Forget the Things We Swore We Meant

Want and Need

Another week went by. We were at another hotel. I was now at a point where it was impossible for me to think of anything else other than Brendon. I was obsessed. I was getting desperate. I needed him.

It was the middle of the night now. I left my room quietly, and went to Brendon's room. I stood in front of the door. I didn't do anything. Maybe this was a bad idea.

But I need him.

I want him.

I raised my hand, closed into a fist to knock. I sighed and lowered my hand. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I started bacfk towards my room.

No. I changed my mind. I had to do this. I went back to Brendon's room. I took a deep breath before knocking lightly on Brendon's door.

I listened carefully. I couldn't hear if he was coming to open the door. I was going to leave while I had a chance, but the door suddenly opened slowly.

"Ryan?" Brendon asked quietly. "What are you doing?"

"I-I need to talk to you," I said. Brendon stared at me. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Brendon said, stepping back so I could enter his room. He closed the door behind me. I walked further into the room and sat on the end of the bed. Brendon stood in front of me, leaning against a dresser. "What do you want to talk about?"

I looked down at my hands which I had placed in my lap, before looking up at Brendon. I let out a shaky breath.

"You know that I love you," I said. Brendon nodded his head. "And it's getting worse. All I think about is you."

Brendon stayed silent and I sighed.

"I just want to know if there might be a chance that we could be together," I said. "I just want to know if there is a possiblity that your thoughts about us has changed. That you might be willing to give it a shot."

I looked at Brendon, waiting for him to reply. Brendon looked down at his feet before looking back at me. I knew his answer before he said it.

"I'm sorry Ryan," Brendon said quietly. I felt like I was going to cry. "It just wouldn't work."

"You don't know that," I said. "You can't say that unless you absolutely know."

"I do know that it won't work," Brendon said. "I can just tell that it wouldn't."

I was crying now. I looked back at my hands. I wiped my eyes before looking back at Brendon. I couldn't help but notice that his expression held pity. But there was something else. It was hard to see it, but I did. Want. Need. Lust.

He wanted this as much as I did. He just wouldn't admit it. I stood up and walked towards Brendon, standing close to him, my face inches from his.

"You're sure this is what you want?" I whispered. I felt Brendon's breath hitting my face. He was the one letting out a shaky breath this time.

"Yes," Brendon whispered, his eyes darting to my lips quickly before returning to my eyes. I moved my face closer to his until our lips touched faintly. I didn't fully kiss him. As soon as our lips touched, I pulled away slowly.

"Night Brendon," I said, turning away.

"Ryan?" he said. I turned around. Brendon's arm shot out, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck, pulling me closer till our lips touched again, this kiss deeper and more passionate. I felt triumphant as we pulled each others clothes off. I knew that Brendon wanted this as much as I did. I just wish I didn't have to force that out of him. That he would just tell me he wanted this. It would make things so much easier.
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~Sally