Dreaming of a Nightmare

I was alone, or at least I thought I was. I pulled out a blade from my jacket pocket and slid it across my wrist. This was all I was good for. No one wanted me. I deserved to die. I heard a gasp as I watched drops of blood gush out and slide down my arm. I turned to see if my mother or my father had finally decided to pay some attention to me, but it was just him. I turned away from him and let the blade make another mark as I thought about the pain in my life.

After a long silence, he had been staring at my back, he finally decided to say, "Stop!"

"What?" I replied as I took the blade across my wrist for a third time, not really hearing what he had said.

"I said stop! Stop doing that!" He pointed at my arm as though I hadn't realized what I had been doing. I didn't even look at him. I was focused on the pain and how I had ruined my life.

He walked up beside me and I looked up to see his face. He had black shaggy hair that covered his forehead and his left eye, he had really deep blue eyes, a small nose, and perfectly pink lips. He had a single piercing on the left side of his lower lip. By the face he made I would have bet that he wasn't a big fan of blood, especially when it was intentional. I went back to cutting and his hand reached out and pulled the hand I was holding the blade with and forced me to look into his eyes, "Please, just stop hurting yourself, please!" I dropped my blade, and suddenly felt like the rest of the world didn't matter. I let my sleeve fall back over my cuts and I wrapped my arms around him, letting his lips press against mine. I let go of the kiss and smiled at him. He began to blush, but I dropped to the floor and I woke up.

My eyes stared into darkness and I turned onto my back. I pulled the covers that I had pushed away back up and closed my eyes again.

That was the fourth dream I had had of him this week. All of the dreams start out the same. The last one was pretty short, usually I don't die as quickly. I'm not really sure who he is. I just dreamt him up, I suppose. I've never seen him in real life. I wish that he was somehow real, he is my only friend.
If I could I would run away with him. Run away into my mind. I would rather go insane than go back to school, and see so many people who hate me and wish that I would just kill myself. In the real world I don't cut myself. Well, I used to. I was still doing it when I started having these dreams, but every time he tells me not to hurt myself, it makes me feel like I have some self-worth. He gives me hope, even if he isn't real.

I let my mind clear and hoped to have another dream about him.
A creak came from the attic and my eyes opened.

It's probably just a noise, I thought. I turned over and shut my eyes again. Something tapped on my window, no, make that hit my window. I opened my eyes and sat up, staring out my window. I saw nothing except a little bit of light coming from the streetlights. I watched as a rock came up and hit my window. I heard a faint voice coming from outside. I pushed back my sheets and let my feet hang over the side of my bed. I looked out the window and wondered who it would be. I stood up and walked to the window. I looked around and didn't see anyone. Another rock hit the glass in front of my face and I realized that the person must have been under my window. I opened the window and pushed the screen up. I stuck my head out the window and looked at a tired looking Nevin Green. He smiled and gave me a wave. I gave him a questioning look, wondering why someone like the popular Nevin would be standing outside my window at- I looked at my clock- at 2am, looking happy to see me.

"Hi," he said, waving once again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, and okay, I might of had a little bit of a snarl in my voice.

"Well, isn't that a great way to greet someone." He giggled.

"Sorry, I guess," I said, feeling like an ass. "But really, why are you here? Its two in the morning."

"I wanted to see you." He said and he started to blush.

What? That made absolutely no sense at all. The last thing that Nevin had said to me at school was, and I quote, "Go home and slit your wrists." Yea.

"Huh?"

"Just come down."

"And what happens after that?" I have to say, I was scared to go down. Nevin sure doesn't have a perfect record. Him and his friends have a tendency to be very violent. I haven’t been a victim of him yet because he usually doesn't beat on girls, but still..

"Look, I'm sorry for anything that has happened at school. I was just doing it to impress the guys. I... I kinda secretly like you." He raised his hand and ran his fingers through his light brown hair.

"Why?"

He seemed confused, like he had never encountered a girl who didn't swoon at the thought of him liking her. "Well, um... just 'cause."

Right. "Well why can't we talk in the morning? When the sun is out."

"'Cause I wanna talk now!" He said, sounding a little annoyed.

What could really happen? I mean, this is the high school bully, not a serial killer. "Okay, I'll go. Where are we going anyways?"

"Uh... it's a surprise."

"Alrighty then, I'll be down in a second." He gave me a nod and I closed the window. I took my pyjama pants off and put on jeans. I slipped on a jacket and put some shoes on. I quietly tip-toed down the stairs and crept out the front door, where Nevin was waiting a few feet away. "How long is this gonna take? I'm not nocturnal, you know."

"Dunno." He said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Fine," I said with a sigh.

"Well, lets go." He mumbled as he walked towards a pick-up truck parked in front of my house. He opened the driver's seat door and got inside.

I opened the passenger seat door. "How far are we going?"

"Fuck, you have a lot of questions. Just get in."

It was like he commanded me. I immediately got in and buckled my seatbelt. If I had been smart I would have ran away from the truck and gone back up to my room, but no, I just sat while he put the truck in gear and stepped on the gas pedal. He sounded like he was getting angry, like scary angry.

He just drove in silence for about ten minutes, he didn't turn on the radio, didn't talk to me, nothing. I waited a little longer to say anything when I noticed that we were getting into the outskirts of town, and that there would soon be no houses around, no one around. "Okay, I think that I’ve waited long enough, where are we going?"

"You'll see." He just kept his eyes on the road as we moved further and further away from town. He had his headlights off.

"No. I don't want to go anymore. Take me home."

