Doves and Crows

If I knew then what I know now, I would have been ashamed at the way I strutted down the asylum isles.

The disgust comes back to me at times like this, realizing my missteps, remembering the quiet submission of those we passed, the lowering of their heads or the shifting of their gazes or the baffled, watery eyes of some patients at the presence of the team.

“Jeez Lou-flippin’-ise,” Todd breathed out and Al whistled at the site of all the illness. After finally climbing the series of levels we arrived. From the Queer Ward, I saw the dames crowding in a circle around a male attendee and a doctor.

“Why don’t you start off, Linda,” the doctor said pushing up his glasses. A dame with hair butchered just to her ears looked up agitated.

“What?”

“When did you start having urges?” the Doc asked. The gal put on a smirk and leaned back on two of the iron-legs of her chair.

“You mean the urge to smack you, Doc? Well I would say right about when I entered this damn place.” Only one or two of the chicks had the courage to laugh while the rest of them pretended not to hear the comment. The doctor’s expression barely changed.

“You’re homosexual tendencies, Linda. When did you start having them?” he asked firmly, writing down some scratch on a note pad. I saw the attendee close his eyes and drift off.

“I already told you squares, since I can remember,” she hissed. Some of the boys behind me scowled in disgust. Tim, however, moved to the front of the group real dazed.

“Who did it first occur with?” he asked and she crossed her arms.

“What are you, writing a book?” Knowing that she’d stop answering questions there, the doc stopped asking her questions.

“And how about you, Jeannette?” A girl with long brown hair gripped at her ponytail and didn’t look up.

“I was, um, having a sleepover with my friend Cassie one night. We were having a talk about her beau mistreating her. He had been fast before meeting her and he wanted her to be fast, too. I’m not sure how it happened, I just told her how no boy had the right to force her to do anything and one thing led to another and…” She turned red and Calvin high-fived Al.

“Smokin’!”

“I know that girl,” Tim whispered to me and I turned to him. Red was crawling up his neck and he was trying not to grind his teeth. I looked back to the girl and took the opportunity to get ourselves kicked out.

“You should confront her,” I murmured and her nodded. The nerves got to him and made a concrete, so I gave him a friendly shove forward.

“Jan!” he yelled and all eyes turned to him. The hair of the girl spun like a skirt as she met his eyes.

“Oh... Timmy,” she babbled before coughing.

“You’re putting on a bit, right? You can’t be a… You were my girl.” He sneered the last part, kneeling down in front of her. At that, another butch girl scoffed loudly at Ponytail.

“Traitor.”

“Wow, how bad of a fake out were you that you tuned her queer?” Marked jeered and Luke smirked.

“Dang, she’s a real Dolly, too.”

“Go bite the weenie, jerk offs,” Boy-Cut said and the doctor furrowed his brow.

“I’m sorry, boys, but what are you doing here?” he asked taking off his chained glasses.

Good, maybe he’ll kick us out for causin’ trouble.

“Your patient here is liar, that’s why we’re here,” Tim hissed never looking away from Ponytail. For a moment, I had a glimmer of hope that the flaring Boy-Cut would chuck something at him so I could have an excuse to leave the room and escort the flamer out, but the doctor cooled the room.

“I’m sure we’ll look into it, but is there any real reason for your presence?” he asked taking off his reading glasses. Luke stepped forward before Tim could continue to embarrass Ponytail.

“Our friend here, Timmy, has come to visit Jeanette. They were really good friends, and all.” He winked to the assistant and the doc perked up.

“Male guests are always welcomed in this ward. Mister Becker, why don’t you take Tim and Jeannette here over to her room for a thirty minute visit?” the doctor chimed and then turned to the rest of the boys. Catching a whiff of what he was thinking, I tried to make up a story that they had followed us in, but Luke was as quick as a viper that day.

“Robert and I work here, you see, and I’ll be stuck dumb if the team didn’t want to see this fine institution,” he quipped and the doc grinned like mad.

