Love Me Patiently, Love Me Honestly

I walked through the terminal and out into the crowded airport. I looked past all the people hugging and greeting. Through the crowd, I found my parents. Neither of them had seen me, or seemed to be looking. They looked different, older. I know it had been a year, but with the way their foreheads were creased with depression and how their eyes drooped from crying, made it seem like 10 years. My dad caught sight of me and slapped a fake smile on his face in an instant. He rushed over to me and wrapped me in his arms.

“My baby is home!” he said excitedly.

“I missed you daddy.” I told him.

“I missed you too, more than you know. What were we thinking, a whole year in a foreign country? Never, ever again.” He said, hugging me again.

“Dad, it was for school, it was a good opportunity. Don’t forget!”

“Blah, Blah, Blah.” My dad said and released me.

My mother walked forward and wrapped her tiny arms around me. She was crying. I would like to think it was because she missed me so much. But before my hopes were up, I realized why. My mom had always thought I looked exactly like my sister. No one else saw what she saw, but she swore by it. She always wanted me to be her darling Carly. Pretty, vibrant, athletic, valedictorian, every boys dream.

When I chose to go to England for my Junior year, for a writing program, she gave up on me. She said I was missing the chance to live “the best 4 years of my life.” She didn’t congratulate me when I got the scholarship to go to the school in England, and now that I’m home, she seems even more distant.

As my dad and I walked to baggage claim, she walked behind us, her arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. I looked back a few times; she looked uninterested, like she was thinking about something else; or someone, Carly.

Parents say they don’t play favorites, but Carly was no doubt her favorite daughter. I was always closer to my dad.

I knew my mother wished Carly was still here. She would never say it or even let herself think it, but if I had been the one to be shot, she wouldn’t be acting this way. The thought sent shivers up my spine and I focused on what my dad was telling me about his new company. We got to baggage claim and instead of hearing my stories, she walked away and outside.

My dad hung his head and gestured with his hand for me to sit with him on the nearest chairs.

“She…is, not well.” My dad said.

“I noticed. Has she always been like this ever since…?” I trailed off.

“Yes. She barely talks to me at all, let alone anyone. The only thing she does all day is sit in Carly’s room. Sometimes, I hear her talking to her, like she’s still there. It’s so hard Maddie. I don’t know what to tell her, how to comfort her. I mean, I can’t even do that for myself, or you. I’m gonna try though kid. I’m going to take care of you and your mom, and I’m going to fix this family.”

“Dad, you know it’s okay for you to be sad too right?” I asked, I felt so awful for him, I wish I could’ve come home sooner.

“Don’t worry about me kid. You missed my worst. It’s been 3 months. I’m getting better. I just wish I could say the same for your mom. And what about you, how are you?”

“I’m...okay.” I lied. I was hesitant to let my dad know how much grief I’d been carrying. “ I got to recover on my own time, without anyone asking me if I was okay, so that was nice.” The program was hesitant to let me leave and part of me didn’t want to. I had wanted to heal on my own time, and I did. I was till sad of course, but I was moving on.

“Dad, you know she wouldn’t want us to be upset like mom is. She never let anything bring down her spirit, and Dad, if 2 broken arms couldn’t keep her from playing softball, like that one time she fell out of a tree, then death sure can’t do it. She’s probably making plans to haunt us right now.” I smiled.

My dad laughed his old hearty laugh that I had missed so much. “Ah, Maddie. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too.” As my dad got up to grab my bags, I got a text. I opened my phone and read it ‘Hey babe! I hear you’re back! Party at my house tonight at 8 to celebrate your homecoming! Can’t wait to see you! <33 youuu!’ I read my text from Garrett and smiled.

I thought of my best friends, whom I missed so much. I had kept in touch with John, Garrett, Pat and Jared all the time I was gone. But Kennedy would probably be at the party, which made it and easy decision to decline the invitation.

“So you got any plans tonight?” My dad asked me.

“Nope. Just hanging out with you!”

“That’s my girl. We can do whatever you want. I’ll take you out to dinner!’

“Daaad, it’s okay. Let’s just stay in. we’ll watch all our favorite movies, and maybe we can get mom to hang out with us too.”

“Good idea. Shall we go?” My dad said. I nodded and we walked out. My mom was already in the car. She didn’t say a word the whole way home. Once we got there, my dad left to get some takeout for dinner, and I walked my bag upstairs. I sat my bag down in my room, then walked across the hall and opened Carly’s door.

My mom was in there, sitting on a chair. I surveyed the room. The bed wasn’t made. The sheets looked stiff like they had been there a while. The flat iron was still plugged into the wall. Laundry that hadn’t been folded was still on the night table. I looked at the alarm clock and the alarm was still set. The computer was still on. Random objects were spread across the desk. Pencils, lip gloss, money, papers. This room hasn’t been touched in a long time.

“Mom? You haven’t done anything in this room since she died have you?”

“No.” She answered.

“Why not?” I questioned.

“It’s not mine to touch. Carly never liked us touching her stuff, you know.” She said, not looking at me, and her voice sounded almost zombie-like.

“Mom,” I started and leaned down in front of her. “We have to clean this up. We have to keep living our lives. I’ll clean it up by myself if you want.” I offered.

