Forget the Things We Swore We Meant

I felt dirty. Used.

The water was too hot, but I didn't care. I didn't care that it was burning my skin. I could feel it cleaning me off slowly. While the hot water got the dirty feeling off of my outside, nothing changed on the inside. I was still dirty. I'd never be clean.

I finally gave up, shutting the water off and getting out of the shower, shivering from the contact of cold air on my sensitive skin.

I had been so happy not that long ago. I didn't know that that happiness would be ripped away from me, my heart torn into a million little pieces that I could feel, clawing at my insides. It hurt. It hurt so much.

I had been so happy when Brendon had kissed me. It was what I had wanted for a while now. A dream come true. It was too good to be true though. That dream turned into a nightmare.

Now I had to pretend everything was all right for the sake of the rest of the band. For Jon and Spencer. I pulled on some clothes. We had a show tonight. I had to look like I was fine. Like nothing had happened between Brendon and I.

I stepped into the hallway of the hotel when I was dressed. Brendon came out of his new room as I headed for the elevator and we both stopped moving. Brendon was staring at me, like a deer caught in headlights. He looked away quickly. I looked down at my feet and walked by him quickly. This was going to be difficult.