Suzie Q's Heartbreak Service

I was shaking. My fingers raced over the keyboard of my laptop. I didn’t want tears to appear. That was not me. I wasn’t weak. I was a kick-ass-bitch. They didn’t cry, I didn’t cry. I tried planning plan G. It had worked multiple times. It should go automatic, just as it always did. But it didn’t. It took me way more time than I used to spend. My head was too clouded. I shut my computer. The shaking didn’t stop. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I was getting tired and irritated. Anger was coming up. It was bouncing against my chest. My heart was bleeding. It was beating so fast that it almost broke.

Anger got to me. It took control. I slammed my fist on my laptop. I was doing things I couldn’t control. With my arms I swept my desk clean. Pens, paper, a glass, it was all coming down. With a blast it touched the ground. Splinters of glass spread over the floor. I collapsed on the ground. I had no strength to keep myself up anymore. My hands planted themselves on top of the glass. Blood appeared. I didn’t feel it. Tears rolled free. I was screaming. I was so dumb. Keeping myself away from hurting, but it kept getting to my heart. I shut everybody off, but the one that kept hurting me, I couldn’t leave.

My mum wasn’t always like this. She used to be happy, just like me. I will tell you. I will tell you the mistake she made. The mistake all my clients make. She fell for a man. Her stupid heart started bouncing faster every time he was around. She couldn’t help it. At first I thought it was a good thing. She was smiling so much. She was truly happy. Like she was flowing on a cloud, all the way up to heaven. I liked him. I used to. But know he is the one that ruined our life. He is the reason I can’t be free to do what I want. I have to take care of her, because without me she will die. I know so.

So she was happy for a few months. Until the day he left and we never heard of him again. I remember seeing her sitting by the phone, waiting to hear from him. But the call never arrived. I watched her skin get grayer and grayer. I watched how misery took hold of her. It made her into an old woman. She didn’t take care of herself anymore. Then the drinking started. It went from bad to worse. And I should have stopped her at that point. But I couldn’t. She didn’t want my comfort, she only wanted him.

Now she is drunk all the time. Most of the times she doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I have tried everything. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many bottles I’ve emptied in the sink. Or how many times I took her money and did the shopping myself. But all I got for it was a big mouth and possibly some smacks in my face. She would get her liquor one way or the other. She needed it so bad; she would trade oxygen in for a bottle of whisky. When the beating started I just lay low. I didn’t get in her face anymore, because she needed me so I needed to be ok in order to help her.

So here I was; having my weekly breakdown. Sitting on the ground, my hands bleeding as hard as my heart. I got up and walked into the bathroom that verged on my room. I took some toilet paper and started to stop the bleeding. I looked at my reflection and hated what I saw. My tears had made black stripes down my cheeks. After taking care of my hands I washed my face.

I needed to get the planning done for mister anonymous so I started my computer again and hoped my smack hadn’t killed it. Relieved I sighed when the computer started and I heard the womans voice welcome me again. I started to call a florist. They would deliver a big bouquet of roses to the girls place. Flowers that were addressed to her boyfriend, from some secret admirer.

I was starting to feel a bit better. I needed to hurt some other people so I could feel good again. Misery want company. And I needed misery. The fist trap was set. Let’s hope they’ll fall for it. I mailed my client that the first arrangements were made.

Now all I needed was to get out of my house. Mum was sleeping and would stay in bed for another two hours. It was time to do something for myself. I decided to go to the park. Walk a bit, listen to some music, clear my head; that was all I wanted. I grabbed my coat and ran down the stairs.

I was watching my sneaker while walking through the park. My loud music was ruining my ears, but I didn’t care. Abrupt I was thrown out of my solitude. A boy bumped into me. My shoulder got quite a blow. I looked up, furiously.

“Can’t you watch where you are going? You must have have some brain cells left, don’t you?” I snapped at him. Wait. I recognized this boy. Wasn’t this the same asshole that had bumped into me at school?

“Wait, didn’t you do this to me at school already?” I was getting angrier now “What’s wrong with you, get a hobby or something. But stop bothering me!”

“Sure, say hi to Suzie Q for me.” My heart froze. What did he know about me and Suzie Q?