Perfection Doesn't Exist

I woke up the next morning after the New Year’s Eve party still tired and confused about Matt. I felt like I was in a fog, but shrugged it off and walked downstairs to get a cup of coffee. On the way down, there was a knock on my door. Puzzled, I went to see who it was. It was Matt. He looked like he just woke up and he looked… I couldn’t tell what the look in his eyes was; it was so foreign to me. I opened the door slowly as I stood in my sweatpants and t-shirt. I was a mess from sleeping, but I didn’t really care. It was just Matt.

“Matt?” I said hoarsely, my voice still scratchy from waking up.

“Hi, Jess,” he said quietly.

I stepped aside to let him inside. “What are you doing here?” I asked him curiously while he stepped inside.

He shrugged without saying another word. I walked into the kitchen and he followed, taking a seat at my island. “I… we have to talk, Jess.”

I shrugged. “I was hoping I could put this off for as long as possible. But okay,” I said with a shrug, taking a seat across from him.

For a while, neither of us said a word. I started to get anxious, and Matt noticed so he spoke up. “Jesse.” I tore my gaze from my hands and looked at him. “What is going on?” he asked me carefully.

I sat back and sighed. This was going to be fun. “With what?” I asked, stalling.

“You know what, Jess. What’s going on between you and Alex? Seriously.”

I nodded, because I knew this was coming. “Honestly Matt? Nothing, absolutely and completely nothing and I wish you’d believe me.”

Matt nodded, not looking at me. “What’s with all the kissing going on between you two, then? Just for kicks?” he asked me seriously. His voice had gotten a little harder since I let him in through my door.

I shrugged. “I don’t know; Alex is a flirt. You of all people should know that, Matt. It’s just… the way he is, and he’s never going to change. He’s just harmlessly flirting with me.”

Matt let out an aggravated sigh and looked at me through narrowed eyes. “What?” I asked defensively.

Matt shook his head. “He’s messing with your head, Jess, and I don’t like it.”

I wanted to scream at him he’s not the one messing with my head, YOU ARE! But I didn’t. I just shook my head. “Stop it, Matt. It’s not any of your business and it really doesn’t concern you. We’ve been through this, so why don’t you just go?”

Matt stood and looked at me for a minute. “Want to know why I’m so concerned, Jesse?”
I smirked evilly. “Enlighten me, Matt.”

“Because I like you, but Alex is getting you.” Then, Matt walked towards the door, walked out, and slammed it.

I was jolted awake by the sound of the door slamming. I looked around and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I was confused. Had I been dreaming? Obviously, but did it mean something that Matt had said he liked me in said dream? I wasn’t sure and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to know.

***

I had to work down at Ram’s Head that night. My uncle had called me last minute and asked me if I could come down and do sound. I agreed, because again, Nikki was out with Zack and I had nothing else to do. So after getting a shower and slipping on jeans and a t-shirt, I drove down to Ram’s head with my iPod in hand and my phone in my pocket.
I parked behind the venue and got out, locking my doors. I slipped the ear buds into my ears and started the music. I wasn’t really sure of who was playing tonight, but I didn’t care.

It didn’t matter because all it had to do was distract me from my current situation with Matt.
I walked through the door and went in search of my uncle. The doors were to open in a couple hours so it was a little hectic around there. I finally found him talking to someone, so I waved to get his attention and, once he saw me, I went and sat at the sound board. There was a note taped to the board telling me what to have things set at and whatever, so once I set everything up, it was good to go.

I was sitting behind the sound board about forty five minutes before the band playing was to go on and I was messing around with my iPod, playing random games I had gotten when I was bored. At the time, I was playing The Price is Right app, because I obviously had no life. I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around me so when someone walked up to me and said, “Hey,” I about pissed myself.

I jumped and looked up. It was Matt. I shook my head and sighed. Could I seriously not get away from him? “Hi,” I said quietly, looking back down at my iPod to continue my game.
Matt took a seat next to me in the extra chair and said, “I’m sorry.”

I looked up, surprised. Having Matt apologize was the last thing I thought was going to happen. “What?” I asked him, confused.

He shrugged and sat back in the chair. “I’m sorry for being so… weird about you and Alex, whether there is something going on there or not.” I nodded, wanting him to go on. He did. “It’s not any of my business or concern.”

I nodded, looking back down at my game. I knew if I was looking at him, I wouldn’t be able to say what I wanted to say. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s not any of your concern. I don’t know why you were so concerned in the first place.”

Matt shrugged. “Me either, honestly.”

Ouch. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I thought to myself and almost choked on the thought. I tried to shake it, but it wasn’t working. Instead, I nodded and Matt smiled. “We’re good?”

I nodded again and he stood. “Alright, I’m going to get out of here. I’ll talk to you later,” he said and then with a smile, he left.

Still in slight shock from my recent thoughts, I went back to playing my game to try and clear my head.

***

Matt walked out to his car as quickly as possible to try and get away from Ram’s Head and more importantly, Jesse. His most recent talk with her was making his skin crawl; he hated saying he was fine with her and Alex’s little arrangement, when in actuality he was everything but fine. He hated Alex for doing what he was doing; truly hated him for it. He was messing with Jesse and she was either too naïve or too blind to notice.

He climbed into his car and started it, trying to rid the chill that had overcome him from being out in the cold air. When he felt his… whatever he was feeling wear off a little, he left Ram’s Head and headed home.

