Will You Swear on Your Life, That Life Is Beautiful?

I flipped threw magazine’s trying to avoid Jason’s eyes, when he told me my son was coming I just completely froze up. It’s not I’m ashamed of him, believe I’m not; it was unexpected to say the least. I just didn’t know what to say except okay and then I walked back to my bus.

Some ass hole let him while I was waiting for my baby to come here. Jason didn’t try to start a conversation with me or even communicate with me; I didn’t know why he was here at all. But he kept looking at me, which completely freaked me out. I flicked open my phone and grinned when I saw the message.

I jumped out of the bus, running as fast as I could, to the Metallica bus where I saw my step-mom and son getting out of the car. I called his name and Fran set him down, letting him run over to me. I picked the little guy up and hugged the shit out of him.

“Oh mommy missed you so much, little man. Have you been good for grandma and your auntie’s and uncle?” I quizzed, as I kiss him on the head one to many times. He was giggling away, not giving a care in the world. I began heading over to my dad and my half-siblings, when I felt a tug on my shirt.

I turned slightly to see Jason looking at me, with a little smile on his face. “Well are you gonna introduce me or what?” I laughed and took his hand, as I rested my son on my hip. “They’re not gonna kill me are they?”

“Nope, they’re nice.” I muttered as I approached my family. “Hey you guys, I have someone you all have to met. Dad met him already.” He shrugged behind everyone else and I glared. “Anyway, this is Jason he’s-”

“He’s cute.” Marcella commented, I bit my lip to stop myself laughing, she was the youngest of us, she just turned six like five months ago. “Are you going out with him?” I nodded, hitting her when she looked him up and down. She really reminded me of myself. “Nice.”

“Eh, yeah. Anyway Jason that’s Marcella, Castor and Cali my siblings, this is my mom Fran and you know who my dad is.” He shook all their hands and acted like a complete gentlemen. “And this is Seb, my son. He’s fifteen months.”

“Hey little guy, how you doing?” Jason cooed and rubbed his cheek with his index finger. Seb buried his head into the crook of my neck. “Ah c’mon, I don’t bite.” I had to suppress a grin he does bite. Jason quickly gave up when Seb began crying. He wasn’t really good with strangers, but if it were a female he would get along with her like a house on fire. He’s already a player and all before his second birthday.

“Don’t worry he’s like that with most men. He’s a player like his granddad.” I commented making my dad glare at me. “Which reminds me, I’m hiring a male nanny on this tour to mind Seb while I’m working.”

“Why a male nanny?” dad cocked his eyebrows and Fran shrugged when he looked to her.

“Because if I get a female nanny the chances of her getting fucked by one of the road crew from either band are pretty high.” I glanced at the kids quickly hoping they were still in there own little world, which, thankfully, they where. Dad nodded and then shrugged. “See my point?”

“Yeah I guess,” he commented. “Listen you take the night off tonight and spend some time with young buck here and I’ll get someone else to fill in alright?” I opened my mouth but as usual I was cut off. “C’mon you and I both know it’s been a long time since you spent the night alone with him.”

After all the insisting I was given the keys of the car and told to shack up in a hotel tonight. Jason was beside me entire time grinning like an idiot, I didn’t know why and didn’t bother to ask until he started skipping towards the van. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked, not knowing whether to laugh or be concerned for his mental state.

“Your dad basically sad we could go spend a night together… in a bed… alone.” I cocked my eyebrow and just stopped in my tracks. “What? Am I not allowed say them kind of things around Seb?” I just laughed seriously men are idiots. My dad meant stay with my son – not him. I thumped him and walked on.

~ ~ ~

“You know what?”

“What?”

“Seb looks really like someone I know.” Jason commented, some how in the past ten hours himself and Seb had become best friends. Thus leaving Seb asleep on Jason’s chest. “I don’t mean like you or your family, I mean someone I knew before you. Who’s his dad?”

For a moment I didn’t look at him, instead I turned my attention to the wall. “I dunno…” I said softly. “Like any other drunken night, I honestly can’t remember what guy I slept with. I wish I knew so he could actually have a father figure or at least when he asks me who’s his dad I would be able to him.”

Jason grabbed my hand and kissed it. “You know if I could ever help you with finding his dad, all you have to do is ask.” I gave a weak smile, felling my heart flutter. “I think you should tell me a bit about your past, I think it would be better for all of us if I heard it from you and not from your dad.”

I got off the bed and picked a sleeping Seb off him. Jason just looked at me, in confusion; I lay Seb down in the travel cot and got back into the bed. “What do you wanna know?” I asked, snuggling into his semi-naked body.

“Well, for a start how the hell did you end up with a kid?”

“Dated a guy for three months, got engaged, did the right thing by getting married in Vegas, needless to say neither of our family’s where impressed, but they got over it. Six years later we got divorced – we where both fine with it. I started to party a lot and catch up on the shit I should have doing while I was married.” I explained as he played with my hair. “But somewhere along the way, I got lost. I became addicted to cocaine, weed, alcohol and painkillers. For a while I wondered why I wasn’t able to handle it like my other friends. They were in control; I thought I was in control.

“It was like the bottom had fallen out and I had to fill the void with drink and drugs. It didn’t really help that my dad was an alcoholic as well. So I just kept drinking and doing drugs thinking I would get a hand on things. I don’t remember that year much. In rehab they told me it was obviously due to my unstable childhood. It was in there when I found out I was pregnant.”

“Oh honey, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this up, obviously the wound is still open.” I closed my eyes and let him play with my hair. I wasn’t going to tell him the rest he didn’t need to know what I bad parent I had been. I’d told him enough already.

He leaned down and gently kissed my lips before pulling apart. He brushed hair out of my face before leaning in again. It was like the kiss we shared earlier, gentle, patient, slow. I hadn’t felt this way about anyone in years. All other thoughts were pushed out of my head. He pulled me on top of him, continuing the way he started. I hadn’t seen this side of Jason before and I loved it.

I smiled and broke the kissing muttering three little words I knew I shouldn’t have.

“I love you.”