“By the look of things, I’m guessing you mean a baseball team?” the Doc said noticing the cap on Mark’s head.

Now what you need to know about Luke is that besides his unruly temper, he was a real smooth talker. Lies could spring into his brain and by now I could physically see the moments he found a fix out of a situation. A haze falls over his eyes, but not his face, and he gives one firm blink. Right now, I saw this giveaway expression.

“Yes, Sir, you wouldn’t have happened to play before, have you?” Luke asked putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I did love to play a bit back in the day,” he said proudly. Foreseeing a nostalgically pleasant chat arising, the Doc motioned to the direction Ponytail went with Tim. “Our session can be continued tomorrow, ladies. Curtsy to the gentlemen and you’re dismissed.” Boy-Cut from earlier hesitated, she eventually made a half-assed dip with her gown before filing out like drones. “Now where were we?”

“Before we start, would you mind pointing us in the direction of the nurse’s station? We need to pick up our uniforms for the day.”

Of course we didn’t really have hours for that day.

“If you walk into the Nurses Station and go down the hall it’s the third door on the right. Hurry back,” he pleaded politely. We both nodded courteously and waved before we walked back near the door. Luke pushed a key into the lock and a buzz sounded as it unlocked. He walked straight down the rows of doors without slowing.

“Do you even know where you’re going?” I asked looking around. Luke peered over his shoulder at me.

“Yeah, so hush up and keep up,” he laughed. We reached a door eight doors down and on the left. It took me a few seconds to get to the door after Luke opened it. I saw Luke approach a brunette girl placing capsules in small plastic cups. “Pst!” The girl jumped at Luke’s call but quickly turned to blush expectantly. Luke continued to slither up to her.

“Oh, he there—” Luke cut her off by violently planting one on her. I sneered at the public display. The girl soon pushed him away. She babbled like a newborn trying to find something to say, but Luke spoke first.

“Do you have the keys to the upper tower?” he asked. He slid the back of his right hand up and down her cheek so that his knuckles touched her skin.

“Do you mean the ones to Solitary? I don’t… I mean I can’t…” She was too preoccupied with Luke’s attention and forward actions to notice me for a minute or two. But when she did, she fell back out of Luke’s constricting grip and fell to the floor.

I felt a twinge of pity for the girl, so I left my post in the doorway and went to give her a hand. No one likes getting caught doing something personal or unbecoming. She examined my hand and curious face before letting me help her up.

“Thanks,” she said touching her rear.

“Robert Emerson,” I said with a reassuring smile.

“Katie Combs,” she said blinking away some embarrassed tears that clung to her eye.

“Well, doll face, can you do us this favor or not?” Luke asked pushing his hands in his pockets.

“Why?” she asked pulling a curl on her head. I got the notion that she was a real airhead on the inside.

“Does it matter?” Luke demanded retaining a cheerful expression but with an increasingly irritated tone.

“Cool it, Luke. She’s just a nurse,” I said. He took one look at Katie and me before pulling his jacket tighter.

“Screw it,” he hissed and left the room. “Do your thing, Rob. I have to go distract the doctor anyway,” he told me as he left the doorway.

“Isn’t he just a dream boat?” Katie half-heartedly laughed and turned towards me. “So why do you need the key?” She walked towards the cabinet of keys.

“I’m going to make a check-up visit on one of the patients up there,” I said inspecting the back of her uniform.

“Which one?”

“Annette Facet,” I answered. I got chills saying her name, and I think she heard it in my voice.

“Oh, the new girl. I’ve heard about her. She’s the one that won’t say a thing and always stares at you with those big baby blues. That’s nice of you to see her, no one ever visits her.”

“Yeah,” I answered and she turned around dangling a key.

“It works on all the doors. Luke has the same kind,” Katie remarked and placed the key in my hand.

