Perfection Doesn't Exist

I went home with Matt after our little encounter out in front of Ram’s Head. We barely made it out of the car. We stumbled inside the house and up to his room. His sweatshirt was first to go, then my sweatshirt. We were both kind of in a hurry, and the whole thing made me laugh. Matt smiled as he trailed kiss after kiss from my lips, down to my neck, down to my chest, and back up. My back arched in anticipation. Before long we were under the sheets, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

The next morning, I woke up next to Matt. I smiled and removed his arm from around my waist and climbed out of the bed. I slipped on a pair of sweatpants from his drawer over my shorts and walked downstairs. I grabbed my silver EnV off of the counter and checked for messages. I had several, mainly from Nikki. I smiled and called her. “Hello?” she answered groggily.

“Nikki? It’s Jesse. Were you asleep?”

“Ass fuck, yes I was asleep. What the hell?” she grumbled. “Where the fuck are you?”

I smiled. “Matt’s.”

There was a pause. And then she screeched, “What?!” I laughed.

“Yeah, uh, it’s a long story. I’ll explain later, ok?”

“Alright, you better not leave me hanging for long. See you later babe,” she said to me and then we hung up. I leaned my stomach against the island and set my phone down.

I was kind of zoning out, but when I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, I smiled. I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder and he said in to my ear quietly, “Now what?”

I shrugged and turned around, never leaving his embrace. “Well, it depends on a few aspects really. Like, for instance, what happened last night?”

Matt smirked. “Do I really need to explain it?”

I rolled my eyes and smacked his shoulder. We were still very close. “That’s not what I meant. Just… I don’t know.”

Matt nodded. “I do,” he told me.

I looked up into his hazel eyes and realized he did know exactly what I was talking about, even if I barely knew myself. “Really?”

He nodded. “What are we?” he asked, wondering if that was what I meant.

“Yeah,” I told him, finally breaking eye contact because for some reason, I suddenly felt nervous.

There was silence between us for a few minutes. Matt was probably thinking. The longer the silence, the more nervous I became. I heard the drip, drip, drip of the water faucet in the sink, and I even heard the clock ticking. It was all grating on my nerves. I wriggled out of his embrace and walked away, realizing that the silence he had just put me through was answer enough. “Well, guess I got my answer,” I told him, grabbing my phone, prepared to make a bolt for it if I felt a knot in my throat that would certainly mean tears.

“Jess, I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s ok. We just got caught up, right? Whatever, I’m going home. I’ll see you—”

“Jesse, come on! You didn’t even let me get a word out!”

I shrugged. “I’d like to think it doesn’t take somebody five minutes to think of an answer to a question as simple as what are we though, Matt. Maybe that’s just me though,” I grumbled and walked towards the front door. In less than ten minutes, I had gone from completely happy where I was to completely sad. I slipped my boots on and grabbed my coat by the door, wrapping my hand around the handle to get out. Before I could take another step Matt was at my side.

“I swear to God if you leave this house before you let me get a fucking word out Jessica, I’m going to be seriously mad,” he scowled at me.

My mouth dropped. No one, no one, called me Jessica. My mom didn’t even call me Jessica. My uncle didn’t call me Jessica. Nobody called me Jessica. The only time anyone had ever called me that was one time when my mom had been the most pissed off at me that she’d ever been, ever. I turned to look at him and scowled. “You just called me—”
“Jessica, I know,” he cut me off. “Now listen to me, please?”

I shrugged and stopped from walking out the front door.

“I don’t know where we’re at right now, to be honest with you.” I guess the pain and or confusion was evident on my face, because Matt continued. “That’s not saying I don’t know where I want to be at, that’s me saying I don’t know where we are at, or where you want to be at for that matter.”

I nodded. “I…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to tell him where I wanted to stand with him until I knew how he felt. “I want to know what you think, first.”

He nodded. “I figured,” he mumbled to himself. “I guess I want to date you, Jess. I don’t know where it would go, but going out with you, for now, is what I want.”

I smiled. “Good, because that’s what I want to.”

Matt smiled also and pulled me in for a hug. He kissed my forehead and said, “You’re crazy and calm, you’re sarcastic and serious, you’re sweet and mean, and sometimes I wonder if you’re absolutely insane. But I don’t think I’d change you for a minute.”

