Love Is Watching Someone Die

School, oh Lord. Frank thought to himself as he got up from bed on the Monday morning. He was going to meet Gerard and Mikey after school to go to some new comic shop that Gerard had heard about. He was damn excited for it, and wanted to buy Gerard something nice, despite the little money he had. A new comic book or something could be what he needed. Frank grabbed a pair of ripped jeans and a tight, white, v-neck t-shirt and popped a hoodie over top. Tripping, trying to put on his Etnies, he almost fell down the entire flight of stairs. He sighed, knowing is mother was already gone. He grabbed a granola bar from the counter, his keys and locked up the house.

Walking down the street, the air was cool and crisp, stinging his ears and nose slightly, so he put his hood up. He walked with his head down and nothing really seemed to bother him. He could see his breath in the air as he inhaled and exhaled. He couldn’t help but wonder how much damage Jack had done already to ruin him, and when he would die. Homophobia would be the end of him, because of parents, friends, teachers, administration, and everything else. It was awful, but he couldn’t help it.

Gerard was tossing and turning all night, unable to sleep at all. He had so much on his mind. The voices were getting clearer, and were starting to overtake his own, his love making with Frank that Friday, the evil that Jack the prick was, his coming out to Mikey, how he never really knew who he was. Tears slipped down his cheeks and onto the pillows, and he suddenly felt nauseated. His stomach turned and flipped and his head started to ache. He never felt so awful in his life. He groaned, getting up as the world was shaking, spinning and upside down. He grabbed onto dressers, desks, and anything he could to make it standing to the door. He opened it, and saw Mikey standing in front of him.

“Gerard, you look awful.” He said, noticing Gerard looked a little bit green.

“I feel awful Mikey. I’m not going to school. Get mom to call them or something, I’ll be back in bed.” Groaning, he tumbled back to the warmth and comfort of his bed. He pulled the sheets over his head and cried silently, hoping the pain would finally go away. He cried himself to sleep slowly, trying to ignore his aches and pains.

“Gee. You don’t have to go. Just rest.” Mikey said through the door, as he left with his mother so he wouldn’t be late for school.

Gerard dreams were filled with images of blood stained walls and Frank’s face, his figure. Lying on the floor, bruised, battered beyond belief. Frank was still speaking to him, telling him to be strong, even without him. A nightmare, more than a dream really. “Frank! No! You’re not dying. You’ll make it through, I promise,” he cried desperately, watching the love of his life slowly have the life taken from him. He dialed 9-1-1 as fast as he could, describing the situation, but they hung up on him once he said, “boyfriend.” He cried there, not knowing what to do. Frank’s hand held his, squeezing with as much force as he could muster. “Frankie baby… don’t die. Don’t close your eyes, keep breathing. I’m so sorry.” Frank mumbled that it wasn’t Gerard’s fault, and that he should be strong. Little did Gerard know, it wasn’t a dream.

“Shut up faggot!” Jack’s voice rang clearly in Frank’s head as he was pushed around in a circle of his so-called friends.

“Die you bastard. You don’t deserve to live.” A small pocketknife slashed Frank’s sides through the thin cotton t-shirt he wore.

“Go get fucked up the ass.” Another person punched him hard in the stomach.

Someone twisted Frank’s arms backward, and he felt a crack. He knew something now was broken and he screamed in pain, only to have his mouth covered, so that he could barely breathe.

One boy slipped a hand up Frank’s shirt, scratching him with sharp nails, “You like that don’t you, princess?” Snarls and hisses came from every direction, and Frank had no idea what to do. He was in so much pain; he was bleeding and saw it drip to the floor. His head spun uncontrollably and he wanted Gerard. He knew he would die now, and he wanted Gerard to be the last person he ever saw and smiled at. He wanted to tell Gerard that things would be okay, even when he wasn’t around. Frank just wanted to have Gerard with him.

“Stop.” The familiar voice of Jack commanded. “I want to finish him off myself.”

“No!” Frank didn’t know where the voice came from.

“Oh look, it’s Mikey fucking Way. Here to defend your boyfriend?” Jack looked like he would really kill Frank now.