“Thanks, dolly,” I said and placed it in the pocket of my white pants. “Do you mind walking me in, they won’t let me in unless I have a nurse with me.” She hummed thinking about it and then nodded.

“Only if I can sneak a peak of this girl, just let me get her file number” Katie said opening a file cabinet. It smelled of old paper, like a library. She sifted through a tin box until her fingers froze. “Here we are: Facet, Annette.” I walked over behind her as she read the file.

Annette E. Facet:
Age: Sixteen.
DOB: January 19, 1940.
Blood Type: O Negative
Address:
Phone Number:
DOA: October 2, 1956; Transferred
RFA: Delusional tendencies and possible mental unbalance.
Number: 424040

“Hm, didn’t know she was a transfer,” she said trailing off. For a moment I imagined grabbing the file from her.

“What happened?”

“It doesn’t say, but don’t worry about it. That’s the way it happens for most the patients. They have a mental break and end up hurting themselves somehow, then they get sent here,” she said off handedly and slid the file back into the file cabinet. “I think you’re ready.”

“Thanks, I promise I won’t take long.” I watched her snap the file cabinet closed, waiting restlessly for her to walk with me.

“Anxious, are we?” she laughed dryly.

Why was I anxious? Why was I even going along with it anyways? I’d kicked and fought the whole way there, internally at least, but in all trust and honesty I wanted to see Annette. I wanted to apologize. By now she must have realized I’d put her where she was. Or maybe not. I’d ask her, though. I’d ask her what she did to get in the hospital. She hadn’t even said anything to me while I was information for Betty; I wonder if I could expect a reply.

I wanted to try.

“Robert!”

“What?” I asked. I saw I’d been scratching away at the desk. Katie was sitting down next to me.

“I said you won’t need me after all. She’s not up in Solitary anymore. She finished her time up there,” she said.

“Oh.” I felt particularly idiotic. I wouldn’t be alone with her? The idea of having an audience besides Annette made me regret coming.

“She’s probably in her room for recovery. Let’s go!” Katie appeared standing in front of me and began pulling my forearm.

“But you said—”

“I’ll guard the door while you guys talk,” she said leading me down the hall to the entrance to the center of the facility. I planted my feet firmly when we reached the main door.

“Wait, if she need recovery time then I really shouldn’t.”

“Don’t you two have a thing going on?” she asked. I felt my face fade numb and cold at her remark.

“No, of course not.” My voice nearly cracked. My gosh, I’d turned into a prepubescent. I just want to apologize. You girls and your gossip,” I said disapprovingly. Katie smiled and sighed.

“I have a sixth sense about these things. If you don’t now, you’ll know soon,”she said unlocking the door.

“You sure you’re not a patient, Miss Combs?” I asked a bit repelled but her talk. Katie shook her head at me like she knew all the answers in the world.

“You have a look in your eye when you ask about her and your voice becomes really boyish.” She paused as she opened the door. “But that may just be me and my Romanticism.” We walked together across the center to the Sage Ward.

“She’s interesting. Intriguing,” I told her. “Less crazy.”

“Sure.” Katie giggled and motioned me inside.

I was greeted by four white walls, blue trim and butterfly trail. The windows above each bed were barred. Annette was lying down on the covers of her bed.

“Miss Facet, you have a visitor,” Katie said knocking on the door behind us. Annette didn’t turn her head towards us. Katie shoved me and whispered, “Say hello.”

“I’m not three,” I grunted and walked over to the bed next to her.

“Hey, it’s Robert, remember me?” I asked and Katie made a disapproving sound.

“She won’t understan?” But as she said that, Annette turned her head to me, shoulders slumping up to the ceiling. “I’ll be back to call for out session in a bit, Miss Facet,” she announced and closed the door.

The need to ask her everything that blew my way struck back, but this time it made my stomach sink.

