Forget the Things We Swore We Meant

I could tell Brendon was tense. Hell, I was tense. In fact, everyone was tense. Everything seemed uncomfortable now. Just laying in my bunk with Brendon felt awkward, knowing the other two occupants of the bus didn't approve.

Brendon started to get out of my bunk.

"Where are you going?" I asked. He was sitting on the edge of my bunk, looking down at his hands.

"I'm going to my own bunk," he said. I didn't say anything else. I knew why he was going to his own bunk.

I moved toward Brendon and leaned in to kiss him, but he moved away, standing up in the walkway.

"Sorry," he mumbled. He was looking the other way. He wouldn't even look at me. I retreated back into my bunk, pulling the curtain closed again. I rested my head on my pillow and just stared at the curtain. I felt like everything was crumbling down around me. Brendon and I had made that first step into a relationship, but I doubted we'd move any further. We were moving backwards now. Brendon was moving farther away from me. We had been so close and now we were so far apart. Were we really going to let our friends and fellow band members control the fate of our relationship?

I sighed. We already let them take control of the fate of our relationship. I felt this hopelessness within me. I knew it wouldn't be much longer until Brendon was telling me that we were over. Not much longer until my heart broke into those familiar broken pieces.

I closed my eyes, hoping for sleep to take over and give me a few moments free of these feelings.