“No, I’m doing what’s fucking right you son of a bitch. Leave Frank alone, and we can settle this once and for all. I didn’t mean to beat you out for captain, and there’s always going to be next year, but since you did this, I doubt it.” Mikey was determined to get Frank out of there alive. He had already gotten Alicia to call 9-1-1 and alert the authorities while he tried to calm the situation down.

“Fuck you! I’m going to kill him, and that’s that!” Jack took out a knife, a long, kitchen knife, and held Frank up by the shirt. Mikey trembled, praying Alicia and the police and ambulance would get there in time.

Frank mouthed, “help me,” but the knife was dangerously close to Frank’s neck, ready to kill him and anytime. Already bleeding a lot from the head, arms and knees, Mikey wasn’t sure how bad that extent of the damage was. Even if he did get Frank out alive, how would he tell his brother at home, who was sick in bed, worrying?

“Mikey!” a shrill voice came from the school doors, along with the principal and vice principal.

“Alicia! Hurry!” He pleaded as the knife was slid along Frank’s neck, but very shallow, just so a little blood trickled down the knife and on his neck. It was pure torture for Frank, his whole body ached and nothing was straight anymore. Mikey gave him a pleading look to hang in there, but then the blaring sirens of several police cars and ambulance came.

“Jack Tyson.” A firm voice scolded him, which was that of he principal, Mr. Campbell. “Drop the weapon, and Frank Iero, now.”

He did as he was told, and Frank was reduced to mess on the cement. He bled all over, and was barely able to move as the paramedics carried him up onto a stretcher. Mikey told Alicia to go with Frank in the ambulance, and that he’d join them at the hospital later. The doors slammed and the sirens went off again, taking Frank away.

“Michael, you were lucky that we got here in time.” The principal sighed, “I think Mr. Iero should be alright… but as for the boys here,” they were all being put into handcuffs and brought to the office, “I don’t think they’ll be much better off. Come to the office with me please, Ms. Kay and I would like to speak with you alone.”

“O-Okay…” Mikey mumbled, following them, ignoring the scowls and stares of the boys behind him.

They stepped into the gray and white office of the school, with maple hardwood floor that clacked when they stepped over it, and more so with high heels. Mikey tried to straighten his clothes, feeling slightly out of place because everyone looked so professional. They led him into a brightly lit office with light blue walls and grayish carpeting. They had a white sofa and a nice big, black desk in the middle, with four leather chairs, two on each side. A large window was overlooking the field of the school. Both Ms. Kay and Mr. Campbell sat beside each other behind the desk, when Mikey awkwardly sat in one of the chairs.

“First of all, we’d like to thank you Mikey for coming in.” Ms. Kay started with a smile.

“I-It was no problem.” Mikey replied shyly.

“You mind if we ask you a few questions about what happened today?”

“Um, sure. Go ahead.” He wanted the bastards who did that to Frank to rot in jail and in hell.

“So, how did you know this would happen and how were you able to get Alicia Simmons to reach us?” Mr. Campbell said in his stern voice.

“Well… uh, last weekend… Frank came to my house for a Bible study group along with Jack… and of course my brother Gerard was there,” Mikey paused, “so since Frank and Gerard were there, they decided to tell me something. A-And… that was… that…” Mikey was having a hard time saying it out loud to them.

“Go on Mikey, it’s all right,” Ms. Kay tried to soothe him into it.

“That Frank and my brother… are dating…” Mikey sighed, “They really love each other, I know they do, but it’s just unfair that since they’re different from everyone else they should be treated like scum.” Tears flowed down his face, “Jack must have over heard our conversation or something, and Gerard told me that Jack was blackmailing Frank.”

“Are you saying that Frank is homosexual Michael?” Mr. Campbell asked calmly.

“Y-yes… and I think this whole thing was just a hate crime.”

“It was indeed. You might need to get questioned by the police further though, so please just tell them everything you’ve told us. I’m sorry a student like you had to get mixed into this huge mess.”

“No, Frank is one of my best friends, and I owe it to him.”

“Thank you so much Mr. Way.” Ms. Kay escorted him out the door, “You can go home if you’d like. I’ll notify the teachers.”