“How are you?” I asked with a quiet huff at the end. Annette didn’t move, but she did look me over quietly. I did the same to her in return. Her face seemed slimmer than before, paler. Her eyes still killed me, all big and round like that, but they seemed vacant today. She still had bandages on her neck and shoulder, peeling out of her damp nightgown.

Damp.

“Is your hair dripping?” I asked getting off the bed and kneeling at her bedside. Her strands of hair that before were such white blonde now clung together to make a slightly more golden wig. Annette made a small smile at my question. I looked down at the pillow on the bed I was sitting on.

“I’m sorry about this whole mess,” I said taking a deep breath to steady myself. “It was my fault after all.” The water from her scalp ran down her forehead, stopped at her nose and got stuck at her curious eyes. Her lips parted and her face registered what I think was the first conscious and genuine emotion. Her head lifted from the sopping wet pillow as she propped herself on her elbows.

Her liveliness filled the dead room. For the first time, I began to think she wasn’t crazy.

“How’s your wrist?" I asked picking up her forearm. They hadn’t bothered to bandage it, but then again it wasn’t necessary. Annette made a closed lip but full smile and nodded.

“You...” I whispered and the corner of my lips lifted in excitement. Instantly, I saw her smile change, her mouth opening slightly. Her skin tensed as she slipped her arm from my grasp. I panicked. She looked like I’d said I was a Commie. She quickly put on a tight lipped smile and lied down, face up to the ceiling.

“No, no, no, no. Don’t be like that,” I sputtered out kneeling at her bedside. “You can talk to me, I won’t tell the others,” I whispered. Her eyes flickered, but not to me. I stood and put my hands on either side of her head so she would look at me, but despite our faces mirroring each other she still looked dazed up at nothing.

“So is your arm better?” I asked and she slowly turned her gaze to my eyes. Hesitating, she gave a short, slightly frightened smile. After trying to cover her shoulder with her petite white hand, she gave a short nod.

I felt exhilarated; I could finally get some answers.

“What did you do in Solitary?” I asked sitting on the edge of her bed. She just continued to stare up at me with those eyes of hers. “What, you won’t speak to me?” I asked scowling. It was like dealing with my own Doddle. She slowly shook her head. “But you’ll do that?” I asked pertaining to her nods and shakes. Her smile came back a little and she nodded.

That just pissed me off. I stood up in frustration and punched the air. In my spin, I closed my eyes.

“Guh! You’re such a stubborn dame, you know that?” I huffed. Annette made a full smile and laughed quietly. “Gosh damn it! Just a few simple words, come on! Can’t you do that?” I asked and she just smiled at me. “I mean for Mary’s sake...” No response. “Gosh damn it! You know, I came all the way here, on my day off, to apologize and here you are not even trying.” I turned to look at her but decided to spin and look away too heated.

“I just wanted to ask you questions about something, anything really,” I said noticing her starting to giggle. It was sweet and soft but call me a liar if I was could admire it at the time. “I’m not disappointed or anything. I’m just curious as to what… Damn it, you’re making me nutty!” She was now sitting up on her bed, running her fingers through her drenched hair.

She was mocking me. Her face was drastically different. She seemed there.

“I swear you’re Doodle,” I mumbled. She tilted her head at the comment and I sighed. "Are you insane?” I asked and she just looked a little bewildered. “Sorry, I mean do you really belong here?” I asked and walked back over to the other bed where Patricia usually slept. Annette gathered herself up and kneeled on her bed, making her smile a little softer and she gazed on me.

She nodded.

I kicked my feet off the side of the bed and doubled over holding my head with a groan. All her twists and turns made my head spin. I didn’t believe her. She seemed almost normal, I mean she was a little off but she didn’t deserve to be locked up in here.

“Are you really?” I mumbled. Sliding my hands over my eyes and face, my back hunched over like I’d been shot, I felt something in my hair. I was going to swipe it out, I’d even raised my hand to do it, but when I’d flicked my wrist to push it away I felt flesh. I raised my head carefully, feeling the thing on my head run further over my hair. I saw Annette mimicking my positing, feet hanging over the bed, leaning forward and caringly placing her hand on my head.

