Puppet.

My teeth are gnawing softly on the inside of my cheek, with the last of my therapeutic medicine dissolving away into nothingness. It’s been five hours since we left our last tour spot, my eyes are aching…and I feel like ripping my face off. There’s this incessant tapping coming from the bathroom, I think it’s the shower head leaking again. My brother’s watching me, making sure I haven’t strayed off my path to keeping clean. Smiling cheekily, I put his worrisome nerves to ease…poor bastard, I’m cheating you. I don’t really remember when I started using, but god damn does it feel SO good. The crowd’s a fickle bunch; don’t give them the show THEY want and its lights out on your career. I place my pointer finger in my mouth, chewing tenderly—hoping to get the essence left by my, err, therapeutic medicine. We’re almost to the next show, hot damn, I want off this bus NOW.

“Jared, stop doing that,” Shannon said firmly, eye narrowing at my actions.

“Fuck off, I’m DELICIOUS,” I smirked, emphasizing bites on my finger.

“Yeah, well, you’re irritating the hell out of me…so STOP,” Shannon grunted, cracking his knuckles warningly.

“Sorry, sorry,” I muttered, defeated, pulling out my sensitive digit.

I would happily like to point out that they are completely UNAWARE I’m cheating. Shannon and Tomo, they are oblivious and I LOVE it. Stretching, I make note that the bus has stopped—YES, FREEDOM!! My skin is itching and my mind’s going 500 miles per hour, get me off this death trap. I make impatient noises as I press my face against the small window on the bus door—god, I hope nobody’s looking at my smashed face right now…ha-ha. The door groans open and I dash outside, twirling around like a kid on Christmas day. Ah, fresh air…if you were a woman, I’d never let you go.

“Move, or be moved,” Shannon sighed, watching me spin around erratically.

“Spoil-sport, put your things down and enjoy REAL air!” I laughed, my blood’s boiling and I want to go cry somewhere.

“Yeah, air…really nice—tastes good too,” Shannon chuckled, pushing by me with Tomo trailing behind.

“Hey, looks like the My Chemical Romance gang has finally made it,” Tomo stated, pulling a guitar case along side him.

“Stay away from them, Jared, remember last time,” Shannon ordered, swinging his face back briefly to connect with my eyes.

I frowned…sure, I remember last time. I had a blast with those guys, mind you, I found a small box full of “therapeutic” medicine and went to town…but NOBODY knew that, save for my brother—of course. God, I want a shot gun. Shit, it’s Gerard! I know I’m sweating because I always feel like he knows what I’m up to…it’s fucking scary sometimes. Be cool, act cool, and most of all—don’t act suicidal! Plastering a grin on my face I flew over to him and embraced him tightly.

“Holy shit, Leto, you’ve gotten stronger!” Gerard laughed.

“What can I say? Big muscles,” I chuckled, hiding my rage.

That’s what irritated—no—that’s what ENFURIATED me about him. He never calls me by my first name. Am I not a worthy enough friend to be called by my first name!? Pills, fuck, need more pills…and a hand grenade.

“Yeah, right, almost as big as mine,” Gerard smiled, pulling out of my hug. His eyes scanning my face…and proud to say, finding nothing disturbing.

“So how was the trip? Hopefully better then mine, which was BORING,” I asked casually, fingers digging into my palm flesh. Mm, pain…love it.

“It was uneventful, unless you count Frank getting stuck in the couch something FUN,” Gerard grinned, probably remembering the memory.

“Damn, shame I missed that…we just stared at each other the WHOLE time!” I smiled broadly, rubbing my hurting hand across my face.

“Whoa, Leto, your hand’s red as shit! When did that happen?” Gerard asked, way more startled than one should be…I mean, it wasn’t bleeding.

“Hm? Oh that, yeah, I slammed it in the bathroom door, but it’s fine—really,” I assured him. Mentally punching him for being so observant.

“Well…okay, I’ll see you later when the concert starts, alright?” Gerard murmured, eyes staring into my soul.

“You bet,” I chirped happily, a smile playing on my lips.

As he turned and walked away, I let my smile turn sour. He’s the only one at the moment who could possibly know. Fuck, what if he tells Shannon? I put my hands together and rubbed them for warmth, eyes dancing around as I made my way to the backstage area. My world was shaking at the foundations, I just wasn’t sure when it would finally explode…I am afraid…god, where are my pills!?