Suzie Q's Heartbreak Service

Smoke was twirling up in the air. I watched it make turns before evaporating into thin air. Softly I put the cigarette back to my mouth and withdrew the smoke into my lungs. I felt it burn my insides and I loved it. Destroying myself; it was something I had learned from my mum. She was the perfect example. I played with the cigarette between my fingers. Black sheets were covering my bare body.

“Enjoying your death?” Aiden said grinning. I didn’t react. I was content. He had given me exactly what I had needed. He cleared my head. And even though I wouldn’t admit this to his face, he had made my toes ravel.

“It’s my life and my choice to fuck up,” I mumbled as I was still staring at the smoke making its way up.

“But baby, we just did all the fucking,” He was laughing now. I sighed. He would have been perfect if he just knew when to shut up. Or maybe that was a lie. He would be perfect if he shut the hell up permanently.

It was time for me too get going. With some sheets around me I started picking up my clothes that lay on the ground. They were scattered all over the place. We didn’t really take it slow that is. If I hadn’t stopped Aiden he would have torn my clothes apart.

I was numb and that was precisely what I had come for. His job was done so I should head of to do mine. I hadn’t heard of my client and I wondered why that was. Had the trick worked and had he just thought we were done now. Some people actually thought they could get away with not paying.

As I was putting on my clothes I said,

“I have to get going,” I took my top and put it on. Aiden was still in his bed, beneath the sheets. Just sitting there looking at me.

“What?!” I asked agitated.

“Just remembering how you moaned,” He said taunting. This boy really knew how to push my buttons. In every way. The boiling lava inside me was rising, but I knew how to stop it.

“Sorry, but I think you forget what we agreed on,” I said pointing at him “We don’t talk, we have fun, that is all,”

He had put on his boxers and walked towards me.

“I know, but you didn’t come here for the sex,” He whispered this in my ear.

“Oh really? And what did I come for exactly?” I asked him sarcastic.

“You came just to be with someone, you came for comfort,” It struck me. My heart knew he was right at that point. But my head was disagreeing. I had come here to forget all about it. I came here to shut my heart up. To be numb for a while. I was a junkie and he gave me my drugs. There had been other boys. I had had these boytoys since my mum decided that vodka was more important than I was.

“Sure, and I will go to you,” A bitter laugh came out of my mouth. I pulled my jeans on and wanted to walk away from him. He stopped me. His hands prevented me from disappearing. Softly he pushed me back.

“Yes. See, I can see the bruise on your face. When you arrived it was just a red spot but now it is turning blue, There is no guessing who gave you that,”

“Stay out of my personal life, will you?!” I was getting mad. Who was he to interfere?

“Whatever you want,” He said and stepped aside. I was surprised, he was giving up. Why was that? I had never seen him give up.

“Well, I want to go now,” I said selfishly and I walked onto the hallway. Something was holding me back though. Something wanted me back in that room. But my head had always been stronger than my heart. So I pushed myself towards the stairs and started descending it.

I knew he was watching me as I walked over to my own house. I knew he was standing at his window staring at my movements. But I pretended not to know.

At home I rushed towards my room. I didn’t need an angry mom right now. I sat down behind my computer and checked my mail. I decided to mail my client.

Dear anonymous,

You have recently purchased my services. I would like for you to tell me the current state. If my traps have worked already I will sent you a bike messenger that will bring you your check

With all my heartbreaking love,

Suzie Q.

So, that was done. It was getting late and I hated late Sundays. Nothing was on tv and all I could think about was that the next day would be a Monday. And just like others, I hated Mondays.

I lay down on my bed. When I closed my eyes, my afternoon flashed before my eyes. Aiden touching my hips. Stroking my hair from my face. His kisses in my neck, my nails scratching his back. My back arching from his touch. Him snapping my bra open single handed. It all came back to me. It was haunting me. But why? He was just a boytoy.

Just a boytoy.