Annette nodded again to assure me. She gave my head a small pat before removing it from my greased hair. She clenched and unclenched her hand, mesmerized at the gripping agent.

“I think you’re lying,” I grunted unsatisfied. Her lack of answers left me feeling bland like having the bases loaded but you can’t hit a pitch. Annette just looked at me smiling again, her eyes unchanging in their stare. “I’ll get you to talk at one point.” I walked to the door and past the white wood counter. But then I heard a noise from her bed.

It was soft and consistent, high pitched but soft. She was laughing, trying to be polite by covering her mouth. It killed me. I stood there at the door smiling just as dazed as she did.

Tomorrow I’ll talk to Betty about her and sit in on one of the therapy sessions.

Crack

“Are ready for your session, Miss Facet?” Katie asked after barreling through the door and swinging right onto my head, knocking me down. After noticing Annette’s shocked and alarmed expression, Katie turned to my crumpled up form. “Oh, what happened to your head, Robert?” I continued to hold my right temple, lying on the floor.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got to go anyways,” I jabbered as I gained balance and got to my feet. Katie smiled and touched her nurse’s cap.

“Alright, have a nice day, Robert,” Katie said and Annette’s face sobered up behind her.

“See you Katie, Annette.” I gave them a nod and received a small wave from Annette that Katie couldn’t see. As I left and went into the main center I saw Luke and the Doc talking to each other. The Doc was practically falling off the edge of his chair as Luke leaned back in his reversed chair, wrapping his knuckles on the frame of it. “Where the boys?”

“I don’t know, maybe with Timmy,” he said nonchalantly, taking his time to answer me at a convenient spot in his story. “Where was I, Doc?” He lit up.

“Number One came up to bat and he was a ace in the whole kind of—!”

“Right, so it was the bottom of the ninth and this kid was the last guy I had to strike out. There was a man on seconds and a man on third. Now this was before learned my lucky slider, so I was in a pinch on how to get him to strike out.”

“Stuck between a rock and a hard place,” the Doc groaned. “What did you do?” Luke cast a quick smirk my way.

“I gave him my Hitter Spitter,” he boasted getting up from his chair. “I nailed him right behind the left shoulder blade and walked him. Next guy was an easy out.”

“Amazing, that’s fantastic strategy.”

“The opposing coach thought so, too. After summer ended I started playing for his team,” Luke said. The Doc clapped his knee and then took off his reading glasses.

“So, this boy, was he alright?” he asked and I rolled my eyes at Luke's antics.

"I was in a sling for two weeks," I snarked and could heard the malicious tone underlying my words. "Not the worse I've had, though. You should have seen me after the behemoth my Chapman got me." But Then we heard a banging from down one of the halls.

“What is that?” the Doc asked getting up and striding down the Queer Ward in the Western division. Luke and I followed him, coming upon the mob of baseball players. They were lined along the wall like we did when Coach called us to attention during practice, except sloppier and scrunched towards the window on the one of the doors. When I gave Jacob a questioning look, he caught it, winked, and made a few obscene hip thrusts.

Before we even tried to go near the door they were all crowding around, Tim slumped out. His church jacket hung exhausted at his side. His belt was left unbuckled at the buckle; instead it was sporadically hitched through another pant loop. His quaffed hair lost its stiff structure due to what looked like a layer of sweat that also covered his forehead.

Behind him I saw a patient gown kicked to the floor. An arm and leg were draped over a bed with the covers thrown over the rest.

“That, Doc,” Tim huffed out of breath and patted his drenched forehead with his tie, “is not a gay.” Tim smirked and the whole group gave him a round of applause. As we all left the scene and found our way out of the Tower so we could play some ball, I caught a last glimpse of Ponytail in her disposed state.

She hadn’t even tried lifting her head from under the covers. She just laid there.