What I Can't Recall

"What are you doing here?" A deep voice asks from behind me, as I am swinging back and forth. I let out a yelp of surprise and actually fall out of the swing, on to the ground. I look up to see who it was that said the words, and who else would it be besides Jake Spencer.

"What I'm always doing," I said with an exasperated tone and a sigh, "harming myself in some way and getting the living daylights scared out of me by some guy who always seems to be sneaking up on me."

"Of course," Jake says with a grin, and holds out a hand to help me up. I take it and he lifts me up with a little too much force- causing me to almost go flying into the dirt again.
"Woah, steady there," Jake said, putting his hand on the small of my back to balance me.

"Thanks," I say, regaining my balance. I then make the little ways back to the swing I was seated in and sit down again.
"So," I ask casually, trying to strike up a conversation, "what are you doing here?"

"I asked you first," Jake points out, sitting down in the swing beside me. “It’s only fair that you answer my question before you start asking your own.”

"If I tell you, you'll tell me?" I ask him, hoping he‘ll say yes. I want some answers from him, for once. He‘s so mysterious about everything.

"Sure," he agrees, nodding a little bit, and rocking back on the heels of his feet; causing the swing to go back and forth as well.

“I got in a fight,” I answer his question, shrugging. “So I went on a walk to blow off steam and ended up here.”

“What’d you get in a fight about?” He asks carefully, the next rational thing for anyone to ask.

"Well," I start, "today I sort of went looking for my dad. So me and Bryler tricked Sarah to take us to Boston, and we walked to his house. Then things just didn’t work out… So I, uh, started back to the place I was supposed to meet Sarah back at, but Bryler could tell I was really sad. So... he kissed me."

He blinks at me, apparently not getting the significance of the story.
"Is that it?"

"Well, yeah," I say, wondering why that wasn‘t enough. “For the most part anyways. I got in a fight with Ellie, too, though."

"Over what?" He inquired, pulling up his dark gray jacket's sleeve a bit so that a few inches of his wrists are exposed. They don‘t have any cuts on them.

"Well... the whole Bryler thing," I admit sheepishly, blushing a little bit.

"So let me get this straight," he says, grinning. He obviously found this amusing. "You got in a fight with Bryler because he kissed you. And you got in a fight with Ellie over it, too?"

"Pretty much," I confess, kind of embarrassed. When Jake says what they did, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. But it is, and Jake just doesn’t understand that.

"The nerve of him," Jake says sarcastically, visibly having a good time. "Kissing you! What was he thinking? He should have known that's completely forbidden."

"It's more complicated than that," I tell him, though I admittedly do laugh a little bit at his joke.

"How so?" He asks, looking at me curiously. “I don’t see how you could really complicate that situation. Sounds pretty simple to me.”

"It just... is. Bryler didn't kiss me because he wanted to," I attempt to explain to him, as I use my feet to rock the swing back and forth. "He kissed me because he felt sorry for me. He's a pity kisser"

"How do you know that?" Jake asks, raising his eyebrow. “Did he come out and tell you that he was only kissing you because he felt sorry for you? That seems like the only way you’d be able to tell, to me.”

"I just know," I say, trying to figure out the answer to his question myself. "I just... do. I can tell he doesn't like me. He doesn't even act like he likes me."

“And how do you think it is guys act when they like you?" He questions me, looking somewhat entertained by this conversation. He‘s smirking.

"Well, they, uh, well… they tell you they do?" I suggest, at a loss for words. I don’t know what exactly it is I think that I’ve got in my head guys do when they like you.
Jake snorts. “Yeah, except for half the time they don‘t even have the courage to.”

"Well... okay, so maybe I don’t know,” I admit. “Well, why don’t you answer the question? How do you act when you like a girl?"

"Well," Jake says, carefully thinking it all over. "I guess I try to hang out with her a lot. And I say things to make her laugh... and I usually try and know things about her that not many people do. I try to talk to her a lot, and I do things she asks me to. Like, for example, go to Boston with her. And, then, I guess, I make my move. By kissing her."
He smiles at me and then proclaims, "Seems like to me Bryler does like you after all."

"Well," I counter, for some reason refusing to believe Bryler actually likes me. It just doesn’t make sense to me. "Even if he did, wouldn't he have done something way before now?"

"Maybe he didn‘t think the time was right," Jake suggests, slightly rising his voice for some reason, and sounding agitated. I don’t understand why he’s upset, but it makes me kind of ticked, too.

"Oh, please. He's had plenty of chances to, if he had really wanted to," I say, making my voice a little bit louder as well. Jake isn’t the only one who can.

"Well, maybe he thought you wouldn't like him," Jake says, even louder than before. I don‘t get why he‘s angry, but it‘s apparent now that he is. He‘s completely stopped rocking back and forth in the swing next to me, and he looks genuinely annoyed by it all. “And he didn’t want to ruin stuff by telling you.”

"Why wouldn't I like him?" I demand, and for some reason, I'm actually mad too. I can't believe we're actually fighting over this, it‘s so stupid. This is the third fight over all of this I’ve gotten in, just in the last six hours.

"Maybe it’s because he's been rejected by so many people before," Jake says with a harsh tone, his voice implying that I should already know that. “Maybe he can’t deal with anymore of it.”

"Like who?" I want to know, not understanding. I’m sure my face is doing that thing where it’s red because I’m so irritated. “Who has ever rejected him?”

"Like everybody," he replies, sounding very irritate. “Everybody rejects him, and the ones who haven’t probably are going to end up doing it at some point in time.”

"Why would they reject him?" I ask, seemingly confused. Why is Jake standing up for Bryler? I’m pretty sure they don’t even like each other. And how does he know Bryler’s rejected by everyone? Because he isn’t. Bryler has tons of friends, and has dated countless girls.

"Just because he's different," Jake says bitterly, making a disgusted face. "Everybody hates him because he's different."

"Who cares if he's different?“ I ask, still not completely understanding what this has to do with Bryler. None of this is making sense. “Everybody’s different from each other. It’s kind of a fact of life.”

"Well, he's extra different," Jake says, appearing a little bit calmer than before, but still looking at least a little bit beside himself. "And everybody judges him on the way he dresses."

I have a feeling this isn’t about Bryler anymore. In fact, I have a feeling it never was- even in the beginning.
"That's not true," I say, deciding to keep going along with it anyhow.

"It is. Everybody thinks he doesn't have feelings, that he doesn't have friends, that all he does is sit at home and slit his wrists,” Jake goes on, looking more and more furious with each thing he lists. “That he’s some kind of emotionless jerk that thinks he‘s too good for this world. That he can‘t want some chick; he can‘t love any girl. Just because of how he looks.”

"So just prove them wrong," I tell him. "Go after the girl that you want; show them you can love, too."

"She's pretty much taken," he tells me with a frown, sighing.

"By who?" I ask, mostly just asking so I can figure out who he is talking about. I’m nosey that way.

"Oh, just by some pity kisser," he says with a half- smile.