Suzie Q's Heartbreak Service

The halls of school were deserted. Of course I was late. Everything was falling apart. I couldn’t hold my bitch act up much longer. My mask was starting to show some cracks. Before Logan had appeared everything had been so easy. Or well the rules had been clear. It had never been easy in my life, except the time that had been young with Logan. But the rules of being Hannah and Suzie had been clear. You are a bitch, you don’t show emotions and most of all you keep people at a distance. Not a thing confusing about that.

Not until Logan or Aiden, or whatever I should call him, showed up. He had blurred the lines. He had known who I was, he had known everything from the start. I was so confused that I had missed my locker and needed to walk back again. My math test was first thing and I was already late. I didn’t know the time but I knew I couldn’t be on time because Logan had stalled me so long.

My head was running over with confusion and emotions. How could I ever make a math test in this condition? I had slept with my best friend and he had seen me as a complete whore. I had used him as one too. I was terrible. When we were ten and my hormones were slightly faster than Logans, I had imagined how it would be to kiss him. It had been puppy love, but it had been love. I was too chicken though. Never tried anything. Cause he was my friend and I didn’t want to screw that up. But also .. he wasn’t showing any other interests apart from being friends. His hormones were still childish and I wisely kept my thoughts to myself.

Keeping my thoughts to myself was probably the best way to say it. I did have thoughts though. I was turning eleven and I matured early. I started thinking about the way his hand touched my shoulder and how he used to tickle me. Even after I left him, I once imagined how it would have been if he was my first. Sadly my first was a drunken guy who was just as doped up as I had been. A real slut thing to do. Tears welled up. Why had taken him so long? Why hadn’t he found me earlier. It could have been so different. I could have been a nice girl. One that didn’t enjoy someone else’s pain. One that wasn’t a bitch and certainly not a lust object for everyone with a right amount of testosterone. I would be the girl that would envy me for my self esteem, which is all a mask.

Math test! The thought shot through my mind, but I didn’t even have the time to register it. The bell rang and my test was already over. I just stood there in the hall while they flooded with teenagers. I didn’t notice the buzz around me, but people were used to it. They were used to the fact I ignored about every one of them, unless you had trouble or something I could use. Or you were someone I could use.

The hard hand around my arm shook me up and suddenly I got yanked towards the left side of the hallway.

“I’m not having this Emma!” He said furiously and I looked up to the face of Logan. He had followed me, once again. Shit, Now you and everyone else would know my real name. I hated him for that, but I didn’t have a moment to address it, cause he was still pulling me towards a door.

“Let me go! Idiot, why did you use that name!” I screamed. I was going to make a scene now that everybody was already looking. What difference would it make? I yanked my arm out of his grip and looked at him with real fury.

“Not here” was all he whispered and than he took me by my waist and shoved me through the door. It was very narrow and it appeared to be the storage room. It was dark and smelled. The walls were covered with shelves and they were all crammed up against each other only allowing so much space so that you could stand in the middle of the little room.

Logan shut the door and turned swiftly. He looked mad, real mad. I had never seen him in this stage and it shocked me a bit. He walked one pace up to me, that was all the room between us, and hovered over me. His body was so close that mine tensed.

“You are not running from me, not again,” he almost growled the words, “You seem to think I bounced right up from that devastation. You seem to think I wasn’t hurt, and I am not hurt now.” I shook my head. I didn’t think like that. Not at all. But I was still mad at him for screaming out my real name. He was really scary. His hand on my shoulders and his muscles all tensed. But Suzie knew no fear so Wouldn't either.

“No I didn’t. And I didn’t leave. I had a test that I missed, plus I had a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, me too but you didn’t see me running off, not after the best night of my life. I love you. I loved you when you left, and I still do.”

The words were like a rope around my neck. No air seemed to find my lungs anymore.

“But I’m A SLUT!”I screamed at him when I found my air back. “I used you, you used me too!”

Logan got closer and planted his hands softly on my cheeks. “maybe at first. But last night, I felt a difference, your body wasn’t just there, your soul was too and even your heart.” I shook my head. No. no. He wasn’t right.

“And by the way, I liked the slut part a bit, at least if it was only for me” That made me laugh. Maybe there was some Aiden in Logan as there was Hannah and Suzie in me.

“So would it be slutty if we ditched the next lesson?” As I softly pushed my body against his. There would be time to talk everything over. All I wanted now, at this moment, was him.