Forget the Things We Swore We Meant
Want and Need
Another week went by. We were at another hotel. I was now at a point where it was impossible for me to think of anything else other than Brendon. I was obsessed. I was getting desperate. I needed him.
It was the middle of the night now. I left my room quietly, and went to Brendon's room. I stood in front of the door. I didn't do anything. Maybe this was a bad idea.
But I need him.
I want him.
I raised my hand, closed into a fist to knock. I sighed and lowered my hand. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
I started bacfk towards my room.
No. I changed my mind. I had to do this. I went back to Brendon's room. I took a deep breath before knocking lightly on Brendon's door.
I listened carefully. I couldn't hear if he was coming to open the door. I was going to leave while I had a chance, but the door suddenly opened slowly.
"Ryan?" Brendon asked quietly. "What are you doing?"
"I-I need to talk to you," I said. Brendon stared at me. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," Brendon said, stepping back so I could enter his room. He closed the door behind me. I walked further into the room and sat on the end of the bed. Brendon stood in front of me, leaning against a dresser. "What do you want to talk about?"
I looked down at my hands which I had placed in my lap, before looking up at Brendon. I let out a shaky breath.
"You know that I love you," I said. Brendon nodded his head. "And it's getting worse. All I think about is you."
Brendon stayed silent and I sighed.
"I just want to know if there might be a chance that we could be together," I said. "I just want to know if there is a possiblity that your thoughts about us has changed. That you might be willing to give it a shot."
I looked at Brendon, waiting for him to reply. Brendon looked down at his feet before looking back at me. I knew his answer before he said it.
"I'm sorry Ryan," Brendon said quietly. I felt like I was going to cry. "It just wouldn't work."
"You don't know that," I said. "You can't say that unless you absolutely know."
"I do know that it won't work," Brendon said. "I can just tell that it wouldn't."
I was crying now. I looked back at my hands. I wiped my eyes before looking back at Brendon. I couldn't help but notice that his expression held pity. But there was something else. It was hard to see it, but I did. Want. Need. Lust.
He wanted this as much as I did. He just wouldn't admit it. I stood up and walked towards Brendon, standing close to him, my face inches from his.
"You're sure this is what you want?" I whispered. I felt Brendon's breath hitting my face. He was the one letting out a shaky breath this time.
"Yes," Brendon whispered, his eyes darting to my lips quickly before returning to my eyes. I moved my face closer to his until our lips touched faintly. I didn't fully kiss him. As soon as our lips touched, I pulled away slowly.
"Night Brendon," I said, turning away.
"Ryan?" he said. I turned around. Brendon's arm shot out, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck, pulling me closer till our lips touched again, this kiss deeper and more passionate. I felt triumphant as we pulled each others clothes off. I knew that Brendon wanted this as much as I did. I just wish I didn't have to force that out of him. That he would just tell me he wanted this. It would make things so much easier.
It was the middle of the night now. I left my room quietly, and went to Brendon's room. I stood in front of the door. I didn't do anything. Maybe this was a bad idea.
But I need him.
I want him.
I raised my hand, closed into a fist to knock. I sighed and lowered my hand. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
I started bacfk towards my room.
No. I changed my mind. I had to do this. I went back to Brendon's room. I took a deep breath before knocking lightly on Brendon's door.
I listened carefully. I couldn't hear if he was coming to open the door. I was going to leave while I had a chance, but the door suddenly opened slowly.
"Ryan?" Brendon asked quietly. "What are you doing?"
"I-I need to talk to you," I said. Brendon stared at me. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," Brendon said, stepping back so I could enter his room. He closed the door behind me. I walked further into the room and sat on the end of the bed. Brendon stood in front of me, leaning against a dresser. "What do you want to talk about?"
I looked down at my hands which I had placed in my lap, before looking up at Brendon. I let out a shaky breath.
"You know that I love you," I said. Brendon nodded his head. "And it's getting worse. All I think about is you."
Brendon stayed silent and I sighed.
"I just want to know if there might be a chance that we could be together," I said. "I just want to know if there is a possiblity that your thoughts about us has changed. That you might be willing to give it a shot."
I looked at Brendon, waiting for him to reply. Brendon looked down at his feet before looking back at me. I knew his answer before he said it.
"I'm sorry Ryan," Brendon said quietly. I felt like I was going to cry. "It just wouldn't work."
"You don't know that," I said. "You can't say that unless you absolutely know."
"I do know that it won't work," Brendon said. "I can just tell that it wouldn't."
I was crying now. I looked back at my hands. I wiped my eyes before looking back at Brendon. I couldn't help but notice that his expression held pity. But there was something else. It was hard to see it, but I did. Want. Need. Lust.
He wanted this as much as I did. He just wouldn't admit it. I stood up and walked towards Brendon, standing close to him, my face inches from his.
"You're sure this is what you want?" I whispered. I felt Brendon's breath hitting my face. He was the one letting out a shaky breath this time.
"Yes," Brendon whispered, his eyes darting to my lips quickly before returning to my eyes. I moved my face closer to his until our lips touched faintly. I didn't fully kiss him. As soon as our lips touched, I pulled away slowly.
"Night Brendon," I said, turning away.
"Ryan?" he said. I turned around. Brendon's arm shot out, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck, pulling me closer till our lips touched again, this kiss deeper and more passionate. I felt triumphant as we pulled each others clothes off. I knew that Brendon wanted this as much as I did. I just wish I didn't have to force that out of him. That he would just tell me he wanted this. It would make things so much easier.
♠ ♠ ♠
Comment??~Sally