Forget the Things We Swore We Meant

I love Brendon Urie.

That's all I could think as Brendon's lips attached to mine. That's all I could think as his hand went under my shirt, his long fingers gently tickling my sides. He lips left mine for a moment as he gently pulled my shirt off.

"You sure this is what you want?" Brendon asked when my shirt was off. I nodded my head and Brendon's hands went down to the top of my jeans. He kissed me gently.

"I love you," I blurted out as he pulled away. My eyes widened in fear of what I had revealed, but Brendon only smiled.

"I love you too," Brendon said. I felt relief wash over me as Brendon uttered those words.

"You mean that?" I asked.

"Of course," Brendon said. I smiled before kissing him and helping him out of his own clothes.

-----------------------------------------------

I woke up to find Brendon not next to me. I glanced out the window of the hotel room first and saw a faint orange glow starting to creep into the sky. It was morning. I sat up and my eyes traveled around the room before finally settling on Brendon's form. He was standing next to the bed, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Where are you going?" I asked, the sound of my voice making Brendon jump and stare at me in surprise. Brendon looked down guiltily. "Brendon?"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Sorry for what?" I asked.

"We have to forget this ever happened," he said quietly. "It was a mistake."

I stared at him, starting to feel nautious.

"Mistake?" I said. "But you said you loved me."

"I do," Brendon said quickly. "It's just-- We can't have this relationship. It wouldn't work."

"Why?" I asked. Brendon sighed.

"The guys aren't going to accept it," Brendon said, referring to our fellow band members.

"So what?" I asked, getting angry. "We should be free to love who we choose."

Brendon shook his head.

"It won't work," he said.

I felt the tears building in my eyes as Brendon kept inching toward the hotel room door.

"We can make it work," I said. Brendon's hand was on the doorknob now.

"I'm sorry Ryan," he said, looking down at his feet. "I'm going to get another room."

I didn't say anything and Brendon opened the door. He left the room, but paused before closing the door.

"I'll always love you," he said quietly, but still loud enough for me to hear. The door closed.

"Fuck you," I said, letting the tears spill out of my eyes.