Love Me Patiently, Love Me Honestly

I looked around at the semi large group of people, recognizing about half. Some people gave me hugs and told me they were glad I was home. Some gave their condolences over my loss, and others just kept having a good time, probably not knowing this was actually a party for someone.I mingled with random people the whole night, it was fun to catch up with people. Around10:30 people started clearing out and I finally got a chance to talk to the guys. Garrett was the first I found.

“Hey! How was the party?” Garrett asked.

“Great! But I couldn’t remember half the names of people I talked to,” I admitted.

“Oops.” He laughed

“Anyways, what’s new with you? How’s the past year been for you?”

“Hell. I’ve been missing my female companion.” He said and put his arm around my shoulder.

“Why not find a new female companion?” I asked.

“Oh, there were plenty. But I wouldn’t call them companions...just…”

“Sluts?” I finished for him as I moved so his arm wasn’t around me anymore.

“Well, if you want to put it that way, yes.” He smiled. Before I could begin another sentence Garrett got a wary look on his face as he was looking behind me. Right as I turned around to see what he was looking at, he put his arm around my shoulder once again and turned me away, walking me towards the kitchen.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing! I just want you to see...uh, the new kitchen, My mom remolded, it looks real nice.” He said as he pushed open the swinging door leading to the kitchen. As the door swung shut I saw a glimpse of who Garrett was trying to hide from me. And he saw me too.

“I thought he wasn’t going to be here.”

“I thought so too, I’m sorry Maddie. Do you want me to ask him to leave?” Garrett asked.

“No, I have to face him, I guess.” I said and walked toward the door.

“Good luck!” Garrett called after me. I took a deep breath and walked towards Kennedy, who was talking to John.

“Hey guyss.” I smiled.

“Hey Maddie. Long time no see…or, talk.” Kennedy said. His voice made my heart lurch and I hated it.

“Yep. How’ve you been?

“Oh, I’ve been okay. You?”

“I’ve been fine, thanks. Just happy to be home. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Ohh, I told John I was coming..” he said, looking questioningly at John.

“What!? No you didn’t!” John said.

“I told you over the phone when you told me about the party!”

“Ah, you probably did. I should really start listening when you talk.” John laughed.

“Yeah, thanks bud. Is it okay I’m here?” he asked, turning his eyes back to me.

“Yeah! Totally. It’s fine.” I lied. “You’re a little late though, everyone is gone..” I said, surveying the empty room. Just then the rest of the boys walked out of the kitchen.

“Not us!” Pat smiled.

“Okay, let’s go have a sit. Come on team. Maddie has to tell us ALL about England!” John said excitedly and ushered us to the living room.

“Well, what do you guys want to know?” I asked, yawning.

“Well, I think the most important question is…Did you meet a boy?!?” Jared asked.

I smiled and looked down, embarrassed.

“Oh my god! What’s his nameee?” Pat asked.

“James.”

“Awe! Did you go to school together?” Jared asked.

“Yes. But he lives in England.”

“Did you guys actually date?” Garrett asked

“Yesss.”

“And kiss?” John asked.

“Um…yess..?”

“Did you lose your virginity to him!?” John screamed.

“That’s none of your business!” I replied.

“Oh my god! Nooo! I’m gonna kill him! You’re too young for that! No!” All the boys shouted at the same time. I looked at Kennedy, his head was down, his forehead creased, and his fists clenched.

“Guys! Chill out! No, I didn’t lose my virginity to him! Geez”

“Don’t lie to me, baby.” John said, kneeling down in front of me and sticking his finger in my face.

“I’m not!”

Everyone was silent for a long time until John finally got up and went back to his original seat. “Okay good.” he said.

“Anyways, are you still together?” Jared asked.

“Um, no. He lives in another country!”

“Oh, right. So..that means you’re available then?” Garrett asked, sliding closer to me on the couch we were sharing.

“I don’t think so buddy. Been there, done that.” I laughed and Garrett hung his head. “But you guys! I wrote a short story! And it got published in one of the local newspapers in England!”