On the way, he got a call from Alex. “Hey man, what's up?” Matt answered, trying to mask his feelings.

Alex, on the other end, shrugged. “Nothing; me and the guys are bored. Want to go do something?”

Matt shrugged. He didn’t feel like seeing Alex in all honesty, but he agreed anyways and then the two hung up. Matt changed his route and drove over to Alex and Rian’s instead.
When he got there, he got out and locked his car up, and then walked into the house. The guys were in the living room playing the Xbox. “Hey,” Matt said, walking in. He got a few hello’s in response.

“So what do we want to do?” Rian asked.

The guys shrugged. Zack was out with Nikki, again, and Kara was out with her mom so it was just Jack, Alex, Rian, and Matt. “Food!” Jack yelled, once he lost to Alex again.

Matt shrugged. “Whatever’s fine with me.”

So the boys drove to a little diner and got a booth. An old lady came over to wait on them and Matt thought she looked familiar. It wasn’t until she started talking that he remembered her. He smiled at the memory of when he ate at this very diner with Jesse. When Margo turned to Matt to get his order she smiled. “Do I know you?” she asked.

Jack snickered and whispered to Alex, “Not unless he was a late night booty call.” Alex laughed too.

Matt ignored them, and Margo didn’t hear them. Instead, to her he said, “Yeah, I came here with Jesse Stein one night real late.”

Margo nodded in recognition. “That’s right! You two were so cute,” she gushed. Matt laughed. “Where is the little cutie tonight?”

The guys looked at Alex, as if because he had been hanging out with her he should know. Matt knew he wouldn’t though. Alex shrugged as if to say why should I know? Matt shook his head internally and said “She’s working tonight.”

Margo nodded. “I see; tell the cutie pie I said hello, okay?”

Matt nodded, ordered, and then Margo left. The guys turned to Matt and smirked. “What?” he asked defensively.

Rian laughed. “Well, for starters, what was that?”

“Jesse and I ate here one night and I guess Jesse comes a lot—”

“That’s what she said,” Jack cut in with a smirk while Alex rolled his eyes.

“Dude, it’d be better as a that’s what he said. Nice try, though,” Alex told his best friend.

Jack shrugged and Matt continued. “Anyways, she comes here a lot, and so Margo knows her. When we came, Margo was here and was our waitress.”

The guys nodded. “Second,” Jack said, “Why did you know where Jesse was and Alex didn’t? I thought you and her were… dating or something,” Jack asked Alex, making everything extremely uncomfortable at the table.

Matt narrowed his eyes at Alex. “What?” he asked, his voice flat.

Alex shook his head. “We aren’t dating, we’re friends.”

“With benefits,” Jack added slyly while Matt continued to glare at Alex.

He shook his head. “No, just friends.” When Alex finally looked at Matt, the glare he was receiving made him mad. “What’s your problem?” he asked.

Matt shook his head. “Forget it,” he mumbled taking a drink of his pop.

“Look Matt, if you’re being all PMS-y because I’m hanging out with Jesse, get the fuck over it,” Alex told Matt bluntly. He was getting fed up with Matt’s attitude, considering Alex was doing this for him, even if he didn’t know it yet.

Matt sat back in the booth and stared at Alex for a long time. Then he spoke up and said, “Fuck you, Alex. Maybe when you stop fucking around with Jesse, I’ll stop being such a dick to you. Until then, fuck you.” The boys were quiet.

“Maybe if you just figured out why you’re so goddamn mad at me then we could fix this. But you’re too fucking stubborn to do so,” Alex accused Matt.

Matt shook his head. “I know why I’m mad, Alex. You’re fucking with Jesse and it’s pissing me off.”

Alex scoffed. “Yeah, and I don’t like sex.”

Matt narrowed his eyes at the younger brunette. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’re a lying sack of shit.”

“Fuck you, Alex,” Matt growled, scooting out of the booth to leave the diner. He didn’t want to be there anymore.

“Just admit you like Jesse,” Alex called after Matt, “And then we won’t have a problem anymore.”

Matt stopped dead in his tracks. “What?” he spun around, facing his friends.

“Just admit you like Jesse, Matt,” Rian said with a sigh. He too was getting sick of the games being played. “It’s painfully obvious right now.”

Matt walked back over to the booth and stared at the three boys. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Rian sighed. “You. Like. Jesse,” he said, enunciating each word. “That’s why you’re so pissed off at Alex.”

Matt shook his head. “No, I just hate how he’s treating her.”

“How exactly am I treating her, Matt?” Alex asked frustrated. Not even he knew where his sudden outburst was coming from, but he figured it had to do with the sad look in Jesse’s eyes at the New Year’s Eve party, thanks to one Matt Flyzik.

“You’re playing her, Alex. You’re fucking with her mind and she doesn’t even know it. I tried to tell her, but she just got mad so I backed off. But now I’m telling you; fuck off, Alex. She doesn’t deserve to be messed with.”

Alex just shook his head. “You’re so blind,” he mumbled.
Matt let out an aggravated sigh and said, “Why?”

Alex stared Matt right in the eyes and said, “Because you won’t admit when something is right under your fucking nose.”

Matt shrugged and left the diner before he had enough time to react to Alex’s commentbefore he had enough time to admit that Alex was right.