, not yet.

Mikey heard the doorbell ring a couple of times, which Frank usually did. It was just his thing when he came to people’s houses. “Hey Mikey,” he smiled warmly and gave him a hug. Frank and Mikey were both in the same grade at high school, juniors, while Gerard was a senior. No one really noticed the age difference though, since they were so close. “Where’s Gerard?”

“He’s locked up in his room, as usual. He wanted you to meet him there or something.” Mikey was okay that Frank liked to hang out with Gerard more, mainly because they didn’t see each other as much. Mikey saw Frank every single day, so it wasn’t much of a difference.

“Okay, thanks dude.” Frank made his way to Gerard’s bedroom, and knocked a certain pattern on the door. Kicking it, it flew open and Gerard sat on his bed, reading a Batman comic book. “Damn am I glad that I know that secret.” He smiled, and Gerard smiled back, inviting him to sit on the bed against the wall. “Batman again?”

“Yeah, I know you’ve read this one though.” Gerard never said much, so it was Frank’s job to keep a conversation running if necessary.

“What’ve you been up to lately?”

“Oh, you know. Homework, college forms, stress, coffee, music, drawing. Just the usual shit.” He said casually, flipping the colorful page.

“Drawing? I thought you gave up on that…”

“Did I say that out loud? My mistake then.” Gerard tried to cover.

“Gerard, you know you shouldn’t be ashamed of your artwork. Mikey showed me your old sketchbooks, and it’s amazing.” Frank’s hand accidentally rested on Gerard’s thigh, causing a surge of electricity between them, making Gerard jump. “Um, sorry.” Frank’s cheeks appeared a peachy-red color, looking down at his legs.

“I-It’s okay.” He sighed. “And how on earth did Mikey find those? I told him I burned them a long time ago.”

“He’s your brother, how am I supposed to know?”

“That’s very true.” Gerard breathed deeply, inhaling the scent Frank brought with him. It was sweet with cologne and watermelons from his shampoo. It was his favorite smell on earth, and only Frank possessed it. He rested his head on Frank’s shoulder, which he really didn’t mind anymore since it was a common occurrence, especially because they were prone to falling asleep on each other while watching movies and lounging on the couch.

“Gerard?” Frank whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” he asked this sensitively, as Gerard suffered from depression. He needed to check up on him once and a while, and well, once in a while had come.

“I’m okay Frankie,” he let a smile emerge from his lips and lifted his head, looking at Frank’s sparkling, hazel eyes. “Why?”

“I’m just seeing how you are, that’s all. You’re my best friend, I can’t just leave you be you know. I hate seeing you sad.” He answered honestly. It crushed Frank’s heart to see Gerard in a state that he couldn’t help or fix. He knew that once Gerard was dejected, he detached himself from the world, and almost no one could help him.

“Thanks Frankie. You’re my best friend too, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He allowed himself to collapse in Frank’s strong arms, stroking his hair. Frank constantly thought of Gerard as more than a friend though. He’d wish it would happen sooner, but he was always waiting for Gerard to realize it. He knew that the time may never come, but he just had to keep the faith and pray that Gerard would see that Frank really did love him. He was too scared to take the risk and say those three little words that might change everything. “You want to go watch a movie in the living room?” Gerard proposed.

“Mmm, yeah. I’d love to.” Gerard, leading him out of the room and to the couch on the main floor, pulled his arm. Mikey had disappeared into his room, probably to call his girlfriend Alicia so they could go out on a much needed date.

“Let’s watch something you like today ‘cause we watched Superman last time. You pick.”

“The Nightmare Before Christmas!” He exclaimed as Gerard pulled out the box. “After all, Christmas is in only 34 days!”

“Wow, you’re already counting?”

“Yeah, I love Christmas.” Frank laughed an adorable, high squeal.

The movie was popped into the VCR and they settled in on the couch under large, thick, black blankets. Frank’s head rested on Gerard’s side and he smiled seeing this movie. Being born on Halloween, Frank was often thought as “the scariest child around” and he could relate to Jack Skellington, being the “scariest being in the world.” They just sat there together, curled up with each other, watching the animations flash by on the screen. Gerard finally spoke when the movie was nearing the end, with the tender moment between Jack and Sally. “They were really meant to be together weren’t they?”

“Yeah, it’s amazing.”
“You think you’ll ever find anyone like that in your life?” Gerard mumbled, playing with a strand of Frank’s black-brown hair.

“I think I have…” He said so that it was barely audible.

“What was that?”

“N-Nothing Gee.”

“No, Frankie, tell me. Please.” Frank always found it hard to lie or say no to Gerard, yet, he had so many secrets that he desperately wished he could just tell him, and this was one of them.

“I-I think I already have.” He spoke louder this time, changing his position beside Gerard so he could look at Gerard’s reaction.

“Who is it… if you don’t mind me asking?” Gerard was now almost whispering into Frank’s ear, sending a slight chill down Frank’s body.

