Forget the Things We Swore We Meant

I lay awake, listening to Brendon's breathing. I didn't want to sleep because I wanted to enjoy knowing that Brendon was laying here next to me because I knew that as soon as he woke up he'd leave again. That he'd break my heart. I shouldn't have let him stay. It only made things worse.

I sighed and rolled onto my side to watch Brendon sleep. He looked so peaceful. I reached over and carefully brushed some of his hair out of his face. I saw his eyes twitch and I stopped moving, hoping he'd stay asleep. Luckily, he did stay sleeping. I let out a sigh of releif and pulled my hand back slowly.

I soon felt my eyes growing heavy, and though I didn't want to, I fell asleep.

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When I woke up in the morning, I was again by myself. I sat up quickly and looked around quickly. He was already gone. I layed back down.

I felt disappointment and my pain returned. I'll admit I had some hope that it would be different this time. That he would stay. But I had also known that it wouldn't happen. It was nothing more than a hope.

I knew Brendon wanted us to be together. Why else would he show up last night? He just didn't want to deal with any drama with a relationship. I didn't care though. I say fuck them all. I should be free to love who I want. Jon and Spencer were our best friends. Would they really have a problem with Brendon and I being together? Or was Brendon just saying that because he was scared?

I buried my face in my pillows and pulling the blanket up higher. They all smelled like Brendon. I took in lung fulls of his scent. I just wanted Brendon to be here.