Mikey tried to smile, “Thanks.” He ended up skipping the rest of the day, text messaging Ray Toro to get Gerard’s homework and a ride home.

The bell rang and Ray found Mikey sitting on the front steps, “Hey Mikey,” he handed him a huge stack of books and paper, “this is all Gerard’s stuff.”

He sighed softly, “Thanks.”

“Dude, what’s wrong?”

“I-I don’t know how to tell Gee about Frank.” Mikey had already explained the entire story through extensive text messaging. “He’ll blame himself for not being there, and then, oh god. If Frank dies, then Gerard… I don’t want to lose them,” he started to sob.

Ray and Mikey walked to the car, “Things are gonna get better okay? I can drive you and Gerard to the hospital to visit Frank sometime, and he’s not going to die.”

“Thanks Ray… it means a lot.”

“I’m always here for you guys okay?” Ray was always the caring, straightforward type, never being too quick to judge and having common sense.

“Yeah, I know.” Mikey smiled as he was dropped off at the house.

“You want me to come down for a bit and help… with the whole situation. Gerard might do something stupid.” Offering, Mikey nodded, not wanting to go through this alone.

He opened the door and found Gerard lying under the black blanket on the couch, watching A Nightmare Before Christmas. Mikey also knew that it was Frank’s favorite movie, and Gerard must’ve known something already. “Hi Gerard,” Mikey whispered coming in.

“Hey Gerard.” Ray called.

“Oh, hi guys,” he yawned and sat up.

“You feeling better?” Mikey asked.

“I-I guess… where’s Frank? I told him to meet here.”

“Oh, uh.” Mikey stumbled over his words, “F-Frank…”

“Gerard, promise you won’t do anything stupid.” Ray sat on one of the love seats.

“Yeah, cause well…”

“What the fuck happened?” Gerard’s eyes went wide.

“God… I don’t know how to tell you.” Mikey sighed.

“What happened to Frank?” he demanded.

“Um, he’s in hospital.”

“W-What…?” Gerard’s voice started to shake.

“Some kids at school beat him up,” Ray added.

“Jack… and his homophobic friends.” Mikey sighed, putting his arm around Gerard.

“Fuck! We need to get to that hospital! I need to see him! Now!” Gerard’s voice became stern and urgent, wanting to know if his nightmare was a reality.

“Gerard, cool it.” Ray said.

“No! I need to fucking see him. I need to know if he’s alive!”

“I’ll call Alicia.” Mikey suggested, taking out his cell phone. The phone rang and rang, until there was an answer.

“Hello?” she asked kindly.

“Hey babe, it’s me.” Mikey said softly.

“Oh, hi Mikes. How’s everyone holding up on your end?”

“Um, could be better. How’s everything there?”

“Linda just came by, crying her eyes out. I feel so bad for her cause you could tell how much she loves Frankie. I’m kind of tired, but holding up.”

“How’s Frank?”

“H-He’s pretty bad. His left shoulder got dislocated, his right arm is broken, and he’s got a lot of bruises and lost a lot of blood. Also the slash marks don’t look so good…” she sighed.

“Is he alive?”

“Yeah, he’s fine, but he hasn’t woken up yet. They’re afraid he’s in a coma. He’s breathing with the help of a machine, but his heart rate is steady. They said he’s stable, so he’ll make it.”

“Any brain damage?” When Gerard heard Mikey asked that, he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Nothing else so far… But they said they gave him a blood transfusion, so he’s been replenished of all that stuff he lost… but I think I should go home. My dad will go crazy if I’m home later than six,” she replied.

“Okay, I guess we’ll visit him tomorrow.”

“Yeah, bye Mikes. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” she made a kissing noise on the phone and hung up.

“H-How is he?” Gerard asked, shaking as Ray tired to comfort him.

“He’s stable, broken arm, dislocated shoulder, cuts, bruises and he’s lost blood… a lot. He hasn’t woken up yet though.”

“I need to go and see him.” Gerard stated.

“No, Gerard. You’re staying here to rest. I can’t have you sick as well.”

“Mikey, he’s my boyfriend. I need to see him.”

“Gerard, calm the fuck down. We can visit him tomorrow and maybe he’ll be awake.”