“It’s…” Frank paused. He wasn’t sure he was ready to go through with this and tell his best friend that he actually felt something more.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me…” Gerard exhaled.

“No, I want to tell you, but promise you won’t freak or anything.” Frank was actually going to do it. He sucked it up, and decided he might as well go through with it, because bottling it up wasn’t doing any good.

“I promise Frankie. I’d never do that to you.” Honestly, Gerard was hoping Frank would say that it was he.

“You, Gerard Way.” Frank’s head slumped down into the fleece covering his lower body, not wanting to make things awkward with Gerard.

“Frankie, look at me.” He lifted the shorter boy’s chin as tear stained cheeks reflected off the gray-white natural light. “Why are you crying?”

“Because…” he sniffed, “I didn’t know what you were going to say.”

“Oh Frankie… you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to tell you that I’ve always loved you.” Gerard tried to smile at him, forcing an almost instant reaction from Frank’s own face.

“R-Really?” he stuttered.

“Yeah. I love you.”

“Gerard, I love you too.” Frank said and heard those words that would make him the happiest he’d ever been.

“How long have you known?”

“Since the day I met you. I know it sounds so corny… but I knew you were different. I mean, Mikey seemed nice, but there was something about you that really got my attention. You’re special to me in so many ways.”

“Frankie, I don’t know what to say. I mean, you’re one of my only friends, and well… are we boyfriends now or something?” Gerard was slightly confused.

“If you want to… I mean we don’t have to.”

“But I do.”

“Okay. Hi boyfriend.” Frank giggled like a teenage girl.

“Well at least I’m playing the man in this relationship.”

“Nuh-uh!” The whining began.

This all eventually led to a massive pillow fight and Mikey stopping at the entrance, staring at them like they were insane. “Well ladies, I’m going to dinner with Alicia. See you Monday Frank and I’ll be home late Gee.” He waved and the other two boys smiled, and then broke out into laughter, rolling on the sofa and floor.

“Gerard, you’re crazy.” Frank commented.

“Oh, well I’m sure you’re the sane one.”

“Shut up.”

“You just suck at comebacks, admit it Iero.” Gerard picked him up from the floor as well as a few pillows and the blanket.

“Does us being together change anything?” Frank asked innocently after that as Gerard turned back on the TV.

“Only if you think it does. We’re still friends, just remember that. Even if this doesn’t work out, you’re still going to be my best friend.” Gerard put his arm around Frank’s shoulder, pulling up the blanket again.

“Gee, why do you love me?”

“Because Frankie, just because.” He laughed and shrugged.

“That’s not a valid answer.”

“Because you’re you. Your personality, your smile, your laugh, everything about you.” Gerard knew he could go on forever listing why he loved the boy who was in his arms.

“You wanna know why I love you?” he smiled, paused, and continued without Gerard having to say a word, “Because you understand me. You’re not like everyone else who judges me before hand and says I’m going to be ‘bad news.’ I love you because you’re Gerard, who’s my best friend, boyfriend, and probably my savior.”

“Your ‘savior?’” Gerard raised one eyebrow at him.

“Yeah. Mostly from boredom at those stupid bible study groups, but I know you will be, for real.”

“How do you know that?” Gerard wanted to know why Frank thought all this. It made no sense to him whatsoever, but obviously, Frank knew why.

“I just do. I can’t explain it.”

“Frankie…” Gerard breathed slowly, taking his time, not knowing whether it was okay, “D-Do you want to um, maybe, like… stay the night?”

“With you?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“Gerard!” he screamed, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck, “I’d love to! Of course!”

“Won’t your mom be worried about you though?” Frank lived with his mother, because his parents divorced when he was six. Since then, he’d usually spend the summer with his dad over in Newark.

“I’ll give her a call, she probably won’t ‘cause it’s here at your house.” He grinned, grabbing the cordless phone from the other side of the couch. He quickly dialed the number of his mother’s cell phone and spoke quickly. “Hey mom, you mind if I stay at Gerard and Mikey’s for the weekend?” Gerard heard mumbling at the other end, “Okay, yeah sure. No problem. Bye! Thank you!” He pressed the off button and then looked at Gerard. “I can stay!”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, as long as your parents are okay with it, it’s fine with her. She told us to have fun.” Frank winked suggestively, but Gerard didn’t exactly catch it.

“They don’t really care that much. They barely see me anyways.”

“What? We’re just going to hide in your bedroom until Monday comes? That’s your idea of fun with me?” Frank pouted.

“No silly. We’ll go places. Get coffee, go to the park, whatever.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Glad to hear it, but I think it’s getting late.” He gestured towards the darkness of the sky beyond the window.

Suddenly, Frank yawned loudly. “Me too…”

“You need to shower or anything?” Gerard told him he could use whatever he wanted.

“No, it’s fine. Maybe just change clothes and wash my face.”

“Oh, okay. Help yourself to anything in my drawers, and I’m sorry if they don’t fit you, but I don’t think Mikey’s stuff will be any better.” There was a small awkward pause, “Well, I’m going to shower. Just head downstairs whenever.”

