Loners

Frank’s pov

I am completely terrified. Terrified out of my fucking mind…and maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe I should stop being so over-dramatic and just accept that I have issues and not let them control my mind. But I haven’t learned to do that yet. So as of right now I’m sitting in the car with Alicia’s father on my way to the hospital. I’m scared just for the reason I’m going to the hospital. I’m going to have to again explain to people that my father has been trying to beat me into a good man, and that he had failed. I’m still the same as I was before he started except more scared of the world.

It’s strange though. I’m gay…yet completely afraid of men. I guess it’s just that I’m not afraid of people my age? That is such a lie. I was afraid of Mikey and Alicia. I’m afraid of every single person I go to school with…except Gerard. I’ve always been, mesmerized by him. It’s crazy that the one person I actually like is now my friend. I’m friends with Gerard Way. My life couldn’t get better. Well I mean that is if I didn’t have to go to the hospital.

I was upset as I watched the trees and houses roll by as I looked out the window. I’ve even been counting telephone polls. So far we’ve passed 127. The hospital was kind of far, but not really and I just needed to keep my mind off it. So I counted. It helped in the tiniest bit, but all my nerves came full force when we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

Mr. Simmons pulled into one of the parking spaces and turned off his car. My mind was racing and I was scared of what was actually going to happen. I’m at a hospital he could be dropping me off at the psych ward where I belong and that could be the end of it.

“Ready Frank?” He asked gently? His voice sounded gentle something I wasn’t used to. I looked at him with my big scared eyes and nodded my head. “Don’t worry buddy they just need to check you out. They won’t hurt you.” Buddy. Was that supposed to make me feel better, because it really had, for some reason or another. I think I just like the fact he’s at least trying to be nice to me even if only for a little while. I don’t know how normal people act…this could just be how he is…this could be normal.

“Okay well let’s get this over with yeah?” I again simply nodded as Mr. Simmons opened his door. I did as he did and opened my door and got out of the car. I followed him as we walked to the doors.

Once inside he told me to sit down in one of the chairs in the waiting room, so I did, as he went to talk to the receptionist. After talking to her for a few minutes he waved me over to where he was standing.

“Frank we’re going to go back now and the doctors just going to take some blood and do a physical. That’s okay with you right?” Again, terror ran threw my eyes but I simply said a quiet ‘yes’.

Mr. Simmons and I followed some nurse that I hadn’t even noticed standing there threw the halls of the hospital before she stopped at a room and told us to go in and the doctor would be with us shortly. We both went in and Mr. Simmon’s sat down I one of the chairs that were placed in the room. I just awkwardly stood there looking at my shoes.

“Frank.” Mr. Simmons voice said making me jump. God, please tell me I didn’t do anything wrong. “Come sit down.” I was shaking, literally shaking, as I walked the few steps over to a chair and sat myself down. I think he was about to say something else but the doctor came walking in.

“Hello Mr. Iero.” He said as he took a seat on a circle wheelie chair that was in the room. I flashed a tiny forced smile at him and said a quite ‘hi’ back.

“Okay first off can you roll up you shirt sleeve for me. We just want to take a little blood and run some tests.” I did exactly as I was told and watched at he took a needle from its packaging and stuck it into my arm, taking my blood. That was nothing. Blood no longer made me squeamish or anything. My fathers beaten me into a bloody mess many time…it’s almost a natural thing for me to see.

“Okay buddy. Now all we have to do is the physical.” Ugh. I don’t want to have to show my scars off…especially since Mr. Simmons is still in the room. So the doctor did my vitals, height, weight, and pressing on different parts of my body to see if anything caused pain. My vitals were good so kudos to me. I was shorter then I should be no surprise there, and underweight, which I was expecting. I could sort of see my ribs when I looked at my chest. It was gross and I hated it. I really wanted to gain some weight since I’d probably be eating more. My father didn’t really feed me too often.

So after all that jazz was the ‘General appearance’ part of the physical. When the doctor hade told me to take off my shirt I looked over at Mr. Simmons with a scared look.

“Frank is something wrong?” The doctor asked me. I shook my head no before nervously gripping onto the bottom of my shirt. My hands were again shaking as I pulled the material over my head and herd two gasps. My eyes were closed tight as I tried my hardest not to cry.

“Frank…” I herd the doctor say. “Frank its okay, don’t get upset.” I instantly looked up at him with a shocked look across my face.

“Why shouldn’t I be? I’m disgusting looking!” My eyes are all teary up and I sort of just whimpered out the thing I’d just said. “No one is ever going to love me. There just going to feel bad for the poor guy who got beaten as a kid. I don’t want that! I didn’t do anything wrong. Why did he do this all to me?” I’m not sure why I’d accepted that what he did was wrong at that moment. It might be that a doctor just gasped. It might be that Mr. Simmon’s gasped. Or really it might just be that for the first time I felt the shame of taking off my shirt in front of someone other then myself.

I broke down in tear, my hands covering up my face. I felt two arms wrap around me causing me to jump out of pure natural reaction.

“Shh Frank.” I whipped the tears from my eyes and looked up to see Mr. Simmons holding onto me. “Is there anything that could make them go away or at least fade or something?” He asked the doctor as I continued to whimper a bit as I tried to calm myself down.

“Sure, I’ll prescribe the best crème for scar removal. It of course won’t completely remove them but they will at least look softer…a bit less noticeable.” I pulled away and looked at the doctor with a small smile on my face. The doctor turned to his desk and started writing something on a piece of paper. When he turned back to us he handed the paper to Mr. Simmons.

“Frank we don’t have to finish this. Your fine, now you will need help rubbing that crème on your skin.” He paused and looked at Mr. Simmons. “He’ll have someone to help him, yes?”

“Yeah sure thing either I will or my wife, that’s fine right Frank?” A huge smile spread itself on my face. I was going to look better. I was going to seem more normal. I wanted the scars gone and to just forget.