“I-I just need to see him for myself, and know that he’s still with us. I can’t lose him Mikes… I just can’t.” Gerard had tears dripping down his cheeks and soft sobs coming from within him.

“I can drive you guys… it wouldn’t be that far.” Ray suggested.

“If it will calm him down, sure.” Mikey caved easily and went to follow Gerard who was already out the door. He gave a sigh, feeling defeated, but he himself was also curious about how Frank was really doing. Did he look as awful as he’d pictured?

They got to the hospital with Gerard in tears, and asked for Frank’s room. When they asked what the relationship was, Mikey was tempted to say family. When they said close friends, the nurse nodded and led them to room A114. It was on the first floor and Frank was in intensive care.

“Please be quiet when you enter and exit. Mr. Iero needs his rest.”

“I-Is he awake?” Gerard asked hopeful.

“Yes, he just woke up before you got here. He can hear you, but we’d prefer if you’d let him rest.”

“Yes ma’am.” Mikey smiled, “Gerard, you can go in there first. We’ll wait.” Ray nodded as well.

“O-Okay…” his voice trembled as he walked into the door.

Frank was covered in needles and tubes and splints and various things, trying keep him alive. Gerard wanted to vomit there and then, because of his fear of needles, but he braved through it and managed to hold Frank’s hand on his newly relocated shoulder. Gerard fingers curled around Frank’s hand and he sighed. “Frankie…” He whispered, hoping that he could hear him. “I-I don’t know what to do. If I lost you, oh my god, I don’t know what I’d do… I-I know that you can hear me babe, and I’m sorry. I know this is my fault for wanting to come out to Mikey then, but…” Gerard lost his train of thought. “I really wish I could have protected you from the guys who almost killed you, but Mikey told me that they’re getting what they deserve in jail… I really don’t want you to die Frankie. Please, show me a sign,” he pleaded and pleaded.

Frank’s hand then squeezed his own, and the light returned to Gerard’s eyes. His Frankie was going to be fine. He burst into tears as Frank opened his hazel green eyes and smiled. “Gee…” he whispered softly.

“Frank! Don’t talk. Oh my god baby. You’re alive. Shit, I almost lost you…”

“H-Hey…” Frank mumbled, delighted to see Gerard. He could barely move, let alone speak, but Gerard had come for him finally, and that’s what he was waiting for. He knew he couldn’t die now, and this was all for Gerard. If he weren’t in his life, then he probably would’ve given in to death right there and then. But then he heard the voice of his angel on earth. It was the most amazing thing ever, so he had to open his eyes to believe it, and boy was he glad he did.

“You need to get your rest, but everything is going to be alright now. Mikey and Ray want to see you too, so I’ll let them… but I’m just so happy you’re alive.” More tears of joy slid down Gerard’s face as he opened the door to let the other two boys in.

“Frank, hey man.” Mikey smiled at him.

“M-Mikey…” Frank’s voice shook, “R-Ray…”

“Hey there dude,” Ray also smiled.

“I can’t believe you’re alive…” Mike sighed happily, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more. I swear I would have, but…”

“I-It’s okay…” Frank whispered, almost inaudibly.

“You’re alive though, and that’s what counts.” Ray added, pained to see Frank in a condition like this, but also joyous that he was still with them.

“Boys, please let Frank have some rest now. You can come and visit him whenever you’d like, though not later than eight p.m. If you want to stay overnight, please notify the doctor and we’ll find a way,” a nurse chimed in.

“Okay… bye Frankie.” Gerard waved and Frank smiled back at him, along with Ray and Mikey.

The Way brothers were dropped off at home and they thanked Ray so much for everything. They found that their parents were home though, and that would be a completely different thing to deal with.

“Hey Mom, hey Dad.” Mikey said coming into the house and hanging up his coat.

“Where were you boys? You had me worried sick.” Donna scolded.

“We were at the hospital Mom.” Gerard said coldly.

“Honey, it’s all over the news.” Their father Don said, turning to the local news channel. “Frank Iero, Linda’s son was apparently beaten up today because of a hate crime at school.”

“A-And I was there…” Mikey sighed.