I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed, kissing me on the lips. “Well, now that we got that out of the way, what now?”

Matt shrugged, and then his phone started buzzing. He groaned, rolled his eyes, and stuck his hand in his pocket to get it out. I shook my head and stopped him. “Come on,” I pouted, hoping to win him over but not succeeding. He laughed and got his phone out anyways.

“Hello?” he said into the phone.

I waited as he told the person “we’d” be there soon, and then hung up. Before I could even ask who it was, he said, “Alex; they have band practice. We gotta go over to Rian and Alex’s place because I always go to band practice, and I have to bring you with me to show you off.”
I laughed and nodded, kissing him quick and scooting out of his arms. “Shower?” I asked and he followed close behind.

“Under one condition; it’s a shower for two.”

I laughed and ran off to the bathroom, him close behind.

An hour later, I was showered and dressed in my jeans from the night before, a white tank top, and a sweatshirt jacket I stole from Matt. I denied him the shower for two, so he was just finishing up getting dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and a black zip up hoodie. We left soon after, taking our time getting to Alex’s. I was beyond excited to shove the fact that Matt and I were finally together in everyone’s face, just for fun.

When we pulled into Alex and Rian’s driveway, we climbed out and Matt walked over to my side of the car. He slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. I smiled, and the two of us walked up to the front door, letting ourselves in. “Guys?” Matt called out, wondering where the guys were at.

We heard the sound of instruments being played coming from the (finished) basement, so we followed the sound, going straight, through the living room, to the left, and down a set of stairs that lead us to the basement. The guys were messing around, not really playing anything. Jack noticed us first.

His jaw dropped. He pointed at us and walked/ran over to us. “What the fuck?!” he yelled. I laughed at him. Matt shook his head. “No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!” he continued yelling.

We finally got the attention of Rian, Zack, and Alex, who were now gathered in front of us too. “Stop yelling, Jack,” Rian commanded. He continued to look at us in shock, but the yelling ceased.

I just smiled, not bothering to say anything.

Alex was the first to break the silence. He smirked and nodded. “I swear, I should become a fucking matchmaker or something.”

Rian rolled his eyes at his friend and then smiled at Matt and I. “Congrats, guys. And Matt, told you so.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. I cocked my head to the side slightly as Matt rolled his eyes and said, “Shut the fuck up, Rian,” with a laugh.

“What do you mean—” I started to ask, but Matt cut me off.

“Don’t worry about it. Remember the diner and how Alex and I weren’t speaking? It was over you, and that’s all you need to know,” he told me.

I pouted, but didn’t protest. I didn’t really care. Then I remembered something. Jack was still in the dark as to what was happening. I laughed and looked at him. “So Jack Attack, what do you think?”

He shook his head. “When the fuck did this happen? Last I knew, it was you and Alex, and now everyone’s laughing like this is all some fucking joke? What the fuck is going on?!”

I laughed. “Ask Alex sometime. This, as he said, is all his doing, from the very beginning. I guess I should thank you Alex…” I trailed off.

He nodded triumphantly. “Damn right you should.”

Smirking, I added, “But I won’t.”

Matt laughed and kissed the top of my head. The guys groaned, saying something about having enough of “that” from Kara and Rian, and how they didn’t need it from us too. Matt and I shrugged it off, and went to take a seat on the couch to watch the boys rehearse.
It was funny, because two months ago, I would have scoffed and rolled my eyes if anyone ever suggested that Matt and I would be together. Maybe we weren’t perfect. Maybe what we had was actually nothing. Maybe Matt and I were going to be nothing more than a fling that died out in a few weeks. While all this was a possibility, I had this strong feeling that that wasn’t going to be the case. Maybe it was the way he was currently tracing circles on my shoulder and they were giving me chills, or maybe it was the way I felt like I had a bunch of caged birds in my stomach. Maybe it was just a gut feeling. Whatever it was, it was there, and I could feel it. And even if we didn’t last forever and ever, I didn’t really care. I looked over at him, watching the band and smiling, holding me close, and I smiled too. I was living for the right now, and the right now happened to be kind of perfect, which I never really thought existed.