My mom slapped me across the face. Once she realized what she did her eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth with her hand. She stood up and walked to the door. She turned back to me and a new fierceness fueled in her eyes. “Don’t you dare touch anything in this room.” She said and ran down the stairs. I heard her cries all the way through the house before she ran out the front door and slammed it shut.

I didn’t know what to think. I obeyed my mom’s command and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I walked into my own room and lay on my comfortable bed. I was tired. Jet lag, I assumed. It was now 6:00. I could probably take a little nap before my dad got home.

Just before I fell asleep I heard my front door open and slam shut. My eyes flung open and I heard someone bounding up the stairs. Before I could even comprehend what was happening John was flinging himself onto my bed.

“Maddiieeeee!” he screamed.

“Johnyyyyyy!” I screamed back.

“I missed you baby girl!” he said and pulled me into his arms. He held me tight for a long time and I realized how much I’d missed him. He was my older brother I never had.

Once he released me we both laid down on our backs at the foot of the bed.

“So tell me all about England! I want to hear everything! Did you meet any boys? Did you learn a lot at school? Tell me! Tell me!” he said excitedly.

“We have plenty of time for that. I’m really tired. I’ll give you every detail once I’m all rested up.” I said and rolled over.

“No, no, no! You have a party tonight missy! Everyone is so excited to see you and we planned this big night just for you. So you have to be there!” he said, rolling me back to face him.

“John, I’m really not in the mood…” I said, looking at a picture of Carly and I on the wall.

“Aw baby. I miss her too.” I knew that was true. I called John my big bro and he called me his baby sis. But he was best friends with Carly. The day we moved here they were always together. I was 9, Carly was 10. She hung out with John, Kennedy, and Jared. And through them, I met Pat and Garrett, since they were my age; we hung out all the time. We always had the best time. Carly hated that. She wanted them to herself. But they always invited me to go a long for whatever they did.

As we got older we all stayed close. But when I, along with Pat and Garrett, came into high school with the rest of them, Carly kind of distanced herself. She made new friends and was always with them. But I stayed with the boys. They were pretty much my only friends.

“Hey, we all miss her.” John said, interrupting my thoughts. “But we have to get past this. You’re starting your senior year in what, a week? It’s a new year. And now that 3/5 of us are out of school, you’re gonna need to make new friends. Perfect time, at this party!” he had a good point. But I just didn’t want to see…him.

“Kennedy won’t be there.” John said, reading my mind.

“That wasn’t affecting my choice, for your information. Plus, I told my dad I’d hang with him,” I lied.

“Oh shut up.” He said, throwing a pillow at me. “We all know what happened. It was a year ago Maddie, get over it. And I talked to your dad on his way out; he said it’d be fine.” He smiled.

“John! I completely embarrassed myself! I didn’t even talk to him the whole time I was gone! I can get by without having anything to do with him.” I said truthfully.

“I don’t think that’s gonna be possible.” John said quietly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked as I sat up.

“Nothing.” He replied quickly. “I’ve said too much. So you’re coming right? I’ll see you at 8!” John said as he started walking out of my room. “Look hot!” I lay back down on my bed and rolled my eyes.

“Oh, and Maddie?” John was at my door again.

“Yes?”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” I smiled and he walked away, down the stairs and out the front door.

____________________________________________________________________

I stood at Garrett’s front door, listening to the blaring music inside. I was nervous. It’d been so long. Would I still fit in with my friends? Would they like me still?

I turned around and started to walk briskly back to my car, but before I got very far, the door flung open and I was suddenly tackled to the ground before I could turn to see who it was.

“OW!” I screamed as I pushed the person off of me. I found Garrett smiling back at me.

“That didn’t used to hurt you.” He laughed.

“Yeah, it didn’t hurt when we were 10 and I didn’t have boobs.” I said, keeping my hands close to my chest.

“Oh, right. Well this shouldn’t hurt.” He smiled and put his arms out for a hug. I looked around and tried to figure out a not so awkward to hug him seeing as we were sitting on the ground. Before I could think of anything he pulled me so close to him I was almost sitting on his lap and wrapped his arms around me.

“You do not know how much I’ve missed you!” he said.

“And you don’t know how much I missed you!” I smiled.

“Maddie!” I heard Pat yell as he ran out the door. I stood up to greet him and he gave me a big hug.

“I totally missed you more than I missed Garrett.” I told him, loud enough for Garrett to hear.

“Jerk! I didn’t miss you anyways! I was just saying that to be nice.” He said back. I stuck my tongue out at him and he mocked me. Just then Jared and John walked out of the house. I ran over to Jared and hugged him big. And I gave John another hug too.

“Madds, when did you get so hot?” Pat said looking up and down my body.

“For real.” Garrett said.

“Yeah, Madds, even though you’re like my sister, you are definitely looking good...” John stated, looking at my body the same way Pat did.

“I agree.” Jared said.

“Gee thanks guys. Glad to see this is the first time in 8 years you think I’m attractive.”

“Hey, I always thought you were gorgeous. We dated, remember? Obviously I thought you were hot then.” Garrett said.

“It was 5th grade.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying! You were hot then too. See, you’ve been doing great.” Garrett smiled. “And don’t forget about that time we dated in 9th grade too.”

“And don’t forget I was dared.” I smiled and walked past him into the party as all the boys laughed behind me.