“Sure.” Frank nodded, also getting up from his position with Gerard. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, letting the blanket fall on the floor again. He picked it up, threw it over his shoulder and went into Gerard’s room to raid his drawers. He opened the dresser, going from top to bottom. He was a bit embarrassed to tell Gerard that he did in fact just sleep in his boxer shorts, or in a pair of sleep bottoms, so he grabbed some gray sweatpants and a t-shirt, letting his jeans drop to the floor. He sighed and slipped out and into the new shirt, but decided to put back the pants. He knew he didn’t really need them, and it would just be extra work. He folded his clothes and put them on the desk chair, then relaxing on Gerard’s bed, opening the forgotten comic book, re-reading the pages.

“Hi Frankie.” Frank’s heart skipped a beat. “Sorry if I scared you.” Gerard started to rummage through the drawer, getting some clothes over his towel-wrapped body. Frank tried not to stare at Gerard’s pale, slim figure, but he couldn’t help it. His arm muscles were defined, his skin was creamy white and god, he had abs to die for. Frank blushed a bit when Gerard gave him a funny stare, sitting next to him, clad in pajama bottoms and a band t-shirt. “You tired?”

“Kind of.”

“Hey, you wanna play some guitar?” Gerard offered knowing Frank loved to.

“You have a guitar?” Frank eyes lightened.

“Yeah, I don’t play and it probably needs tuning, but you can give it a try.” Gerard stood up and took a case from the far corner of the room and unlatched it, revealing a shiny black acoustic guitar. It looked like it had never been played before as he slipped it into Frank’s calloused hands.

“It’s beautiful.” Frank remarked, trying to tune it by ear. Frank was actually really good at guitar, but like Gerard’s artistic talent, almost no one knew about it. Gerard sat cross-legged near Frank, watching him play a little tune. “You want me to play something for you?”

“Um… I don’t know. Can you play ‘Twinkle Little Star?’” Gerard just wanted to hear Frank play, anything.

“Yeah, I’ll give it a shot.” He strummed a few chords, and then started to create a rhythm. Gerard listened to the music, and swayed back and forth. Suddenly, he just felt like he wanted to sing.

“…How I wonder what you are,” he started to sing softly. “Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky…”

Frank stopped strumming and stared into Gerard’s eyes. “Gee, that was amazing. I didn’t know you could sing.”

Gerard rubbed his head, “I don’t sing…”

“But you’re so good at it.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to… not since Elena died.” Elena was Gerard grandmother who was extremely close to the family. She taught Gerard so many things when he was a child, and losing her was one of the hardest things they’d have to overcome.

“Gerard…” Frank put down the guitar and rubbed a circle into Gerard’s thigh, making him squirm a little bit, “You shouldn’t hide it. If you’re good at something you need to show people that you are.”

“But Frankie, I don’t want to. People will just laugh at me.”

“No they won’t. I promise.” Letting out a yawn, Frank placed the guitar back in the case. “I’m tired… can we sleep please?”

“Yeah, sure.” The boys obviously didn’t mind sharing a bed and being so close to each other. In fact, this was probably a bonus. No one had to know that they were romantically linked, because both families knew that they were the best of friends. Gerard tugged at the sheets and arranged pillows so it would be comfortable for both of them.

“Hey Gee…”

“Yeah?” He was just starting to settle in.

“D-Do you mind if I um… take my shirt off? Y’know… just to bed?” Frank blushed beet red.

“No, go ahead.” Gerard licked his lips subconsciously, wanting to see Frank’s body. Better yet, he wanted to feel him and taste him even more. Just the thought was making Gerard a little bit hard.

Frank slid the shirt off his shoulders, exposing tan skin with muscles. Gerard stared and his mouth watered a little bit, but he snapped back into it when Frank asked, “You okay dude?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Gerard sighed, settling back into the comforter. Frank slipped into his arms and Gerard rested his hands on Frank’s abdomen, feeling the muscle and softness of his skin. Frank didn’t seem to mind, but he actually liked it.

He turned around so he was now facing Gerard, and asked, “C-Can I kiss you Gerard?”
“W-What?” He wasn’t ready for that question, and he thought that Frank would just be forward enough to do it.

“Is that a no?” Frank looked like he was about to cry, until soft, chapped lips pressed against his own tenderly, slowly. Both of their eyes closed, and they were left to their senses. Frank hands managed their way into Gerard’s hair and Gerard’s hands roamed Frank’s midsection. They worked their lips together perfectly; even though this was Gerard’s first ever time kissing anyone. Frank had a little more experience with some girls he’d dated before, but never had he felt such passion and love for anyone else. Gerard was so much better than any girl he’d ever been with.

The two broke apart at the same time and lay together in silence, still with legs entwined and arms wrapped. Gerard breathed in Frank’s scent, and vice versa. Frank was so happy, as was Gerard. Slowly, they forgot about the world and drifted off into a peaceful, undisturbed sleep, still in each other’s arms.