“Oh my gosh Maddie! That’s so awesome!” Pat said, and all the guys agreed.

“What about you guys? What’s been new?” I asked them.

They all stole awkward glances at Kennedy, but he didn’t return them. His head was still down. Eventually they all started telling me about what they’d been doing. They all had long stories. Each new story I yawned more and more, not because of lack of interest, but I was exhausted. The last thing I remember is looking up at Kennedy, and him looking back at me. Staring. Then I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to pots clamoring in the kitchen. I was alone in Garrett’s living room, laying on the couch with a blanket over me. I got up and walked into the kitchen, only to find John, and Garrett with flour all over their faces, looking over a pancake burner.

“Morning babe!” John ran over to me and kissed my cheek, getting flour on my face.

“Hii. What are you guys doing?”

“Making you chocolate chip pancakes.” Garrett smiled and flipped one over.

“Awee. Thanks guys! Where is everyone else?”

“Jared and Pat are coming over later today.” John said.

“Kennedy?”

“I don’t know about him.”

“What was up with him after the party? He hardly talked at all. He was being really weird.”

John and Garrett looked at each other, then down. Finally John responded. “I don’t know, maybe he was just having a bad night or something.” He shrugged.

“Uh, okay..” I said skeptically.

We ate breakfast, talking and laughing. After, we just hung out for a few hours. Then I said goodbye to Garrett and John rode home with me. We walked into my house, my dad was watching TV, and I didn’t know where my mom was. We walked up to my room and laid on the bed. We sat there in silence for a long time.

“So baby, how are you dealing with…everything?” John asked hesitantly.

“Honestly? I thought I was going to be okay, but seeing my mom like this, it’s awful.” I turned face him now. “John, she’s miserable. She doesn’t talk to me or my dad, she sits in Carly’s room all day, and she’s just not the same. I don’t know how to help her John, I don’t know what to do.” I was trying not to cry but John knew me too well and cradled me into his chest just as the first tear fell.

“Oh Maddie, I know.” John said, rubbing my back.

“I miss her, I miss her so much.” I sobbed. We stayed like that for a while, until eventually the tears stopped pouring. Then we were still and silent, me cradled into John’s chest.

John had to leave soon after that because it was dinner time. I walked him out then sat down with my mom and dad at the dinner table. My dad and I talked about random stuff the whole time, making plenty of attempts to involve my mom in the conversation. She would reply with one words answered and no emotion.

The rest of the night I spent unpacking. I went to bed around 10:00 and had a dream about Carly. I was watching her murder, the way I pictured it anyways. Her and Kennedy, alone in his house. A man dressed in black breaking the lock on the door, robbing the house, then once he’d finished the downstairs, silently walking up the stairs, gun in hand. Opening Kennedy’s bedroom door, finding the two teenagers who hadn’t even noticed someone was in the house. I saw their frightened faces as he made them sit on the bed while he rummaged through his room. Putting money and expensive objects in a bag.

I dreamt that as he left the room, and walked back down the stairs, Kennedy ran after him, tackling him to the ground. In the midst of the fight, the gun went off. Puncturing Carly right through the chest. Her face was contorted into a painful position as she fell to the ground in one motion.

The collision her body made with the ground woke me up. My eye lashes were wet with tears. I tried to fall back asleep, I tried to think about other things. I stopped keeping count of how many times I’d had that dream. I always awoke at the same part.

After 10 minutes of realizing I wasn’t falling back to sleep anytime soon, I walked across the hall to Carly’s room. I opened the door expecting to see my mom sitting in the chair she’d been in before. She wasn’t there, I was glad. I surveyed the room, only being lit by the moonlight. I looked through the family photo album Carly had made for a school project in 7th grade. I laughed at the memories, but cried more. I laid down on her bed and clutched her stuffed animal in my hands. I curled up into a ball and I let the tears fall, as I accepted the fact this wouldn’t be the first, or last night I cried myself to sleep.