"No, we're almost there." He said, not even looking at me.

"Where? There is nothing out here! Take me home!" I began to breathe a little heavier and fear was starting to take over me.

"Be quiet!" He turned and glared at me and focused on the road again.

I turned to the door and said, "Okay, you don't want to take me home? I can walk." He didn't stop, he didn't slow down, if anything, he sped up. I took in a deep breath. This was how it was going to be. He was only going about twenty miles per hour because of the dark and we were on a gravel road. I figured I could walk away with just a few scratches. I tried to silently unlock my door and I unbuckled my seatbelt. He paid no attention to me. I leaned over, ready to jump and opened the door. Wind burst inside the cab and I was pushed back slightly. Stones in the gravel flew up from the tires.

I heard Nevin say, "What the hell?!" I stood up and just before I jumped I felt his hand reach out and grab the back of my jacket. The truck swerved and Nevin pulled me to him and he grabbed my arm, tight. He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over me to close the door. We almost swerved into the ditch before he took the steering wheel and began to steer with one hand.
His other hand was tightly grasped around my wrist and his nails were digging into my flesh. He turned my arm in a painful direction and looked at my wrist. "Wow, no cuts. What a shame." He said with a smirk. His eyes went back to the road and I tried to pull my hand out of his grasp but he only tightened his grip. "If you try that shit again, I will break your arm." He said calmly, without looking away from the dark road.

At least five more minutes passed and Nevin started to slow down. He seemed to be looking for something. I peered into the darkness and saw the outline of a car that appeared to be empty, parked on the side of the road.

Nevin pulled up in front of the car and put the truck into park. His fingers were still tightly wrapped around my wrist. We sat for a minute, he just stared at the car.

I saw some movement and the front and passenger doors opened. Two of Nevins friends got out of the car, Tommy and Ross. Tommy came and stood beside my door as Ross went to Nevin's. Tommy opened my door and Nevin watched as he grabbed my shoulders. Nevin let go of my wrist and Tommy dragged me out of the cab as I kicked and screamed like a child who didn't get to buy a toy when it went shopping.

"Shut the fuck up!" Tommy yelled at me and punched my arm, hard. These guys were big on their own, and I was out in the middle of nowhere with three of the meat heads. Tommy pulled his arm around my body, making it hard to move my arms, and he pressed his other hand over my screaming mouth.

Nevin had gotten out of the cab of the truck and was whispering to Ross. Ross cracked his knuckles several times and I think that I heard Nevin say emo faggot at one point.

I tried to scream inside my mouth. Nevin and Ross looked over and gave me a smirk.

"No one can here you." Ross said as he stepped closer to me. "No one will save you. No one cares, you fuckin' emo. They all wish you'd just die. So shut the hell up and let us get this over with." He raised his hand and slapped me.

I kicked him in his shin and Tommy let go of me. Nevin was there now. They all surrounded me. I had no way to escape. I tried to run past Ross and Nevin, but Nevin pushed my back and I fell onto the gravel. I let out a yelp of pain. Ross began kicking at my back and Tommy pulled off my shoes and threw them across the road. I tried to get up and Nevin put his foot on my back and stared down at me. Tommy kicked dirt in my face and turned to Nevin, "What now?"

"Get her over to the side of the road." Ross stopped kicking me and grabbed my leg. Tommy gabbed my other leg and they started to pull me across the road. I screamed and started clawing at the gravel. Nevin walked in front of me. His feet stepping inches away from my head. Nevin looked down and stepped on my hand.

I yelled, "Help!" Nevin began to laugh and he kicked my face. I screamed in pain and felt something dripping over my lips and off my chin. I wiped some of the goo onto my dirty, scraped hand and saw blood. I was dragged onto the grass and they flipped me over. Ross kicked my stomach and I screamed again.

"Okay, Ross, you take her arms. Tommy, you take her legs. I'll take her." Nevin looked at my body. What does, I'll take her mean? I was scared. For a minute I thought that they might be canables.

Ross grabbed my wrists and Tommy grabbed my ankles. They both sat on the ground. I tried to tug away but I was too weak. Nevin stood over my legs and glared at me. He kneeled down over my thighs and un-buttoned and un-zipped my pants. I screamed for help and Nevin punched my stomach. He pulled down my pants and my underwear to my ankles. Ross and Tommy both looked at me and looked away. I screamed again and Nevin just smirked. He let his body lay on mine and pulled his lips to my ear. "This is what you disserve," he whispered. He kneeled over my bare thighs and pulled his pants and underwear down to his knees. I screamed again, louder. "Tommy," Nevin said. Tommy looked up and spread my legs. I kept screaming and tears began to drip from my eyes and mix with the blood from my nose. He entered me. I laid on the ground, silently crying, praying for someone who cares to come find me. No one came. They each took a turn with me.

After about twenty minutes they had all finished. Ross stood up and zipped his pants. He turned to me and said, "What a lousy fuck." They each snickered and Ross spit in my face.

"Lets go," Tommy said while turning back to the road.

"Wait a second." Nevin turned to me and smirked again. He pulled a used razor blade from his pocket and threw it at me. "Merry funckin' Christmas. I know you'll use it well." They all started laughing and got into their cars.
They pulled out onto the road and drove away.

I brushed the blade off of my shirt and pulled up my pants, crying. I curled my legs up and held them. I shook as more red tears felt off my chin. I laid down on the grass and closed my eyes, hoping to see him, but all I saw was Nevin, Tommy and Ross. I slowly cried myself to sleep.