“But you helped a lot son, and Frank would probably not be alive if you weren’t there. I’m proud of you.” He beamed, and Gerard couldn’t help but feel inferior to his brother once again.

“I’m going to my room.” Gerard said and bolted off before anyone else could ask. He slammed and locked the door, and started to cry. He didn’t know what else to do, but Frank nearly died today, and all he could do was cry about it. He’d done that during the morning after his nightmare, he’d done that once he’d figured out that Frank was half-dead, and he’d even did it when he found out Frank was alive. It was just like deja vu. He wished that his life was somewhat normal for once, and people could just let him live his life in peace, but no. It was impossible for Frank and Gerard to just have one moment together where neither of them was worried, or pained, or confused. It was never just love and commitment. It was never just alone time. There were always so many strings attached to their lives.

Frank spent that night at the hospital, not knowing what to think. He barely even remembered what had happened to him. He knew that he was walking up to a group of “friends” and then they suddenly started calling him names. They shouted “faggot,” “queer” and started beating him around throwing punches in random directions. He dodged and blocked several, talking his way out of it, until Jack came behind him and tripped him. After that, it was all a blur of blood and tears, until Mikey showed up. God was he thankful that Mikey was there, or he’d be in his fucking grave.

Then he remembered Gerard coming into the room in tears, hearing the voice that he loved so much. He felt Gerard’s icy hand in his own, and heard more soft sobs and crying. It was painful to squeeze his hand and talk, but he did. He needed to show Gerard somehow that he was alive. If he could, Frank would be tossing and turning all night.

The next morning, the doctor and two nurses came in, checking on his status. Since he was doing a little bit better, and was now awake, the doctor informed him of what was happening. “Mr. Iero, you’re very fortunate that the fracture is a greenstick one, meaning that the bone isn’t broken into two, but almost. Your shoulder should be fine in about two weeks, but the broken bone will take about six weeks. As for the cuts and bruises, we’ll remove the stitches by the end of the week.”

“T-Thanks…” Frank struggled to say, and exhaled. The machine was removed when he was finally awake, and now he was fine breathing on his own.

“How are you feeling Frank?” The voice of a younger nurse asked him.

“O-Okay…”

“Did you get any rest last night?”

“N-Not really…” he sighed.

“Would you like us to administer any drugs to help you get to sleep?” She smiled.

“No, it’s okay.” Frank really thought that he couldn’t sleep. He had too many things to think about. Gerard, Mikey, Jack, those other boys… it was all so confusing and he couldn’t settle. What he needed right now though, was Gerard.

The nurses checked the IV drip and asked him if he needed anything else, but he said no. They said to just rest and they’d be back in a couple of hours. Now alone in the white, blank room, Frank was left alone to his thoughts, which he’d rather not have to do.

School the next day was hell. Mikey heard his name being whispered throughout the halls, and even the teachers were saying things. It disturbed him, but he just had to carry on with his had. He also heard Jack’s name everywhere, along with Gerard and Frank. It was a constant buzz that he desperately wanted to go away. Even the freshmen were looking at him, especially the girls, and giggling. Some were even daring enough to ask him questions about what had happened. Mikey refused to answer, despite that he wanted the truth out there. He’d already heard several stories as to what had happened, and he wanted to set it straight, but there was one conflict. He couldn’t just tell everyone that his brother and best friend were gay, could he?

Gerard on the other hand, was pretty much a mess. He couldn’t bring himself to dress properly, fix his hair, eat, let alone care about his schoolwork. Frank was now on his mind even more than ever, and he just wished that he were okay. He needed to be okay, and he saw that last night. But he always asked, “what if something else happened?” He was contemplating skipping school to see him, but his parents would then surely find out about their relationship. Coming out to Mikey was hard enough as is.

He sat through even art class, just staring blankly out into the gray sky beyond the windows. For the project, he was drawing a portrait of Frank, but now, he had lost his muse. He didn’t want to see that picture, because he knew it would just make him worry even more. It was so hard to concentrate and as soon as the bell rung, he dashed out the door, grabbing Mikey in the hall and they drove straight to the hospital. Mikey didn’t have objections, because he too, wanted to see Frank.